Thinking of a new concept for this. Will put up when finished
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Radrook here to provide feedback as a reader and as a writer and as a human being. Please note that as a human being I have my own personal beliefs and these might be based on writings that might be considered sacred. So since reviewers vary in that way when a we write something that is religiously controversial then it is only natural that a response will actually include an opposing view in order to clarify. For example, if I write a poem or short story that glorifies abortion, torture, murder, theft, or if I even as much as dare to describe president Trump in a distorted fashion, then it is only natural that it will draw a contrary view that seeks to clarify lest the misinformation or distortion of who Trump is or where he lives be taken for a viable possibility.
That being said the description of heaven as empty place just didn’t fit in with my Christian beliefs:
Job 1:6 ►
New International Version
One day the angels came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came with them.
That is a far cry from an isolated place.
So when silence and utter emptiness was mentioned I knew instantly that this was a drastic deviation from what the Bible tells us. Yet, I had hoped that apart from the emptiness and desolation the creator himself would be either a brightness beyond all belief:
Or a blessing as Jesus promised:
So it came as a total shock that the creator was depicted a wild beast. Especially when Revelation describes a wild beast as being in league with Satan the Dragon and being God's enemy whom God himself will destroy.
Also made me think about the beasts used to represent Satanically controlled governments in the book of Daniel.
So once more I realized that this was definitely not a biblically based description but a description that went completely contrary to it. Having realized this, I could not help, as a Christian reader. to conclude that it constitutes a defamation of God's character or personality and of course that it pleases the Devil enormously.
I also found quaint that all people see death in the manner described when millions consider it merely a transition to another life either by the process of reincarnation or via the promised resurrection of the dead. So I concluded that it was a reference to those who are hopeless and are therefore filled with dread as described in the scripture below.
In short, the whole story TO ME comes across as a attempt to discredit the promises made in the Bible and discredit the descriptions made in the Bible. To me that in itself confers or infuses a certain flaw that utterly detracts from whatever writing skills might have been employed in its creation. That is my reactions a reader.
General writing improvement suggestions:
Saying that everyone is in fear of death is an overgneralization.
Mentioning a cyborg transformation without explaining how it was relevant in a religious way leaves the reader in a quandary. Better not to mention it at all if it will only arouse unanswered questions.
Please note that the word "strange" in describing how people looked at Henry is too vague to convey anything at all. Strange in what way?
There iscalso a contradiction in saying that people ARE happly and then saying that on the inside they are in terror. Better to use the word ""seem".
I am very sorry about the way you think that I was trying to discredit the bible. I only wrote this because I saw a writing prompt on Pinterest and thought that it could be a cool concept. Again, I am very sorry about this. I will re-write it again. Sorry
Please note that I hesitated a long while before deciding to respond to the story because I didn't want to give the impression that I am demanding that subjects must be those which do not pose theological controversies. No, that is not what I am demanding. After all, the world is composed of many people with many beliefs and with the right to express such beliefs in any artistic venue they might choose.
But as a Christian reviewer I really had no choice but to provide the biblical viewpoint to perhaps offset the possible doubts that the story might have engendered towards the biblical message. You see, there are indeed people who consider God as monstrous based on all the evil he permits n the world. So for such people acceptance of his being literally a beast wouldn't be hard to imagine.
In any case, I apologize if I came accross as attempting to deprive you of freedom of speech. It was only an attempt to do my Christian duty. Thanks for your decent response.
Hey! Noodles here to pop in for a review!
First off, this was a cool concept. I like the idea, but it has a few holes. How is Henry the only one who didn't realize what God was? How did everyone else know? Did anyone else choose to go to Heaven, and if they did, what happened to them? (I assume that they were eaten.) I realize that this is only 500 words, and you did excellent with it. If this was a full blown story, I would ask for more imagery with how God looked, but how you did describe it with the word cap was excellent.
There are a few grammar errors, such as a missing period at the end of the first paragraph. "Creeeeeek," should also just be italicized instead of extended, and "realised," should be "realized." But other than that, it's very good!
The story was very intriguing to me. I really enjoyed reading this!
With the fact that everyone else knew God was, I should probably make it more clear that he wasn't the only one. Jinzindi was a religion that worshipped God, who believed that he was a good being, but everyone else believes otherwise because of old stories that were passed through generations. I know I didn't explain that, but it was because of the word cap. Sorry about that
No, it's totally good! Now it makes more sense lol. Thank you for clarifying! I don't see many word capped stories (probably because I don't dig deep enough) but with the limit you did really well with it!