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16+ Mature Content


by PhoenixEmberly

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

I could feel her teeth on my neck, biting down, nibbling ever so softly. As she did so, I looked skyward, gazing upon the innumerable stars which brilliantly illuminated the dark canvas above. The blood pumped  through my veins with haste, stimulating a rush of adrenaline that coursed through my body. Her angelic white gown and pale face gave her a ghastly appearance. But the connection I felt with the girl was the first of its kind; a feeling I had been deprived of for what seemed like an eternity for me. Ever since I had been stranded on this island with nothing but the clothes on my back, I have had to live off the land without another soul to accompany me. She crawled on top of me, staring into my eyes with hers. They too gleamed, just as the stars did, and the light reflecting from her bright blue pupils was the most mesmerizing sight I had ever had the immense pleasure of witnessing. She pressed her teeth against my neck slightly harder, and then unexpectedly pulled away. She brushed her luscious brown hair back and smiled.

"Oh you poor soul, stranded on this inescapable island with naught a friend to appreciate you. How does it feel now, to have one such as I to adore your magnificence? How does it feel to know the marks of love which I hath brought upon you tonight, and for many moons further?"

I looked up at her. From my viewpoint, she was the most dashing and beautiful lady I had ever seen. Perhaps her features were exaggerated within my mind, for it had been quite some time since I had laid my eyes upon a woman. Her inquiry brought back memories of when I first met her, waking up not long before that very moment to the sound of faint whispering, and there she was. As soon as I saw her I fell into a trance, unable to truly act on my own accord. And yet, I was most pleased. How could I complain about my current situation? I hadn't felt such love and compassion for the longest time.

"It feels magnificent, my lady. I thought for sure that once I was stranded here, I would never see another human being again. And yet, here I am now, before you. And now that you're here, I am content."

She seemed delighted to hear this, for her eyes widened and a strange purring sound emitted from her throat. She placed the palm of her hand against my chest and closed her eyes, seemingly sensing my heartbeat. I could feel my body transcending any feeling I had ever felt before. A warm sensation surrounded my entire being, and I couldn't help but close my eyes once more. I felt her lips against my shoulder, firmly yet softly pressing against my skin. Where did she come from? How did she get here? Who was she? What did I care? She gave me what I wanted, and in my eyes, she could do no wrong. Again she spoke, her voice soft and mellow. I could feel my body drift into a sensation of pleasure and comfort. The closest I could go as far as describing it would be to imagine being completely surrounded by dozens of cotton sheets and blankets, each one more welcoming and cozy than the last.

"Tell me, of all things in this universe, what is it that you desire most?"

I tried thinking. I tried to remember what I truly wanted. Did I want to go home? Did I want to escape this island and find my way back to my friends and family? I swear that I couldn't remember for the life of me.

"You... I desire you. I want you. I need you, more than anything in the world," I said. I didn't believe my words. I couldn't believe that which I spoke then, for they weren't my thoughts. But my actions betrayed my mind. How could it be? I struggled to correct myself, but the warmth and comfort surrounding me restrained me from doing so. This felt wrong, and something within me knew it. The real me knew it, but the woman's beauty, and her oh so tantalizing words hypnotized me, and I no longer represented myself. My control was slipping away.

"Then you shall receive what you desire, man," replied the woman. I could hear the slight shift in the tone of her voice. That sweet, soft melody prior to this moment sounded different. Rather, now I could hear a giddy excitement to her voice. My response had been exactly what she had hoped for, and probably what she had expected.

She clutched my hair and pulled my head upwards towards her. I tried so desperately to pull away, but it was to no avail. I could only nudge myself a few inches back, but no more. She placed a finger on my lips and tilted my head up with her hand, looking deep into my eyes. Her silky white skin appeared clearer and fairer than before, and her previously dull red lips now appeared to have become more colorful and plump. I saw her open her mouth again, revealing a row of pristine teeth. She leaned in and placed them on my neck as she had before, sucking on my raw hide. It felt amazing, even better than it did prior. But then she bit a little harder. And she continued to apply force until I could feel the skin break.

I didn't wince in pain. I didn't even react. I just stayed there, perfectly still on the ground. She pulled away  and looked at me, lips curled in a sick, perverted grin.

"So, did you like it? Do you still desire me? Do you want more of my love," she exclaimed.

