z

Young Writers Society



ZLYF News 001

by PiesAreSquared


By right this should go into fan-fiction, but i will post it here...

Ok this is my news for the galaxy. First, let me tell you something. I am C-3po, nah, just joking. This is my first day in office, and the year is 9999.

Galaxy coast-guards have found an alien not originating from our galaxy. She has been put in a secure facility pending deportation to heaven knows where.

Her name has been put down as Marasiah Fel, and she says she is the princess from the Star Wars Galaxy. Personally I do not believe. She is not going on an exhibition by the way, and the famous Spock has been arrested for the not securing the galactic borders.

The captain of the USS Enterprise James T. Kirk says there are too few men to properly guard the border from illegal immigrants.

Found together with Fel was someone called Countess Dooku. She told border guards, “I’ve become more powerful than any eartherners, even you.” She did not, however, electrocute anyone because there is no such thing as the force around here. Anthony Edward Stark, the Chancellor of The Republic of Milky Way galaxy has said through his spokesman, “They will be deported, but they will be allowed to use their ship to get back to wherever they came from.”

And that’s the news for today, I’ll get back when there is more important news or when there is need of a revision. Have a great day!

The End


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Wed Sep 29, 2021 11:56 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Ok this is my news for the galaxy. First, let me tell you something. I am C-3po, nah, just joking. This is my first day in office, and the year is 9999.

Galaxy coast-guards have found an alien not originating from our galaxy. She has been put in a secure facility pending deportation to heaven knows where.


Umm...so this appears to be some kind of intergalactic news transmission situation going on here. It sounds like that's the direction you're trying to nudge this in although it is a little bit unclear. The tone there at the start doesn't sound like someone sort of writing in a journal or something else like that nor does it quite sound like a new channel would.

Her name has been put down as Marasiah Fel, and she says she is the princess from the Star Wars Galaxy. Personally I do not believe. She is not going on an exhibition by the way, and the famous Spock has been arrested for the not securing the galactic borders.

The captain of the USS Enterprise James T. Kirk says there are too few men to properly guard the border from illegal immigrants.


Okay..that does sounds a little bit more like some sort of news report with the tone there, and it definitely does catch your attention as a reader too, so this is off to a pretty neat start at the moment. I am wondering where this maybe be going, but well, it is still only halfway through I suppose.

Found together with Fel was someone called Countess Dooku. She told border guards, “I’ve become more powerful than any eartherners, even you.” She did not, however, electrocute anyone because there is no such thing as the force around here. Anthony Edward Stark, the Chancellor of The Republic of Milky Way galaxy has said through his spokesman, “They will be deported, but they will be allowed to use their ship to get back to wherever they came from.”

And that’s the news for today, I’ll get back when there is more important news or when there is need of a revision. Have a great day!


Aaand the ending is interesting it sounds like the end of the news broadcast but also the end of the story? This is in the novel section so I'm wondering why there's an end tagged on there, but well the news itself definitely came to an end in a fairly realistic for well news...but hmm, if this maybe meant as a prologue to something more this makes for an interesting, but on its own it doesn't quite seem to go all that many places and as such is not a fully satisfying plot here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Oct 17, 2010 9:31 am
PiesAreSquared says...



8th grade....how old is that?




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Sat Oct 16, 2010 2:25 am
Kwantack says...



Hahaha this reminded me of my 8th grade weather report. It's very unique, but maybe make it a little longer.




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Tue Oct 12, 2010 12:09 pm
PiesAreSquared says...



LOL, i wrote it for the idea, was trying to retain it, it only took a few minutes :P the news anchor would know, as he is supposed to be me




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Tue Oct 12, 2010 11:54 am
Jenthura wrote a review...



Hmm, if you wanted to do a Star Wars-Star Trek mix reported as news, then you should have written it like real news. Also, the news anchor (the guy talking) would know nothing about The Force, or C-3PO.
You have a good piece of fanficion here, but it definitely needs work.
Jenthura





But there was no goat man, there was NEVER any goat man!
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