CandyLand Chapter 2 (Restart)

by Poseidon

Published October 17, 2016

E - Everyone

In CandyLand

Chapter 2

James

It took a while for my eyes to adjust to the dark hallway. The walls, lined with old, dusty pictures, had a rustic look to them. I could tell that no one had been here for a while. I looked over to Annabeth and laughed, her face had a greenish tint to it and she was leaning from one side to the other.

“I… wi-will never do that again “Annabeth mumbled to me as we walked toward the men. They were waiting by a door up ahead.

“Where are we going?” I asked them.

“To The Meeting, candy leaders from all across the land will be there to hear our case. They will decide if we are granted help or not.” They opened the door and a blast of hot, dry air hit me square in the face.

They weren’t lying. I thought as I wiped some sweat off of my face and walked out the door. We were in another alley, but this one was nicer. A man in a horse drawn carriage seemed to be waiting on us.

“What took you all so long,” His voice was unusually high. “If we don’t hurry the leaders will think these “receivers” killed you or something.”

What did they mean “receivers”? I thought.

“We’re coming Al.” The taller man replied. Al just shrugged and told us to get in. Whipping the horses, we moved out of the alley and on what seemed like the main road. There weren’t any people on the streets which gave me a clear view of buildings that were lined with posters. The word” receivers” were boldly printed on them but I couldn’t see what they actually said due to the lack of light.

“Now we must talk quickly and without interruption.” Annabeth gave us a shrug as we all looked at her.

“Our resources tell us that this plague isn’t natural; a “receiver” has done something to the atmosphere.”

“Who are-” There looks quickly cut off my question.

“We are only two of the seven Governors of Candy Land that were willing to go to the outside and get you two.”

“But why us? Why can’t one of you governors or one of your candy warriors go and kill this… “Receiver guy”?” Annabeth obviously didn’t mind the looks they gave her.

“Well young lady-”

“My name isn’t “young lady”, it’s Annabeth.”

“Well Annabeth,” The taller man looked highly irritated and I knew how he felt. “We as governors can’t leave the people alone, and, our men aren’t fighters, there civilized people that are trying to live normal lives” I rolled my eyes; these people obviously need some help.

“But that doesn’t answer our question, why us?” Just then a jolt sent me flying into Annabeth.

“Here’s your stop.” Al said “You guys better hurry inside.”

“Here James,” The short man handed me a piece of paper. “Look at it when you have time.” Folding the piece of paper I put it in my pocket, making a mental note to look at it later.

Light flooded my eyes as we walked inside the building. A long hallway with doors on both sides lay in front of us. At the end stairs spiralled upward to another floor.

“It’s floor seven, door C.” The taller twin said. He walked up to the steps.

“There’s no elevator?” I did not want to climb seven flights of stairs.

“Candy Land hasn’t seen too many… technological advances, not since we tried cars.” Glancing at the other man they both shook their head as if remembering a bad memory. They both started to climb the stairs and we were right behind them.

Annabeth

One bout of nausea and seven flights of stairs later, we were finally at our destination. I was actually pretty excited, it was like I jumped into a video game or something and now I was the hero.Little did I know what I had gotten myself into.

I could hear James’ heavy breathing as we walked along the corridor. I was still kind of upset at him from the “I heard blah blah blah asked you out” incident. I couldn’t believe he could be so naïve, why would I say yes to that science creep? He’s always talking about science, hates fantasy, and is just plain weird.

“Ok, we’re almost there.” Mario (aka the short man) said. Hearing faint shouts up ahead made us all walk faster, that couldn’t be a good sign. As we reached the door we could clearly hear something wasn’t right. Just then the door burst open. We moved as splinters flew everywhere.

“Ahh!” I screamed. There was a giant peppermint on the floor but, it was moving. I realized it wasn’t just any old peppermint it was one of their “candy citizens”.Eyes blazing with anger, he (or she I really don’t know) got up and charged back into the riot and hit a human square in the stomach. Stumbling, the human pointed a rod at the peppermintman and shot him to bits.