"Yes, don't stop. Never stop. I desire your love more than all which exists," I responded. I couldn't believe it. My voice was completely devoid of emotion, and lies spilled out of my mouth. I didn't want this. Again, I tried my hardest to pull away, but as soon as she glared into my eyes I stopped. The sickest, most malice charged laugh erupted from within her as she went back down to my neck.

I felt her dig into my neck, applying even more pressure. I could sense the blood trickling down into her mouth. I could hear her lapping it up and returning to my neck once again, biting harder and harder. Each time she would bury her teeth into my neck, she would come back up and smile at me, asking that same question once more.

"Do you desire me more?

And each time, I would answer with the same lie, using the same monotonous voice. Hearing the words which came from me, I couldn't even recognize myself. The person who I once was had been replaced.

"Yes, I desire more, give me all of your affection."

Perhaps, she truly did control my actions, or perhaps her seduction really did pull the inner beast within me, causing me to lose all sense of humanity and replacing it with animalistic instinct. But each time I was forced to look into those awful, yet beautiful eyes, I could only allow her entry into me once more. I saw her starting to rip chunks of flesh out of my throat, trying to reach inside fully. The blood splattered her skin and stained her dress, but oh God, how she changed. Her skin grew grayer with each droplet of my blood she consumed, and the light in her now sunken eyes dimmed as well. And each time she asked me that damn question, I could only respond in the voice and tone which I had quickly grown to despise. Even as the gore clogged my throat and began to drown out my voice, my body persisted and insisted gurgling those words.




"Please, I desire you."

And I only stopped hearing my voice once the blood fully flushed out my ability to speak. Her skin had darkened even further, and her dress grew filthy. Her eyes were no longer full of life. Still, her lips were red, stained with the blood she drained from my willing body, yet unwilling conscious. Through it all, I felt the pleasure and pain intertwine, yet I knew it was wrong. Even still, I could do nothing to stop my fate, for it was never my decision to begin with. And as my eyes fluttered and closed, the final sight I saw was the woman, who now appeared to be more of a ghoul-like creature than a human. Still, she wore that same grin as she finished tearing my throat apart and feasting on my body. And then all faded to black.

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22 Reviews

Points: 230
Reviews: 22

Sat Mar 28, 2020 2:15 am
LewisPencastle2 wrote a review...

I enjoyed reading this, it was quite interesting and engaging, a good quality in all stories, especially horror. I think one of the ways you've done that is slowly but evidently foreshadow the end through the way she acts and the way he feels, a pretty simple and easy thing to do but something you've done well nonetheless. A few small things I'd say though is at one point you use the word "Naught" which doesn't really makes sense where you use it and "not" would make more sense and not trip up a reader. Secondly, to describe the woman you use both the terms girl and lady, both of which have different meanings mostly regarding to age. Just to give a clearer description of her, I'd use one or the other. Lastly, the ending wasn't as strong as the rest of the story, and in my opinion is a bit out of place. It felt very rushed and a bit too succinct when compared to the sentences that come before it, something that editing in revision could give you a much more satisfying and powerful ending. Otherwise there's just little things you should go over, like at one point in the dialogue you forgot a quotation mark. Besides that thanks for writing this, I do enjoy your works.

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44 Reviews

Points: 115
Reviews: 44

Fri Mar 27, 2020 11:49 pm
HGsomeone wrote a review...

A hoy hoy,

This was quite excellent and I have never really been that excited by the horror genre, but the way you write made me want to check it out, so without further ado, here are some general comments;

1. The section of the story in which the character describes how they met her is a bit unclear and confused me a bit too how they met on the island. I understand that your trying to obscure her origins which would lead the main character to question where she actually comes from, but the description was a tad to sparse for me to fully understand how they first met.

2. The ending was great (though gory) and it was all going well to the very last line.

“And then all faded to black.”

For a piece of writing that was going to well, this seemed a bit... cliche. It’s obvious you know how to handle your figurative language and I’d recommend using this skill to find a better ending line than this. Spice it up a little. The ending line will leave a large impact on the readers response to the story and therefore it’s good to end on something strong and iconic.

And those are my sole criticisms, everything was fantastic and this work is definitely a display of your descriptive language at its best (from what I’ve read of yours so far).
I’ll have to keep an eye out for anything else you write.

