Spoilers: Please don't review this.
Hi there
My name was Eryka Presley
I was your biggest fan
I watched your videos
Now and then
Your sense of humor made me smile
As your handsome voice was music to my ears
Every time I watched your funny videos
You never showed your face
I was always wandering what you looked like
Because you sounded like an angel
An angel with a wonderful voice who never revealed himself
You always wore a mask which was your mascot named 'Sup Guy'
You never took it off to show us your whole face
Expected your mouth which formed a smile
You were the most mysterious person that I'd ever met
I knew that you didn't like to show yourself to people
But I wanted you to show me who you really were
So I asked you this, my friend
Can you show me your face, Cry?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Knight r4 here to review this work. I know that you don't want this work to be reviewed, and you don't have to take my advice, but if you are going to post something it appears in the Green Room so I am obliged to clear it out as a knight of the Green Room. Please don't take offense or anything. I am not trying to spite you or anything like that. Hope this helps.
.
I am not sure if this was supposed to be funny or not, but you need to shorten it a little.I noticed that you had certain words in blue like a link. I am not quite sure why. Is it supposed to indicate something such as an accent or what? Please let me know.
One thing I noticed is that you have virtually no punctuation of any kind. That indicates that that this is one long sentence. Though, I must say, that is probably one of the longest sentences I have ever seen
I noticed that these two punctuation marks comprised half of the punctuation in the entire sentence. But ironically I think that the comma should be replaced by an and.
Overall this was pretty well written. I am not quite sure what the purpose of the poem was, though I think that I might be a romance poem. It kind of had that flavor to it.
The only thing I thought you could do a little better on overall, aside from the punctuation, was make the poem flow a little better, and have a little more structure than you had.
Again I hope this helps you, and I hope that you aren't upset about me reviewing this. Like I said I am not trying to be mean, though as Bicuits said, "the whole point of YWS is to review." So for you to tell people not to review is A) taking points away from them that they could earn to use for publishing their own works and B) discouraging them from doing their duty to KotGR. I hope you aren't offended. Happy writing!!!
Dude, Cry is a name of the guy. It needs a comma. And the first one is not supposed to be funny and didn't need to be shorten.
Oh, I didn't know that Cry was the name of a person! That never crossed my mind.
The reason I said to shorten it was because I thought it didn't flow very well like a poem should.
Who's cares?! It is a not rhyme poem.
We're just trying to help, my friend.
We are not friends, ma'am.
Hey, Pinkiegirl13, Strangelove here and I have a review for you!
This was a decent work, I have to admit. I was quite, unsure of what the message/meaning of this poem was.
First off, there was no pattern or rhyme. Not every poem needs a rhyme or a pattern, but this is too straightforward to be a poem. It tells an unique story of a stalker (which had weirdly a huge amount of detail of this youtuber for a poem) who is completely obsessed. You don't go the way of "uber obsessed" as some do, but you still do it. You say this poem in a great way, just blunt and honest. It does seem creepy, but you handle it in a different way.
There are problems with this. Not feeling like a poem, and the random amount of detail. It felt way too thought out, like you experienced this (Most likely didn't) but you can write. Also, you make the reader seem that we can relate to the narrator, which I don't see how. They never met this youtuber yet wants to be there for them.
Overall, good job.
Strange gives you...
7.1/10
Good job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.
Dude, why a review? It is about a girl who is a fan who wants to see the guy. I am detailing of how cry's voice, his personalities, and the looks of him. Plus, this is not a obsession thing.
If you don't want a review, then don't post it!
Rude...
Hey, Pinkie. Listen, Strange isn't trying to be rude (are you Strange?
). It's just that the whole point of YWS is to review. I won't review it, as you wish, but don't be surprised if someone else does.
I hope you don't take offence
I'm not trying to be rude, but somebody ought to review it, and I did
I know you don't want reviews on this, but it needs to be reviewed in order to leave the green room... May I suggest this as a blog post?
Pinkie, buddy! Hey! I know you don't want anyone to review this for you... but, whatever. I'm gonna summarize this, and review what happened.
*reads*
On second thought, I won't.
It's very good. But, I've got a concern. If you wanted nobody to review this, why not just turn it into a blog post?
I don't know why you said not to review, but I won't. This is still a beautiful piece, and it made me cry. I love it.
Thanks for that. Also, how it made you cry, friend?
The words you put in make or break it.
Spoiler
Since your work is in the Green Room, people will want to review it—but it can't leave the Green Room until it gets two reviews.
Also, I think your computer may have a virus. There's a virus that a lot of people seem to have that places random links into text files created on your computer. I think Nate a post about it and how to get rid of it, so you may want to check that out~
Well, nothing's wrong with my computer. It always do that.
Then you need to uninstall unnecessary programs from your computer because it will make the computer lag, plus, those kinds of links are advertisements for a product.
It's not supposed to do that, though. Here's the post about the malware that causes it: If you see random links in a lit work...
"Spoilers: Please don't review this. "
Then don't post it here, because it won't leave the green room until it receives at least 2 reviews.