Nia! I wanted to stop by and lay some love on you - what a great title you have!
You already know that I think this is devastatingly good. I love the way all the elements of your poem match up perfectly, from your use of punctuation marks to your lack of capitalisation to your unusual and utterly in tune use of language. It all comes together to form a poem that doesn't know that it wants to be understood. I think that is one of the really heavy things about this poem. It is a plea, a cry into the darkness that is personal and heartbreaking and real for the narrator, however as an audience, it is really easy for me to connect with your poem, to take on the personal heartbreak and wonder how I could sit through it. Each image is crafted carefully and with a take on how language shifts under the skin of our throats - you have a natural rhythm and a cadence that is all your own. The effect is a grave, fluid call to someone who has lost and is lost and may not want to be found even during their own finding.
If I am looking for complications - and I have to search because I do so love it - I think it's the opening couplet. It works as an introduction to the overall theme of your poem and seems a suitable stand in to explain the very basis on which the narrator's foundation has grown. However, I feel that it has less of that smooth personability that the rest of your poem continues on with. That is probably the couplet format that is getting in the way of the easy movement. Changing that would change the tenor of your poem in some way, I think, it would alter the sense of rhythm and pattern you have. But think about it all the same, I suppose I am saying.
It's a stunning poem and I thank you so much for posting it where others can take it on and share it further, because it is most certainly worth their time and their effort.
May you only ever improve.
- <3
Points: 240
Reviews: 896
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