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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Huh. Okay, well first I'm going to point out that your italics and bold-face words didn't show up right.
The first piece was kind of ... eh. You used the pronoun 'he' at the beginning of four out of six sentences, and it got a little repetitiveness.
The poem was considerably more interesting and worked nicely until the last two "stanza. It was mostly just the last stanza that had issues, though. There was really not poetic rhythm there and the lines were fragmented in a way I wasn't very fond of. "Held to her face" doesn't really make sense, and the next line should be "she inhaled then sighed" at best. If you put that 'she' in there, the "openly holding" part makes more sense, too. I would also take off the comma from the end of that line, as "openly holding the rose over the abyss" would be one clause.