So here's the next part! Thanks so much for everyones helpful comments on my last piece
Hope you like this one!
She lay her hand on the cool handle, turning it slowly before pushing the door open to reveal those inside. All sounds stopped and all eyes turned up to face her, as she stood outlined in the doorway.
End of part 12
There were a few moments of silence, allowing Esme to take note of her surroundings. They were in quite a simple room surprisingly, the most prominent feature was a large round table in the centre. The ceiling was reasonably high and a few lights hung down on a black spiked hanger, ominously swinging back and forth to cast shifting shadows about the walls. Chairs were clustered around the table, all the corpse-like followers she had seen before gathered there, frozen mid-conversation at her appearance. She noticed that Joseph was amongst them, a little off to one side. He did not meet her gaze.
“Esme! We were just discussing how to proceed,” Zahra broke the quiet, as welcoming as ever. She sat directly opposite, her chair slightly larger than her neighbours save for the towering throne Esme had been tied to during the ritual on her right. Filo was to her left, smiling a little smugly. “Come sit beside me.” She indicated the chair with a sweep of her arm.
Esme swiftly moved to take her seat, the stares making her feel slightly uncomfortable. Their eyes followed her as she sat down.
I’m the one in control here, she reminded herself, refusing to let her sober composure fall. She cleared her throat. “Have you come to any decisions?”
Zahra now had to look slightly up to see Esme’s face. Although Esme could imagine that Zahra would not be particularly pleased at this position, Zahra’s expression remained the picture of respect.
“We would not do so without you, of course. Although there were some developments made before your arrival. All of which I’m sure you already know.”
What did Esme know? Before Josephs bombshell she had been completely unaware of her role, but he had presumed she did know and judging from Zahra’s comments, Esme concluded she must assume the same thing too. Esme desperately wanted answers, but how to get them without revealing she was clueless herself?
She still had her own plan of staying strong and leaving if necessary firmly in mind- if they were suspicious of her, an escape might not be possible. Zahra was awaiting some sort of sign from Esme, the rest of the room still silent. Out of the corner of her eye, Esme could see Joseph raise his head to focus on her response.
“Yes, the gateway. I do think we may need to discuss some things of relevance though.” Her tone was a touch haughty, despite the minor acceleration of her pulse.
“Oh?” Zahra raised one eyebrow expectantly.
What? What do we need to discuss? How do I find a way around this?
As her mind raced, Esme kept calm visibly, absently flicking a speck of dust off her shoulder to show she was in no hurry to explain herself. “When would you be planning on opening it?”
Surely that was a safe question?
Esme could detect a smile tugging at the corner of Zahra’s mouth as she replied. “Well that would depend upon you. Whenever you feel ready we can begin. I presumed you may enjoy a while to adjust before we tapped into your ability, but if you wish to go straight ahead then we would all be happy to do so I’m sure.”
Right, well that didn’t help in clearing anything up. I think I actually feel more confused. What ability?
Esme knew she would have to phrase her next words carefully. She was still painfully aware of the others seated around their table and their milky, relentless eyes.
“Excuse me.” A hesitant interruption saved Esme the trouble of replying. Instantly the focus moved to the skeletal girl who had spoken. The same gormless characteristics and dark rings beneath her eyes overruled her appearance. Limp red hair that ended in rats tails across her bony shoulders and a prominent chin were her only distinguishing features. She appeared uncomfortable, as if she regretted having said anything. Her gaze flittered amongst those looking at her, coming to rest on the table and fixing there. “But once the gateway has been opened, I mean, once our kind are able to come back through, where will the, well the bodies come from?”
Her voice shook slightly and Esme was not surprised- the company did not seem particularly friendly. It was Filo who answered, the first time Esme had heard him speak since the ritual. “That depends on where the gateway is. If it is near or within a well populated area, well, all the works done for us. If it’s a little away we may need to transport the first few host bodies, just so that those first spirits breaking through encounter no problems whatsoever.” A grin lighted his face, an expression that was not unfamiliar to Esme. “Of course, once they have started to come, there will be no more need of guiding- we’ll just grow and grow.”
Zahra seemed a little taken in by Filo’s explanation; her eyes glimmering and two spots of colour on her pale cheeks. The girl who had asked the question was gazing up at Filo, her mouth open slightly. Esme herself was thinking fast.
They don’t know where the gateway is? What does that mean? How can I take part in opening it to the rest of the spirits when it’s unclear where it even is? Unless…
She decided to test a theory out. A moments silence had fallen after Filo’s words as those present retreated into their own thoughts, but she broke it with confidence. “Will everyone come with us once I have located it?”
Zahra jerked out of her own dreaming with a slight shake of her head. “Not everyone, no. We will leave a few people behind, just to take care of things and in case we need them to bring something.” Esme was pretty clear she meant someone.
I was right. They need me to find the gateway, that’s what they meant by ‘using my abilities’.
Esme covered her astonishment at this new information with a brisk nod of agreement. “I thought that might be the case.” The steadiness of her voice was surprising considering how shaken up she felt.
She felt someone’s stare upon her and moved her head to meet their gaze. It was Joseph. He looked… disappointed. The only person unhappy with what had been agreed. It was clear in his wide eyes and tight lips. He did not want this either.
Esme quickly looked away. He obviously felt let down in her, having presumed the discussion before might lead to something. But he didn’t know, Joseph couldn’t understand how impossible it was for Esme to risk blowing her cover by going against what Esmerald would have done.
If only there was some way to explain…
Wait. What was she thinking? She could never explain to Joseph. Better than the others he might be, but he was still one of them. He may not want to go ahead with this- but it wasn’t for the reasons that Esme felt, it was for his own selfish needs. Esme could never tell anyone.
“Well, Esme. Have you come to a decision?”
Esme jolted at Zahra’s question, as did many others around the table who snapped out of their own thoughts on what was to come.
Decision on what?
“On when we may begin?” Zahra prompted when Esme did not immediately answer.
“Oh yes. I think we should start as soon as possible.” Esme said firmly, forcing her mouth into a wide smile.
What was she letting herself in for?
Thanks for reading! ![]()
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Canary word: Present
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This is really amazing! I read all of the parts and I must say, I'm very impressed.
Oh, fun fun! =D I'm just gonna dive in, not much time right now.
Salient Points
[There was a few moments of silence, allowing Esme to take note of her surroundings. They were in quite a simple room surprisingly, the prominent feature a large round table in the centre. The ceiling was reasonably high and a few lights hung down on a black spiked hanger, ominously swinging back and forth to cast shifting shadows about the walls. Chairs were clustered around the table, all the corpse-like followers she had seen before gathered there, frozen mid-conversation at her appearance. She noticed that Joseph was amongst them, a little off to one side. He did not meet her gaze.
“Esme! we were just discussing how to proceed.” Zahra broke the quiet, as welcoming as ever. She sat directly opposite, her chair slightly larger than her neighbours save for the towering throne Esme had been tied to during the ritual on her right. Filo was to her left, smiling a little smugly. “Come sit beside me.” She indicated the chair with a sweep of her arm.
Esme swiftly moved to take her seat, the stares making her feel slightly uncomfortable. Their eyes followed her as she sat down.
I’m the one in control here She reminded herself, refusing to let her sober composure fall. She cleared her throat. “Have you come to any decisions?”
Zahra now had to look slightly up to see Esme’s face, and although Esme could imagine that Zahra would not be particularly pleased at this position, Zahra’s expression was the picture of respect.
“We would not do so without you, of course. Although there were some developments made before your arrival. All of which I’m sure you already know.”
What did Esme know? Before Josephs bombshell she had been completely unaware of her role, but he had presumed she did know and judging from Zahra’s comments, Esme concluded she must assume the same thing too. Esme desperately wanted answers, but how to get them without revealing she was clueless herself?
She still had her own plan of staying strong and leaving if necessary firmly in mind- if they were suspicious of her, an escape might not be possible. Zahra was awaiting some sort of sign from Esme, the rest of the room still silent. Out of the corner of her eye, Esme could see Joseph raise his head to focus on her response.
“Yes, the gateway. I do think we may need to discuss some things of relevance though.” Her tone was a touch haughty, despite the minor acceleration of her pulse.
“Oh?” Zahra raised one eyebrow expectantly.
What? What do we need to discuss? How do I find a way around this?
As her mind raced, Esme kept calm visibly, absently flicking a speck of dust off her shoulder to show she was in no hurry to explain herself. “When would you be planning on opening it?”
Surely that was a safe question?
Esme could detect a smile tugging at the corner of Zahra’s mouth as she replied. “Well that would depend upon you. Whenever you feel ready we can begin. I presumed you may enjoy a while to adjust before we tapped into your ability, but if you wish to go straight ahead then we would all be happy to do so I’m sure.”
Right, well that didn’t help in clearing anything up. I think I actually feel more confused. What ability?
Esme knew she would have to phrase her next words carefully. She was still painfully aware of the others seated around their table and their milky, relentless eyes.
“Excuse me,” A hesitant interruption saved Esme the trouble of replying. Instantly the focus moved to the skeletal girl who had spoken. The same gormless characteristics and dark rings beneath her eyes overruled her appearance. Limp red hair that ended in rates tails across her bony shoulders and a prominent chin were her only distinguishing features. She appeared uncomfortable, as if she regretted having said anything. Her gaze flittered amongst those looking at her, coming to rest on the table and fixing there. “But once the gateway has been opened, I mean, once our kind are able to come back through, where will the, well the bodies come from?”
Her voice shook slightly and Esme was not surprised- the company did not seem particularly friendly. It was Filo who answered, the first time Esme had heard him speak since the ritual. “That depends on where the gateway is. If it is near or within a well populated area, well, all the works done for us. If it’s a little away we may need to transport the first few host bodies, just so that those first spirits breaking through encounter no problems whatsoever.” A grin lighted his face, an expression that was not unfamiliar to Esme. “Of course, once they have started to come, there will be no more need of guiding- we’ll just grow and grow.”
Zahra seemed a little taken in by Filo’s explanation; her eyes glimmering and two spots of colour on her pale cheeks. The girl who had asked the question was gazing up at Filo, her mouth open slightly. Esme herself was thinking fast.
They don’t know where the gateway is?! What does that mean? How can I take part in opening it to the rest of the spirits when it’s unclear where it even is? Unless…
She decided to test a theory out, a moments silence had fallen after Filo’s words as those present retreated into their own thoughts, but she broke it with confidence. “Will everyone come with us once I have located it?”
Zahra jerked out of her own dreaming with a slight shake of her head. “Not everyone, no. We will leave a few people behind, just to take care of things and in case we need them to bring something.” Esme was pretty clear she meant someone.
I was right. They need me to find the gateway, that’s what they meant by ‘using my abilities’.
Esme covered her astonishment at this new information with a brisk nod of agreement. “I thought that might be the case.” The steadiness of her voice was surprising considering how shaken up she felt.
She felt someone’s stare upon her and moved her head to meet their gaze. It was Joseph. He looked… disappointed. The only person there unhappy with what had been agreed. It was clear in his wide eyes and tight lips. He did not want this either.
Esme quickly looked away. He obviously felt let down in her, having presumed the discussion before might lead to something. But he didn’t know, Joseph couldn’t understand how impossible it was for Esme to risk blowing her cover by going against what Esmerald would have done.
If only there was some way to explain…
Wait. What was she thinking? She could never explain to Joseph. Better than the others he might be, but he was still one of them. He may not want to go ahead with this- but it wasn’t for the reasons that Esme felt, it was for his own selfish needs. Esme could never tell anyone.
“Well, Esme. Have you come to a decision?”
Esme jolted at Zahra’s question, as did many others around the table who snapped out of their own thoughts on what was to come.
“On when we may begin?” Zahra prompted when Esme did not immediately answer.
“Oh, yes. I think we should start as soon as possible,” Esme said firmly, forcing her mouth into a wide smile.
Erm...kinda awkward wording. "What was she getting herself into?" would probably be better.
Hey Pippie! Thanks for the PM!
We needs to be capitilized. Also, the period after proceed should be changed to a comma.
This is a rather long sentence. I would split it into two for more effect.
A comma after here and she doesn't have to be capitilized.
Another, rather long, sentence. This one could be split into two or three seperate sentences.
I'm not too sure if this was mentioned in previous parts, but does Esme still have some of Holly's and Esmeralda's past memories? Or is she an all new person or what?
I think the comma should be a period.
I'm very curious to know what "their kind" is. I hope that's going to be explained later on...unless it has. I can't seem to remember.
I've gotten in trouble lots for putting a question and an exclamation mark together like that. So, nix the exclamation mark. We can already tell everyone is a little surprised by Filo's answer.
Split this sentence in half. It's rather long.
This sentence is rather...awkward. I know what you're saying here but I had to read it a couple of times. Perhaps you could try rewording it ^_^
I believe that's all I could catch >_<
Overall: Another good part! You explained things nicely without boring your reader and you brought more questions to the surface to keep the reader interested. But, you used quite a few long sentences. Sentences that didn't need to be that long. Other then those few mistakes I pointed out, there was nothing else. Good job!
Happy Writing!
Meadow
Thanks for the PM!
I didn't see anything that needed correcting. I really like the story, I'm so curious about what will happen! Can't wait for the rest!
Thanks for the PM!
I've actually got a couple of nit-picks this time o,o Strange.
There was a few moments of silence, Shouldn't that be 'were' instead of 'was', unless you change 'a few moments' to 'a moment' So There was a moment of silence. OR There were a few moments of silence ^-^
the prominent feature a large round table in the centre Maybe you should try putting, the most prominent feature was a Because it seems as if a few words are missing there.
rates What? :S Does that mean rats ? Typoed? ^-^
I couldn't find any other mistakes, hardly ever can with you ! xD
Keep writing !
Hey Pippie =]
I feel so close to actually finding out why Esme is there.
Thanks for the PM
So, I really liked this part. There wasn't much action, but a lot of questions were answered and new ones asked.
the prominent feature a large round table in the centre - I don't know if this sentence would sound better with 'being' after 'feature'
rates - Should it say 'rats' ?
I couldn't find any other mistakes, so you did a good job there.
I like the mentioning of Esme's ability too - I want to know what it is
Another great part and I'm really looking forward to reading part 14.
Your story really does have me gripped
xDudettex