A man up stage was trying to calm them. His beard was braided with as many candy wrapper his potbelly could consume and his eyes looked like saucers “They will be here, they wi-” he glanced at Mario and Luigi and screamed into the mic.

“Stop everyone, there here!” My eardrums nearly busted and apparently a lot of other peoples (and candies) did too because everyone stopped and made way for us to get through.

Luigi stepped up to the mic and began speaking. “We have found the ones that will save our land.” He motioned to me and Annabeth.

“I thought you there was only one, how come you have two up there?” a random Jolly rancher shouted.

“Well fate has blessed us with more outside power to-” He never got to finish after that.

“You bring us more receivers?”Someone shouted from the crowd. Man it seemed like they really hate these “receiver” people.

“They are the only ones who can help us.” The man said. A worried look passed over the men’s faces; it didn’t look like this was going to end well.

A beam of light shot right past James turning the wall beside him into jello. Everyone tried to climb upstage, lights flickered as beams of light from peoples staffs shot everywhere. The twins kicked and pushed people off the stage but they couldn’t hold up for long. The taller twin left his brother and came out with a package.

“Go, this will help you on your journey. Just run straight into the wall behind us.” He paused, handing me the package. “Find the clouds” I grabbed James’ arm and ran, hoping for the best.

Comments & reviews · 2

PickledChrissy wrote a review Review · Oct 30, 2016

Hey, Chrissy here for a review!

First off, I really like the idea behind your story. Especially about how sweets affect the way people behave. Guess that would explain the entire thing with women and chocolate, wouldn't it? I read chapter one to make sure I'd have a better grasp of what was happening. So here I go...

They weren’t lying. I thought as I wiped some sweat off of my face and walked out the door.


Expand on this thought a bit. I understood what he meant, but I had to go back and reread through the sentence before it clicked. You need to find a way to tie the two ideas together, something to remind us of what was said earlier.

They weren’t lying. I thought as I wiped some sweat off of my face and walked out the door. Saying "we have a drought" was putting it mildly. It felt like a oven outside.


You need to remember to write with all the senses. Sight, smell, sound, taste, touch. You tell us what it looks like and then reinforce the image with the smell, with the feeling of the ground underfoot.

When they get into the carriage for instance. The way it looks, the texture of the cloth. When he gets in, his hand will touch something. There usually is something to grab for support. Then the sound. Is it windy? Are there people anywhere? Is it just dead quiet?

I think one of the most important ones you need to remember is smell. This is candy land. Nothing smells like candy. Walking into the room with be like walking into a candy store, only more so because nothing is packaged.


One more thing. The jello wall. That is an opportunity for an amazing image. It sloshes when it fall, breaking into transparent sections. Describe the light shining through it, what color it is. Everyone knows what jello looks like. This is an opportunity to bring your story home.

That is all I can come up with. I'll be following your novel, waiting for more. I think that is the best praise that can be given to any author.

Keep writing!

~Chrissy

Thanks, I do need to work on my description.

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royevans
Review
royevans wrote a review Review · Oct 17, 2016

Hello! Poseidon. Great work I'll say. Am Roy and am here to do a bit review of your work.
I didn't come across chapter one of CandyLand but I think its great.
I want to understand that these two major characters have never been in the place they're in at the moment. The place looks unoccupied, empty and somewhat creepy, for that reason I think creating some sense of fear among these characters is paramount. Tell or rather show us the character being paranoid.
Then there is this line;
"Little did I know what I had gotten myself in"
I want to understand that this mean some awful happenings is a head, so I think showing us by use of some foreboding will do great.
I think this can create a great and interesting tension.

Candy Land Ch. 1 (Restart)

Here's Chapter one and thanks for your suggestions. Also their not paranoid because there with the two men, now in chapter 3 youll see things a bit differently.



Everything is a lot of things!
— Hank Green