Published July 5, 2011
Day dreams, nightly schemes.
Daily wishes, of late night kisses.
Inside me dwells a fantasy,
Of what we could be.
In my mind dwells imaginings,
Of love and babies and houses and things.
Wild, beautiful and truthful thoughts,
Of love and lust and profound things of all sorts.
Wishing upon stars, that u would be mine.
Waiting to give u love, oh so profound.
If these came true, I give my word to you,
The love we would have would be truly divine.
The stars would shine, ever so bright
You would be my very own knight
To save me from the demonic creatures that dwell at night.
To love me, to hold me, to keep me dear.
To touch me, to hug me, to chase away my lonely fears.
Day dreams, nightly schemes
Of a love so deep no one can describe what it truly means.
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141,365 Literary Works • 674,382 Reviews
Aoow, this is sweet! I like the topic, easy to relate to, we all have our dreams to chase and wish for! Great imagery too, but I don't like your structure, it's irregular, the stanzas differ in lengths and so does your lines - It's not good for the flow, nor the rythm!! But overall I thought this was pretty amazing and therefore I will give you 4/5 icky spiders, and if you feel unhole without the last one all you have to do is fix the structure and it will come crawling right at you!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Ooh yeah pretty good. ???????????????????????? Excuse me, I'm a bit weird
I love the ending. So, in conclusion, your poem is pretty good. I liked it.
This is really beautiful! These seem like the day-dreams you get when you're deeply crushing on someone and you can't help yourself but stare at them and imagine all the things you've listed in your poem...*Dreamy face*...
o.O Don't mind me, I have a...ummm...strange mind.Yep, I agree, change your "U's" into "YOU's". That's all the edits I suggest you make otherwise it's great! I guess you're not called poetrygoddess for nothing
Keep writing!
Hello, Angel here!
Anywho, I couldn't find anything misspelled, and the flow was great. I loved this! Keep up the great work and if you need anything else reviewed, please don't hesitate to ask! Until then.
First off this is kind of amazing! (And by kind of I mean totally.) But I think when you say "u" it throws it off. It would be much more proffessional if you were to put "you" instead. As a reader I would like it more if it was like that, but that's just me
--Angel