Published March 31, 2006
farce
people cry
people try,to become perfect
people die
but you feel insignificant.
so you push yourself,
until your some one else
like another book on a shelf,
so you feel so false,
as you walk by you realize
you feel like you're invisible,
you cannot see your real eyes
you say to yourself inconceivable,
so you change,
but than you can't
because its out of range,
again you are an ant
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I like it. Not bad. I had some trouble understanding it at first, but after the third time over I got it. The main thing that jumped out at me was the main topic: someone being what they're not, realizing that's not what they want, wanting to change but can't, right (or something like that)? If I'm wrong, I'm sorry, but that's what I got from it. I like how you wrote in the second person. Usually in pieces that are short and dramatic as so, I tend to see first and third persons. Well done to you, and to your poem well written. Five out of ten stars from the Black Sheep.
Postscript - "your invisible" is supposed to be "you're invisible"
its alright i liked the first verse very intresting
people cry
people try,to become perfect
people die
but you feel insignifigant
i was thinking instead of insignifigant i would put something else instead to make it flow more
thats if you want to anyway
but then you can't
Grammatial, spelling and punctuation related flaws in this poem distracted me. Clean it up next time.
I believe you have something with this - the passion is there, and that is a start.
It's pretty, and halfway deep. I liked it.
odd spell check should of picted that up and farsle is fake, not real etc.
Ok,not bad!!
Why is it Farse??
You've a few spelling errors like:
insignifigant??
inconsibable ??