Who am I?........ A positive look on myself!

hmm maybe ur not a cheerleading robot, but you sure are as conceded as one!!! oooohhh... no im kidding... you had a few good lines in here.... id take those.. but i dont know, it sounded like poetry to me... just not the best or best structured... so youre saying youre a ballerina? then youshould say. im blah blah great, awsome, sexy, i have super powers, but i forgot one thing.

im a ballerina.
im blah
blah
blah

you know.. like a statement. you ARE a ballerina you ballerina, and this is what ballerinas do, and then on with your list. hold on. click, rewind.

this just in, i found out there was more. i read it. and i dont approve. i read it in the newly thing on the front cover, and i thought it ended with, and im rising so fast. thats how it should of been ended. but you had to keep going. didnt you.

anyway, its very rare that i find someone who is not affected by words. so id like to take thsi time to tell you how much you suck. you smell like dirty socks! ahh amazing.

anyway, whatever drug youre on... id like to try. pms me and we can deliberate! unless right after writing this you got really depressed and almost killed yourself... int hat case, ive had that.. no thank you.

anyway, good parts in here, i thought an ending of im rising so fast was good but it wasnt the ending so i was disapointed... but whatever, youre a happy chipmunk ballerina and thats more than i can say for myself. kudos.

I hate to criticize anything of yours because your Vonnegut quote is frigin awesome, but I'd have to agree with the critique above. This is not a poem. This is some second rate beat poetry. I'd have to say keep this in the diary. I like what your saying in it, but I don't like reading it when I think I'm reading poetry. But if you stick with what you say in this, then you'll keep writing, and I hope you do.


Woops that was the reviewers quote on Vonnegut, my bad

Pointedancer -

This is not a poem. This is more like a list. You do nothing to stimulate the senses, you don't bother incorporate any kind of subtlety, and there isn't even a trace of imagery. This is a resume. This is a description of yourself.

Let's put it this way: I don't care what you are, I care what you think.

To me, poetry is all about painting an image. It's all about putting new ideas into my head using different and unconventional methods. Why tell me what you are, when you could go the extra mile and tell me what you're like? Why give me a rundown - a shopping list - when you could use the english langauge to it's fullest extent and beauty?

Poetry should excite me. This does not. This may mean something to you, but unfortunately, it means nothing to us.

As always, don't give up and keep writing.

-Kylan

It's a good poem, not fantastic, but hey, that doesn't mean you can't make it fantastic. You told here, didn't show, which is a no-no most of the time in poetry. Show us that you're a ballerina, describe movements. Show us who you are. the 'I am' got a bit too repetitive, although that might have been what you were aiming for. And yes, don't do the All-Caps thing in poetry, see the italics key, click the italics key, love the italics key. However, it was a good 'this is me' kind of poem, which every poet, I feel, has to make! good job, and keep writing!

It's nice to hear a happy poem like this =] first, I have to remind you that you need to post 2 reviews for every 1 thing you post, so you should go review 2 things now!

OK now I'll talk about your poem. I like the sentiment behind it, a poem about feeling good about yourself is great and hardly anyone seems to write them. It's pretty long, you say a lot of things more than once when you don't need to. I'll do you a review now =]

Who am I?
This is a pretty obvious and cliche way to start a poem. I know this is the theme of what you're going to write about, but I think it's kind of obvious from how you continue anyway, so I don't think this as a first line is necessary.
I am not a stupid cheerleader-robot-thing
This line is kind of weird, but I like it. I like the rhythm of stupid-cheerleader-robot-thing.
I am not a lazy bum
I don't get this one though, why would you be?
I am not who someone else wants me to be
This is the best out of this stanza because it takes a little bit of unravelling.

Then, who am I?
Well...
I don't think this is needed either really, it's a question that you don't really need, and it messes with the rhythm of the poem.

I am an artist
I am an athlete
I am who I want
I am the opposite of lazy
I am myself
I am a skilled master at many arts
I am a singer
I am an actress
I am a cook
I am a girl
I am a weapon
I am a babysitter
I am a me

All that is good stuff, I especially like I am a weapon because it's very original. The only one I thought was weird was babysitter, simply because it came right after weapon and that made it sound a bit random. Maybe you should move babysitter in between cook and girl?


I have noticed I left one thing off,
It is the one thing that hasn't ever left my mind,
it is the single most important thing that I love and have mastered,
I can't live without this skill,
It is part of me,
I am this,

This is a bit like blah blah blah, you really don't need any of it. If you want to say that being a ballerina is the most important thing to you out of all the thing, then starting a new stanza on it is enough.


I am a ballerina,
A dancer
An artist
an athlete,
that is what I meant by those words,
I pointed it out the whole time,
I am a ballerina.
I like the first three lines, but the last three are a bit like.. tacked on at the end and meaningless. Like you're just rambling on. I don't think you need to say you are a ballerina more than once.



So, who ever out there thinks that they can stop me,
well, some news for you,
I wont use my strength from dance,
I wont use my strength from how powerful I FEEL,
I wont do anything to stop you,
I wont have to
"who ever" should be "whoever". FEEL is better in italics rather than capitals. Every time you write "wont" you missed the apostrophe - "won't". You missed the full stop at the end. Apart from that, I like this stanza. Nice and angry yet self controlled. I actually like this better than the last few stanzas because it's more original, more poetic than a list of things


I am rising up so fast,
when I reach heaven I will still be rising past that,
this line's a bit clumsy. Maybe "when I reach heaven I will rise on past it"
I am happy,
I don't need to thing of others,
should that be "think?"
no one can bring me down,
cause words wont hurt me,
The wont -> won't again, I like because more than cause too
neither will sticks or stones,
I just wont hear it,
or feel it.

I am me and that is it,
there is no stopping this,
It happened like that,
I don't like "it happened like that" much, I'd just delete it.
It is NOT a freak of nature,
NOT = not.
it is natural and it is right,
I feel good about who I am,
how I feel,
how I look,
And more.
Nice =]

One more thing I wanna say, you add capitals at the start of lines kind of randomly. You only need a capital at the start of the line if there was a full stop, just like in normal writing.

This is a good poem, I think if you neaten it up a bit it'll be better. In poetry it's better quite often to say in fewer words what you could say in a lot, if you know what I mean.

hi there!

so I enjoyed reading your poem. Not the best ever but it was good.

I would like to point out a grammatical error(or it might have been a typo).

I am a me

I wont use my strength from how powerful I FEEL

It is NOT a freak of nature

I am a ballerina,
A dancer
An artist
an athlete,
that is what I meant by those words,
I pointed it out the whole time,
I am a ballerina