Hello! I read your poem and really wanted to write my thoughts on the piece. First, I want to thank you for having the courage to share your poetry online, it takes a lot to share that part of your mind with strangers who can pick it apart. I will begin with things I found favorable in my eyes before moving on to any suggestions (if I have any). Let’s begin!
→ This poem begins really well-written. I enjoy the image of the “spark” sitting and playing instruments that give off that elegant sound.
→ The second stanza contrasts this light imagery with a “dark red mass” which goes very well together! I can tell that a story is beginning to be told through the poem. This stanza is where the rhyme came alive to me. The two lines
read so beautifully together.Across it looms a dark red mass
Beating mahogany brass
→ Onto the third stanza, the wording of this is wonderful. Words such as: mull, looming, and fleeting give the poem so much color and life. The phrase “giving throats” is so unique and definitely a type of phrase I’d like to learn to incorporate into my own poetry. Also the song imagery, which ties back to the first stanza makes the story and content of the poem feel very cohesive.
→ The fourth stanza the story evolves with images like, “caught in glass” and “passed over from hand to hand.” These images drive the poem forward and prepare the reader for the ending couplet. The wording matches the tone of the other stanzas
→ It’s interesting that the ending of the poem ends in a couplet rather than a full four-lined stanza like the rest. This effect gives the feeling of something ending rather quickly. It fits really well at the ending of this poem, giving the poem a strong, clean, and nice ending.
→ The rhyme of this poem is really well done, even if it can seem to be simplistic because of the single-syllable words. I think reading this poem out loud was really satisfying from beginning to end. You did a great job of painting an image, using the senses to your advantage in strengthening the tone of the poem, and conveying an emotion of melancholy and almost sad yet hopeful!
→ I have no critiques!
As always, keep writing and never give up on the things you feel passionate about.
- Lullaby *ੈ✩‧₊˚
Points: 339
Reviews: 21
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