Guilt

Alas, 'tis I, gokubrother.

This is a bit of an old work, but I happened to stumble upon it whilst perusing the dark logs of successfully reviewed works in the dead of night because sleep is for the weak.

In any case, I enjoyed it so much it stopped me dead in my tracks and utterly implored me to write a review.

I loved it. Absolutely loved it. The poem flows so well, and its musicality reminds me of a catchy tune that you hear on the radio and absolutely MUST listen to it repeatedly.

However, the theme is a little more serious. The best way I can describe it is that it reminds of Of Mice and Men because I don’t see George as being a pious man, but he may possibly attempt to be one in the future in order to futilely seek forgiveness for what he did. That, or spiral into an endless cycle of abuse and self-harm by way of excessive alcohol and $2.50 prostitutes (in other words, the bad kind), respectively Either way, all jokes aside, George is going to have to live with that guilt no matter what path he chooses in life until he meets his death.

I like how you described Christianity as a copout. As a way for people to find false meaning and false security in an organization they'll never truly be faithful to. Or if they were, they're frowned upon by all else.

A little thing you could've fixed was your capitalization of letters of the beginning of each verse (they still follow the grammatical rule of sentences, y'know?), but that's my only nitpick.

In short, I loved your poem. Thank you very much for sharing it with the world and keep writing.

-Goku

Hey Phoenixrain!

I'm Audy, it's good to meet you. I'm just going to dive right in, because that first line really drives you forward into it with a running start, doesn't it?

I think this poem is definitely lyrical and I love the imagery and how you have quite pleasant sounds juxtaposed between really dark and graphic imagery -- that is definitely haunting and I think you made it more interesting and engaging that way.

Most of the time when poets decide to use repetition I am strongly against it -- I think repetitions get tired really fast -- but the fact that this goes back and forth from dark to pleasant sort of aids and makes use of those repetitive stanzas -- and it really has this sing-song quality to it.

The gravity of lying tongues
Crushing hopes and choking lungs.

This is a very gripping read. I don't come across many poems that are this graphic (in a good way). Often, when poets go for this, it tends to lead to overkill and overpowers the message altogether. But here, you manage to keep it balanced.

I also found it eerie that the first two lines of each stanza are reminiscent of the song "Anyone Else But You."

Some wonderful word choices here, too; almost tactile.

That last stanza there rings true.

Well done.

Hey Phoenix!
I looove this!
This is probably the first anti-christian poem I have read and it's awesome!
It's great how you make this negative atmosphere and you clearly aren't afraid to say exactly what you think. It's nice how with every stanza you you repeat the first line. But unlike in the second and last stanza where you explain further ''broken people'' and lonely people'', in the first stanza you don't push further the ''bloody people''. Why are they bloody? Because so much blood was spilled, so many people died? That is my biggest reason to hate Christianity.

This is really good!
I love it, the imagery is great and just everything about it.
I would try to review it but I can't find anything to criticise so good job!