True friends
They come and they stay,
I thought they accepted me for who I was,
It turned out I was wrong.
They didn’t accept me for who I was.
I thought they were different,
More excepting and understanding,
I acted one way, but I wasn’t that really.
Thought I had tons,
Turned out I only had a few,
What once was plenty,
Was now not so many.
I now regret with all my heart,
The things I so hardly did fret,
‘Twas once happiness and worry free,
Is now hurtful and a burden heavy.
True friends are like two peas in a pod,
When they come it is easy to recognize,
You get this supportive feeling,
That helps you to your feet and brushes you off.
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139,506 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Hey, Cowboy! clogs here for a Review Day review!
Okay, first order of business: You mean "accept", not "except". "Except" means just about the opposite of "accept", and its misuse is absolutely driving me nuts. Please, please fix that.
Second order of business: There seems to be a disturbing trend nowadays of putting entire poems in italics. Why? Whyyyyyyyy? Why do people do this? It doesn't add anything. Italics are meant for emphasis, so what exactly are you gaining by emphasizing the entire poem? It's like playing an entire concerto at maximum volume. By doing that, you lose the effect of the different dynamics, so the effect of parts that are meant to be emphasized are lost. The same concept applies to writing. I'd recommend taking the italics away, and only using them where they're necessary.
I think this poem is rather unorganized. It comes off as a bit rambly. I think something that might help would be to put this into stanzas. Then, you could put all the different ideas in the poem into stanzas and keep them separate. It would also make it more appealing to the eye.
I feel pretty certain that this is a mistake, because this whole poem is about how great true friends are, but in these first few lines, you're talking about how true friends apparently come and go and don't accept you for who you are. I think this should probably be fake friends or something, not true friends.
At times I kinda feel like you're trying to rhyme this, but it's so subtle that I'm not even sure. If you are, then I just recommend sticking to free verse for this poem. It's already at that point anyway, why bother trying to add rhyme? And if you were trying to rhyme, I don't think it really worked, since you didn't follow a set rhyme scheme at all, so I'd recommend just removing those.
I think the imagery in this poem is pretty bland and generic. For instance:
That's a very overused expression, so it doesn't make me feel anything when I read it. I'm sure there's a way to be more descriptive about how rare and precious true friends are! Try comparing them to jewels or stars or something to help liven up the poem. Adding imagery like that will help bring your poem to life, as it's a little vanilla right now. Here's a lovely, lovely YWS Knowledge Base article that will help you with imagery in your poems.
Imagery
Also, this doesn't just apply to this one line of your poem, but the whole thing! Proper use of imagery can make good poems into something truly great. Try to evoke images and senses in the reader's mind as they read your poem.
I see you've decided to capitalize every line. While that's a perfectly valid choice in capitalization, I'd like to see you explore some other options. Poetry is so fluid with the rules, and it's always fun to experiment. Here's another KB article:
Capitalization in Poetry
This topic is written about fairly often, and I just don't feel like you added a unique insight into it. Writing about overused ideas is unavoidable; what you can do is bring your own insight into these ideas to make them your own. I'm just not getting that right now. Try to add things that are personal to you, like what a true friend has done for you in your life.
Overall, I didn't really like this, but I do see potential. I hope this review helps you to achieve some of that potential! Please don't be discouraged, and keep on writing!
Changes are made and I hope you like it now.
Hi. I do agree with Zackymas. Your message is one of power but, you lost me in the middle. Maybe it would be to your advantage to look at some poetry formats. Again the message is one that should be heard by everyone. The only down side it the presentation in format and word choice.
Do not be discouraged! You do not have to listen to me at all I am only trying to give constructive criticism. Please above all else keep writing! Even if it means totally ignoring my thoughts. The most important thing is that you keep going and not give up.
I will go to many poetry sites and I will improve. I made changes so I hope you approve.
Now I shalt review thy work :v
it wasn't my intention. But there are simply some things that can not be hidden if we want you to improve your writing (And you can be sure as frickle frackle we all want that).
Okay first things first. I liked the message, sadly, that's where the good things end.
Your use of the word 'excepted' (In both occasions) is wrong, you meant to use 'accepted'. Also, how you use the word 'truly' feels a little off, I'm not saying it's wrong, but that should try to either replace it or remove it entirely.
You don't use stanzas, which isn't like totally wrong, but it's acceptable. Just know stanzas are helpful and can (if used correctly) strengthen your poem's message. Other thing to note is the rhyming, I'm not sure if you wanted to rhyme or not, but there are some rhymes here that sounds forced and off place. I recommend a re-read.
Sorry if I was a little harsh
Just keep writing
Changes made and I hope it is better.