The lake is orange when we find him
elbow deep in wetland, his whelp-like whine thrown
to shore like a life line. We stand with empty hanging
hands as the setting sun swallows our Shadow.
My brother speaks. Three-year-old shoulders set, squared.
“We should pray”. I react with doubt as he drops
to his knees, eyes shut, arms crossed.
I slump beside him, sand grinding my shins
hands clasped in assumed humility.
He tells me I’m older, so I should pray. Dear God.
The words are awkward at first. Spilling over my tongue
to halt at the teeth, then flood the air around me.
I pray for our dog. For help we are too small to give.
Amen, like a gunshot, we surge our feet. Eyes seek
descending angels or waters that part. The dog whimpers.
We Call out, chanting his name like a spell.
He cries and lurches. A flash
of white paw, then again- faster and faster
Until we collapse embracing every inch
Of sodden fur as the coming stars herd us home
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140,443 Literary Works • 673,193 Reviews
Very well written. To me there was a little confusion in the end of the work, but it still was an interesting poem. I reminded me of an old memory similar to this. Which says a lot of your writing. It's always good to have a reader connect it to a past memory or thought so they will come back to the work. Good work, and good luck in the future.
I...well...This is amazing. I'm not sure I really have any words in me to do justice to this but i'll give it a go. The imagery is incredible. For me you seem to have somehow written something in which the emotions are refined yet full of conflict and raw energy. There are so many different emotions roiling around in the poem. Helplessness, sadness, confusion, and perhaps an edge of anger. I love it. It's amazing. You are a very talented person.
This was beautiful in its simplicity. I loved it. Wonderful job!
This is very beautiful, I enjoyed reading it a lot. I envisioned this happening, so you can portray the 'show, not tell' rule very well. Keep writing I would like to see more!
Hello, Tory here. I loved the story, it had a simplistic beauty that I thoroughly enjoyed. Although The flow was a bit off, it was very stop and go. For example:
period always goes inside quotations1. This sentence could either be combined into one, or 2. you could start using stanzas.
Here is an example of what it would look like in stanza.
Putting poems in stanza's helps readers notice notice natural stops like after you know there should be a comma or a period depending on what context. I definitely recommend reading your pieces to yourself, once I started doing it my writing improved with leaps and bounds! Seriously haha! I love the way you described a scene in a very real way. My favorite line,
Thank you! P.S. Keep writing!