Help and Support,
They are the two most wanted things in the world,
They are from one to another, just reports,
They are not frilled.
They are just straight forward loving reports,
They are venting and sad,
But they are said without remorse,
I know it sounds bad.
With loving and consoling Help,
And peaceful and loving words,
You can get it all out without a yelp,
And you can get away with calling them terds.
I wish could be there,
But we both know I can’t,
I want to be with you everywhere,
But all I can do right now is rant.
I want you to know you have help and support,
And you have someone to talk to,
So if you want to give me a report,
I am a loving person to talk too.
Going through troubles wears a person down,
Especially if they are not getting along,
So if you are feeling like you are down on the ground,
Come and let your feelings out and keep none.
Troubles make or break you in a matter of days,
They wear you down to a nub,
So if your feelings are losing rays,
You have someone to give you a back rub.
Troubles are tough and sad,
Especially with family involved,
But don't feel like you are bad,
Feel like you are being revolved.
If you want loving support,
Come to me and let it go,
You can give me reports,
Get all of the anger out and don't let it grow.
You can say really,
But without any judging,
It is not frilly,
Just loving, not judging.
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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Hi my name is Jessiebear I noticed that you are new the site so I just want to say welcome. I do hope this site will help you with your writing not that I am saying it is bad are any thing. Because this poem is remarkable. I really loved it, it was amazing!
I hope you keep on writing great work. I hope you have a grate day or night.
I loved it that you pout your capitals in the right please. All of it rimed to and it all just went to gather. The gramper and the spelling was all great too!
I loved this first part
(Help and Support,
They are the two most wanted things in the world,
They are from one to another, just reports,
They are not frilled.
They are just straight forward loving reports,
They are venting and sad,
But they are said without remorse,
I know it sounds bad.
With loving and consoling Help,
And peaceful and loving words,
You can get it all out without a yelp,
And you can get away with calling them terds.
I wish could be there,
But we both know I can’t,
I want to be with you everywhere,
But all I can do right now is rant.)
But there is one spelling mistake and it is this one ( terds ) but all in all it is great!
So I hope you keep on writing great poems and I hope you will right novels and paragraphs. Oh and if I did not tell you, you are great at writing!
Buy I hope I will see you around.
Thanks jessiebear for the review and I did not know how to actually spell terds and Microsoft Word didn't either, so I just went with that.
Okay it is fine with me.
The poem isn't a bad idea at all, and truthfully I get what you are trying to accomplish. It's an address to everyone struggling with feeling and negative emotions. There are a lot of flaws that I want to point out, strictly to see you improve it.
The most important and apparent flaw is your inconsistent rhyme scheme. Your first stanza does not rhyme at all. Then you stick with a consistent ABAB for a couple stanzas, then don't rhyme again. You should stick with a complete rhyme scheme the entire poem. I understand there are a lot of words that you use that don't have many rhymes. But you need to be creative and fix that. It's a critical flaw, and will mess with the reader.
In your last stanza, when rhyming, you never want to end with the same word twice. Judging and judging don't rhyme. It's just repeating the same word. Change that as well.
Another problem I have is that you use the same words a lot. You repeat report, a lot. As a reader, I should not be able to point out a single word and say that you definitely used that one word the most throughout your poem. Go back through and change a lot of the word choice and it will greatly improve.
In your fourth stanza, the line where you say, "I want to be with everywhere." is really confusing to me. I don't feel like you're intending specific locations, but instead time. I feel like, "I want to be around you with all the time that I have to spare," would be a much more accomplished line for what I think you are trying to accomplish. It's just an idea, but I would change the line if I were you.
Lastly, throughout your poem, there are lines where you use incorrect capitalization. Change that, because that seriously messes up your reader.
I don't mean to be incredibly critical or rude. Just trying to consult you and give you advice on improvements. Thank you for your piece!
I would like to say that it's nice how you posted this but it's kinda hard to tell what's going on.
And you don't need to capitalize words after comas.
Wish you better luck for posts in the future.
I use Microsoft word to write my poems, and I use a new paragraph for every line, so it automatically capitalizes the first letter of the sentence.
I would like to say that it's nice how you posted this but it's kinda hard to tell what's going on.
And you don't need to capitalize words after comas.
Wish you better luck for posts in the future.
First of all,I want to tell you that you are welcome in this site because I just noticed you are a new member who had joined today.So I hope you have fun here and the reviewers help you improve your writing skills.I hope to see your works in the future even more.
The first thing that could be counted as a negative comment is that the capitalization is a problem in this work.It is used in places which do not need the capitalization.I find this as the main problem which is not involved with the idea of this work.
I like the work and as a first work posted here,It is a very good one.You start well.For the punctuation I can not say anything because it is on point.
WIth that negative part of the review left behind,good job.
I am sure this will help many people who have problems like these.I love the idea that you want to help others.Keep on writing.
Thank you GreatKing and I will heed your advise and use it in the other poems that I am hoping to post. For the one capitalization error, that is a regular for me and I forgot to fix it, for some reason I always hit the shift button when writing.
~PoeticCowboy
You are welcome.