- H.G

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100 Reviews

Points: 7980
Reviews: 100

Fri Mar 27, 2020 9:30 pm
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Necromancer14 wrote a review...

Interesting! I love reading some good horror now and then. And this was definitely some good horror! I absolutely enjoyed reading it.

Here's my review:

This story reminded me a lot of a Siren. In fact, the only difference is her looks, not her voice, and the fact that he met her accidentally (and unfortunately). It was really quite descriptive, which, in my opinion, is extra important when you are writing horror stories. However, if I was writing it, I would make the ghoul/vampire person become even more lush and beautiful at the end, so that she is even more alluring and attractive for the next person that comes along. The turning into a ghoul thing would be nice in a horror movie, but it's not very scary in a book.

staring into my eyes with hers. They too gleamed, just as the stars did,

I don't think you need the word "too." It reads confusingly in this context.

by dozens of cotton sheets and blankets, each one more welcoming and cozy than the last.

I liked this simile. It was a nice, descriptive addition.

"You... I desire you. I want you. I need you, more than anything in the world," I said. I didn't believe my words. I couldn't believe that which I spoke then, for they weren't my thoughts.

I feel like this is too weird of a transition. Just a moment ago he said he was thinking that he wanted her. I would do something more like saying that in the back of his mind he was getting an uneasy feeling or something like that, or, even better, for a moment he sees her as she truly is, but it's too late. He's already under her spell.

"So, did you like it? Do you still desire me? Do you want more of my love," she exclaimed.

I feel like the comma at the end of "love" should be a question mark. It's a question, after all.

"Please, I desire you."

This was really nice. Very horrifying.

Well, that's my review! I hope it was helpful.

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29 Reviews

Points: 415
Reviews: 29

Thu Mar 26, 2020 2:48 pm
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Lia5Giba wrote a review...

Hello! Let me just say, this is definitely an interesting story. It's kind of gruesome, but if you don't mind gore it's definitely something. Something good. I felt myself wrapped up in it. The man, that poor man... being eaten alive. It's brutal. But I think you captured how he would feel quite well. He realizes she has a hold on him, and it's like he's in a daze. I think that by the end, he realizes that as soon as he stepped foot on the island he was doomed. And so he surrenders. It's not something really...sad, because it's covered up by the woman's bloodlust (which you wrote expertly, by the way). But I don't think it's meant to feel sad. He is still dazed, after all. He's not going to feel his emotions so vividly. And therefore we as readers don't, either.

This is an interesting story. I've only really seen narratives of people being slowly eaten alive twice, so this is new. When I clicked on this story, I wasn't really sure what to expect. Now that I've read it, I'm glad I did. It's certainly interesting. You frame this almost like I would think a steamy vampire thing would go down, but much better and much more dangerously. I can't help but wonder how many people this woman (if you could even call her that) has consumed in this manner. How many grains of sand are stained with blood on the beach.

Sometimes your sentences feel like tangled thread, stretched so long and so loopy that the words twist together into knots. For example, when the woman speaks for the first time... not many people speak like that. I get the feeling this is supposed to be more of a traditional writing, which means that the speech is not always going to be practical, but maybe just simplify the string a bit. However, that is completely up to you. In my opinion, the story is still effective without such adjustions.

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21 Reviews

Points: 243
Reviews: 21

Wed Mar 25, 2020 12:01 pm
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Tanishka wrote a review...

Hi, Their here for a review.

First thing-THIS IS AMAZING. I have never read a similar piece. Personally, I am horrible at writing stories, like totally horrible. I wish to write like this someday. This is so mysterious, the total feel is amazing.

One thing , I thing you could change is the layout ( might be the computers fault ). You could work on the punctuation a bit.

You are truly an amazing writer, I wish I could write like you.

Keep writing !!

I'll definitely keep an eye out for punctuation in this story and in future works, thanks for pointing that out to me. I'm very glad you enjoyed this and I certainly will keep riding!

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Points: 161
Reviews: 3

Wed Mar 25, 2020 10:47 am
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CaptainCannon says...

Positively horrific! Had my blood run cold with dread and yet I read on with an overwhelming desire...
A great,horrific tale..I want more!!
Seriously, you are a great writer.

I am very glad to hear you enjoyed it! Trust me, there is plenty more on the way.

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn