Hello Pomeroy! Me again.
Anyways, to begin, I’d like to address the fact that when the so called “savage” was revealed to be Ralys, I was quite stunned. You did a spectacular job of keeping me from suspecting that it could be Rayls, as of the fact that you kept the from describing him in “Scavenger”. The ending was very unexpected, to say the least.
On the topic of characters, I’m guessing that any further chapters involving these characters will either be about Dayton or Ralys. I can infer that because Charlotte pops in just for a little, and Leax seems to be there mainly for the purpose of having a sort of opposing force of friendliness to oppose Dayton’s not-so-outgoing approach. Don’t get me wrong, both have neatly distinguished character portrayals, but I would think that for plot convenience you would have Dayton and Ralys at the center spotlight of further excerpts/chapters because Dayton doesn’t like Ralys and vise-versa (I would assume (if they’ve even met face to face yet)).
Charlotte seems like a good plot development character, as she seems to have the authority to order people around. She’s kind of is like a Lestrade to your Sherlock, if you will. Leax seems a bit smug yet intelligent, making good choices and progressing with the questioning, while I can assume that Dayton took an opposite approach (if he questioned Ralys), one that might have involved a bit of shouting. I can imagine that Dayton and Leax are good friends, though they kind of have different attitudes and ways to handle events. They do seem to counteract each other well.
The dialogue in the beginning seems genuine, as if it could all be from a couple of interrogators watching and discussing a suspect from behind a one-way mirror. I definitely think that I got the vibe that you were going for. As of the fact that this takes place in an apocalyptic scenario, I can assume that Dayton has seen his fare share of Savages and what they can do. Leax, on the other hand, seem more laidback and younger, as if he has been living behind the walls of wherever this takes place for most of his life.
As for the setting, which has definitely changed from Exit 11 in “Scavenger”, I can assume that they are either in some sort of military installation or cityish place of some sort. Charlotte is probably a top dog in this place (or the toppiest dog in this place), and based on her authoritative composition, I can assume that she either is or was military.
It’s hard to go off of what’s provided, but based off of Ralys determination in the last book to find Harrington, I can assume that he didn’t divert course, and instead, perhaps, just got lost because he couldn’t safely go back to the highway. He probably was lost for a week or so, explaining his lack of food supplies. He has cuts and blood all over him, so I’m guessing that he encountered some more unfriendly people along his way through the forest, eventually ending up being chased to or near wherever he is now. You do a good job of setting up a puzzle that us as the readers can finish. What I mean by that is that that you provide the right amount of details and hints for us to use to find out what exactly is happening.
Just like last time, nice sent nice structure, not many (if any) mistakes, and good story development. The dialogue seems legitimate and normal, like people talking in real life. Overall, this part is an excellent compliment and sequel to your previous story. It’s so well done, I honestly don’t have any problems to comment on. Spectacular job, Pomeroy! Keep up the good work!
Quod Bona,
Constantine
Points: 200
Reviews: 2
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