Beware the land of waking dreams.

by PollarBear14

Published November 8, 2011

Beware the land of waking dreams,
where rubies glow and diamonds gleam.
Where scoundrels rule and trick the weak.
You shall not find what it is you seek.

Beware the land of selfish pleasure,
where rewards it seems are beyond measure.
Yet while you reach for certain glory,
Your final acts do end your story.

Beware the land of endless loot,
where singuid serpents flog the fruit.
Where cruel temptation catches all,
and brings your sneaky, sorry fall.

Beware the land of waking dreams,
for all is not as it seems.
Temptation shall claim ambitious prey.
I beg of you don't go that way.

Spoiler! :
You might have noticed the word "singuid" in my poem but don't be confused because it is a word I made up. It means lithe, long, flowing and smooth.

Comments & reviews · 4
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ERZA
Comment
ERZA commented Comment · Nov 8, 2011

I liked the poem very much. It had a very dark and real tone in it. After reading it I felt like WHOAH! It is really a land of waking dreams. It is very meaningful actually and the message the poem is giving is also very nice. Keep writing!!

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Anwesha
Review
Anwesha wrote a review Review · Nov 8, 2011

Nice one. I liked it more because, unlike some other poem, this one has a message to give. You can learn from it. That's what is needed for a good poetry. And no doubt, I loved your self-made word. :-D The rhyming was perfect to me and I do wish I could rhyme my poems that way. :-(
In the first stanza, there should have been a comma in place of the full stop in the second and third line.
And something I wanted to point out. It may sound absurd but, shouldn't it be "Beware of" in place of just "Beware"? Well, you may have some other justification. I just said what I felt.
Overall, one of the strongest poems of YWS. Good job! Keep writing and keep improving. Good luck! :-)

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ShadeZ942 Review
ShadeZ942 wrote a review Review · Nov 8, 2011

Wow. From the first line, i loved that poem. I can't think of anything but positive feedback for that poem, although I am no poet :p.

At first I was thinking, "the first paragraph is definetely my favourite", but after having read the whole thing, I cannot decide. Loved it.

I'm curious though, what gave you the idea for the poem?



You are in the wrong land even if the roosters recognize you.
— Nathalie Handal, "Noir, une lumière"