Young Writers Society

I watched the sea as it lapped at my feat; projecting a false sense of obedience where it had none. I was deep in thought, pondering what the sea could do, what it was capable of, how small and insignificant we must seem to it. How powerless we truly were and how the human race refused to admit it, refused to give up its false dream of dominance. The first thing that jumps out at me is how simmilar your sentences are. It's almost like speaking in monotone. Try altering a few of them to get some more emotion across.

The Sun was setting, and its glorious golden rays were reflected back into my eye. It's not quite clear what the rays are reflecting off. I realise it's probably the sea, but you might want to make that a bit more obvious. I thought again, try putting the word "of" here how magnificent it seemed. How it too projected a false sense of goodness,"Goodness" is a bit of a boring word, try replacing it with "kindness", "compassion" or something simmilar. a sense of generosity in giving life; where it too, had none.it's not such a good idea to say "too" in reference to the ocean when you haven't mentioned it for a paragraph. Try saying: "Where it, like the ocean, had none." How I knew thatThe last three words interrupt the flow of the writing style somehow. The sentence will work fine without them. as it gave life, and we took advantage of it, it was slowly taking it away. How eventually, over millions and millions of years, it would die, taking Earth with it. You only had to look to appreciate how nature is truly the King of the Universe.

It’s all a game, a game of chess; and we are merely a pawn[/b]bad grammar, use "we are merely pawns" instead[/b] in the grand scheme. Humans die in a blink of an eye, (other) organisms perish in half. Yet everything continues to move at a steady, incessant pace. Nothing in the world could stop it. Time is an illusion, a scam. Power is a dream. A life: a single drop in a vast ocean. As someone dies and whole families are devastated, friends are tormented and partners weep; nothing stops, nothing halts. Nothing will stop for anything. Not a pause to pick yourself up, not the space of a single breath to regain your senses. This section is very nicely done.

Yet we all live on. Life continues to flourish as the flowers bloom in the fields and the bees collect there (their) honey. Business men and women walk to work every day. Politicians debate and decide, and you don't need the word "and" here, the comma does it's job for it world leaders add to the illusion of power in their everlasting ignorance: that neither we nor they are in control; that neither we nor they can alter the balance of power – the balance where the scale is completely not on our side.This last sentence is a little messy. My suggestion: "...where the scale is completely biased towards the other side."

Great concept with a lot of potential, the writing style just needs a little sorting out. You have a very nice way of using words to reflect your musings.