The Puppet Master

Bravo!! I loved it!! I'm starting to write suspense type stuff and this is better than what I've done so far. This reminded me of several different things like the puppet master from Pinocchio, the one movie in Disney Channel they play at Halloween where the witches take young girls souls to keep beautiful. Only a couple pointers here and there that I can suggest that would make it perfect.
I agree with Blue that you need to correct some of the commas and stuff because it's distracting to the eyes.I noticed that on the first word of every line sometimes you capitalized it and sometimes you didn't. I think it would be more pleasing to the eye and less distracting to the eye if you stuck to one or the other. If you choose to not capitalize every line then the first line in each stanza should be capitalized.

Other than that I want to frame it and hang it on my wall.Keep it up.

Actually, not a bad at all for a first poem! You give nice clear images with just a hint of creepiness, which is perfect for this narrative.

There are only two things I suggest:

One was to fix the few technical issues. Mostly you used punctuation correctly, but there were a few spots where you used unneeded commas. This is a mistake most first-time poets make; it's almost instinctive to put a comma at the end of every line, but that's incorrect usage. An easy way to figure out whether or not you need a comma is to rewrite the line as a sentence with no breaks and see if the comma still makes sense. For example:

"He brings the dolls,
back to life."

Would you put a comma there if this was just a line in a story? "He brings the dolls, back to life." Nope - now it just seems silly.k Go through your poem, figure out which commas don't belong, and delete them.

The only other thing is, I think you could be clearer about what exactly the puppet-master does to the young girls. Well, no, that's not EXACTLY what I mean. Obviously by making him seem outwardly charming but injecting just a hint of creepiness into this, you give us the ultimate willies. But maybe you can add to the line about the screams a few people heard, saying how a girl or two would go missing and maybe her disappearance was attributed to something else - she just ran away or some random townsperson was suspected of kidnapping her or something, but no one suspects the puppet master. We don't need to know precisely what he does; we just need a hint. Also, I'm a little confused on one point; obviously the dolls and the girls are connected in more than just that the puppet master lures the girls, so you may want to make this other connection a little more obvious. Does the puppet master make a new doll every time he kills (or whatever he does) a girl? Does he make the dolls out of the dead girl's clothes? Give us a hint that lets us know what this connection is.

But like I said, this was a great first attempt. Most people don't do this well on their first try. (I know I didn't!)

Good work!
~Blue