ALL TO HERSELF
A girl is born into the world
Born, not aware at all of life coming challenges
A girl is born, thinking that life could be pleasant
Could be all sweet and glamorous
A girl is born, to the world where striving is eminent
But thinks that everything could be hers and taken
But no as she grows, becomes fully aware that that’s not it at all
She becomes aware that she was born “all to herself”
She realizes that the thoughts she always had were nothing all true
She sees others like her having glamorous friendships, should we call it “girl friendships”?
All to herself, where she could arise without having much friends around her
She arises to know that the world wasn’t made a silver nor gold
Some moments she feels inferior to herself, to the world
Why? because she is always that girl who is on her own
She could look crazy and irrelevant amidst people
But she holds God’s word fast to herself
Where she affirms herself that
She shall stand before kings and not mean men
She “all to herself “would become recognized
How it happens she doesn’t know at all
She holds strong her faith and makes it a realization
Why because all to herself, she begins to envision the glory in her
All to herself she sees a greater, stronger and higher person
All to herself she becomes the best woman she wants to be
All to herself, she prepares herself in aspects of her life
So her prince charming finds her well prepared and finds no faults
He finds her and adores her, seeing her as the best the world could offer
This he never knows was her accomplishment “all to herself”
At the end of it all, on her death bed she smiles
Telling the story to her generations, her accomplishments “all to herself”
She smiles realizing the victories won, the battles conquered and the success made
This made her a legend known to be “all to herself”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hullo!
I loved the purpose and point in this: Encouragement is often scarce in post-modern poetry and prose. There's a gentle flow from isolation to interior awareness to acceptance and hopeful joy in this. Cheers for that in particular!
It's such a gentle and valuable message, I'd love to see it fine-tuned though. There's rather "a lot" in it. And one of the strengths of poetry is that it is condensed expression. What prose rolls over at length, explaining or analysing, poetry can simply sing.
I think you have the knack and ear for the sound of language. What if you took what you have here, and sorted out what's
On the final bullet point, I caught myself appreciating where you echo your theme by using callbacks -- words or phrases that solidify or reframe the "all to herself" idea.
Interior, 'all to herself', born, on her own.
You move through three phases: Could you focus in on her a) just starting awareness ('born') b) growth/self-awareness (on her own) and c) known (know to the world, as a legend?)
It's quite a neat tri-part movement, and reflects well the movement of the human psyche through childhood, adolescence, and into wholeness. But at the moment, it's seems to slip rather slapdash and half-aware through those points. Make it pointed, precise.
There are also some areas where I thought, oy, this alludes neatly to literature and scripture. If it were woven in using words that made the connection clear (if not obnoxiously explicit), it'd deepen the clincher at the end.
Example:
That's all thought from a developmental or core perspective. I think if you polish that, you can move on into the structural and technical side. Which I briefly brushed above!
I very much liked the gentle motion from beginning to end; you have an ear for repetition in a good way with the echo of 'all to herself' and I'd love to see the a) themes deepened and fleshed out and then the b) technical aspects tightened and made firm to fit the material (which is lovely).
Best!
Toodles,
IMP
Thanks so much for your thoughts as well as necessary corrections needed to be reflected on this poem, it's greatly appreciated.
I truly loved the message of this poem. The story starts off sweet and naïve, but then it stumbles into the conflict that is life. The question “why?” was asked a couple times in the middle of the story and I believe that it is well placed. The first “why” questions the power this girl has, while the second “why” was an answer that completed her.
The part where I got invested was the princes charming. The story builds up a strong woman who is “all to herself” and independent, but the prince charming finds her with “no faults.” It shows the glorification when looking from the outsider perspective. Because everyone has faults and it doesn’t shows her struggle to become this woman.
Thank you for writing this.
I would like to take a moment to sincerely thank you for your thoughtful comments on my work. Your insights are truly invaluable to me, and I am grateful for the time you took to engage with it.