Maya's fingers hesistated over the shining black keys on her laptop. She ran her fingers through her choppy blonde hair and clicked the button reading, "upload photo". Quickly typing a caption, she published it to her page and closed the computer.
~~~~~~~
The school halls were crowded, filled with the dragging feet and drooping heads of those who chose first hour over more sleep and a morning coffee run. Maya held her head high, meticulously painted eyes masking any sign of dark circles or drooping eyelids. She flashed a smile at anyone who looked her way, her heart beating in time with the clicking of her heels.
She felt her facade was convincing. Envious glances made her laugh inwardly, and hateful sneers bore holes in her back. Their detest didn't matter. She didn't need their favor. She knew that if she kept telling herself that, it would become true.
She jumped and gasped as a hand slapped her butt, only inches above the hem of her tight-fitting, rose patterned skirt. She spun around, masking her fear by hardening her features.
"Who do you think you--" she stopped and relaxed, exhaling deeply. "Mattias, you scared me! Do-don't do that here, okay?" Her boyfriend smirked, tilting her head up so he could kiss her. "Why?"
He held her waist, walking with her as she made her way down the hallway.
She composed her face, regaining a sense of control over her emotions."You just suprised me, is all. Just, please don't do that in school. I don't want to get in trouble again."
"Whatever you say, babe." He leaned down until his lips brushed the tip of her ear. "I'll save that for tonight."
Her face reddened, and she pulled away slightly. "I told you, I can't make it tonight."
His face hardened. "You kow what, Maya? You keep saying that. You haven't been over in weeks, and I'm pretty freaking tired of it."
She looked around frantically as his voice rose and questioning bystanders began to congregate.
"Next time, I promise. Nothing will get in the way of us, then." She walked away, not even giving him time to respond. She glanced sideways as her friend materialized by her side.
"What's the look for?" she asked defensivly. Skylar sighed.
"You're settling," she stated, shaking her head.
"That's none of your buisness, but I'm not." Maya ran her hand through her hair and clenched her jaw.
"May, I'm your best friend. I know you're not happy with him. So just break up with him. I hate seeing you like this." Skylar grabbed her friend's hands and stared into her eyes. Maya shook her head.
"Sorry, Sky. That's not happening."
~~~~~~
Maya blinked as she took out her contacts and set them in their case. She slipped on her glasses and pulled her hair into a ponytail. She logged onto her facebook account, her heart beating faster as she clicked the notifications. Fifty two comments on your picture, it read. She opened the page and read the responses.
"Ur not ugly, ur hot!"
"Wht r u talking about? Ur so pretty!"
"Sht up, gorgeous."
She pulled at her pony tail and scrolled further.
"God, Maya, you're such an attention whore."
"Put some clothes on and gain some self respect."
She sighed and closed the page. She'd read stories about people people overcoming abuse and addiction. She glanced at her wrists. She was always too scared to cut. She'd heard they have a support group for everything. That was a lie. They didn't have one for her. She was the girl whose skirt strangers lifted up. She was just an attention whore.
Hi, Piper. This is Pinkie here for a review.
To The Nitpicks!!
"You kow what, Maya? You keep saying that. You haven't been over in weeks, and I'm pretty freaking tired of it."
You misspelled 'know' wrong.
"What's the look for?" she asked defensivly."
You misspelled 'defensively' wrong.
"That's none of your buisness, but I'm not." Maya ran her hand through her hair and clenched her jaw."
You misspelled 'business' wrong.
"She'd read stories about people people overcoming abuse and addiction."
You repeated 'people' twice. You need to take one of them off.
End Of Nitpick!!
Overall, this is a good story to read. I hope Maya learned herself of showing picture of herself looking like a whore to strangers. However, I want to know why she did that by the way. I need to know more backstories or anything for this story. Anyway, have a nice day!
Nice Job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
HI Taccksssssss.
Hesitated was spelled wrong.
Okay, for some reason, I really don't lie this being here. You could start the story after this, and it would look just fine. This doesn't feel like enough for it to be separated from the rest. It feels disjointed and uncomfortable from the story. Maybe if you put it with the other story and put it in italics? Just try that format, and see if it feels smoother.
chose what over a what? I think you mean "who chose an extra hour of sleep over a morning coffee run" but I'm not sure...
Nice imaginary!
Change this to a comma.
You might want to change this to a thought. You're getting dangerously close to telling, and even though it fits this format, it's still a scary thought, isn't it?
As much as I love this name, you need something more mainstream that doesn't start with a M.
Maybe now would be a good time to talk about how naked she feels without makeup? How much she hates her glasses cause she feels venerable when she wears them?
That's a lot of comments O.o
Elaborate, darling.
People actually do that? Also, make this two lines. Much more dramatic.
This has to be my favorite of yours. I absolutely love it, which you know. I was really searching for things to correct. it's that good.
Ooh, wow. This is depressing. I liked it though, however. The characters surrounding the MC seem a little flat...it's very short, I know, but try not to make them too cookie-cutter. the names also, are a bit too similar to one another "Mattias" is too close to Maya (and it's just a wierd name for non-fantasy too) and Skylar sounded like a guy's name.
I loved the characterization, but overall, I failed to see the point. It lends depth to the school drama queen, yes, but other than a snippet of her everyday life, I fail to see the reason WHY. Why is she doing this? Why is this story important? I would like to see the theme/moral hightened more---not to overdo it or anything, but to give the reader a better sense of what this story is really about.
Anyway, hope this helps
~ED