Soulless [Chapter 1, review please]

Hi Perviguana! In honour of RevMo 2020 let me revisit this for a quick review!

The concept of a soul.

Could I see it if I tore open your chest?

Could I hold it within my palm it a
nd clutch it between my fingers?

No, the idea itself is absurd and ludicrous.

An empty, unperceivable illusion.

Interesting start. Is it a quote, or thoughts from your character? Either way, it's a good way to start and draws the reader in. I might consider formatting it differently, perhaps centring it to draw more attention to it?

The vermillion sunset reflects upon my tenebrous eyes as the gentle breeze whispers among my frayed black hair. It’ll be a full moon tonight, I can sense it.

Beautiful! Really love this imagery.

I rise up, and proceed to stride down the gently sloping hill with my eyes fixed on the dim light that vividly intensifies

along each step. I adjust my fingers between the black, knotted cord wraps and unsheathe my blade. The city is straight ahead. I gaze at the heavens; the moon has finally revealed itself.

Think this should just be one paragraph.

Humans always create themselves reasons to exist. These men have none, therefore ceasing to exist constitutes as a

favor for everyone else. It’s their sole reason to be in the first place.

Same again, should be one paragraph.

I twist and twirl, slicing between the startled men; it’s a beautiful sight, my form of art. The last thug lunges out, only to lacerate emptiness. I'm already behind him. I sharply twist his arm behind his back, dislocating his wrist out of proportion. My boot smashes on his knee joint, forcing him to kneel down before me. He is immobilized. He knows that I’m his God now; I’ll decree the final judgment.

Really love this part!

Your writing style here is really great, you've got some really great imagery and good pacing. Thanks for an enjoyable read

Icy

Hi! I came on here looking for something to review, and then I remembered the picture I reviewed of yours a while back. So I decided to take a look at your novel!
I hope some of this helps you

I rest my back against the lush hay with my knees comfortably bent. The vermillion sunset reflects upon my tenebrous eyes as the gentle breeze whispers among my frayed black hair. It’ll be a full moon tonight, I can sense it.
The hill offers me a splendid viewpoint in all directions. Below me the meadows dance in the symphony of the wind, drifting within the unseen currents.

Beautiful imagery!

I rise up, and proceed to stride down the gently sloping hill with my eyes fixed on the dim light that vividly intensifies
along each step. I adjust my fingers between the black, knotted cord wraps and unsheathe my blade. The city is straight ahead. I gaze at the heavens; the moon has finally revealed itself.

I was a bit confused when you said 'the dim light intensifies', thinking you meant it was becoming morning. If light intensifies, doesn't it mean it becomes stronger, not less?

The nuclear war in 2037 had left a scar on the earth. With a handful of cities functioning, the outskirts were isolated and abandoned. The towering skyscrapers (were)in ruins and without a government or military left to oversee the chaotic situation, every man fends for himself. It’s the only golden rule of urban civilization, a rule to acknowledge and accept. This is modern Japan, the forsaken and accursed Island.

Great job on giving a full and detailed setting

My reputation has a tendency of sending people scattering in terror on the first sight of my shadow.

Great line

I pretend not to notice, and hiding my smirk.

re-read this

A pack of men step out of the embracing shadows, circling around their prey. Armed with chains, pipes and stained knives. Bloodlust has driven them mad; they tremble from various drugs and adrenaline.

It feels like the first two sentences should be combined.
A pack of men step out of the embracing shadows, armed with chains, pipes, and stained knives, and begin circling their prey.
I would also like to know what their prey was. Human? Animal?

Humans always create themselves reasons to exist. These men have none, therefore ceasing to exist constitutes as a
favor for everyone else. It’s their sole reason to be in the first place.

I like your narrator's voice. His tone is depressing and cynical, but it's not overdone.

Overall, I liked this. Your narrator's voice shines through, and he has a very intriguing outlook on life that makes me want to read more about him and find out why he thinks this way.
One thing I think you need to be careful on is your imagery. The first paragraph was beautiful, in a poetic way. However, towards the end it felt like you were describing the violent parts only, and leaving all other description out. I don't have a problem with this story being dark, but you should try to make it feel a bit more balanced. I know this is only the first chapter, so I'm probably judging this too quickly. I guess what I'm saying is to try to find ways to make this enjoyable to the reader, while still getting the point across that this story is set in a cruel, horrible, violent world.

Keep up the awesome work, you're very talented If this helped you, or if you have any questions, let me know!
~blacksheep

Perviguana wrote: The concept of a soul.
Could I see it if I tore open your chest?
Could I hold it within my palm it and clutch it between my fingers?
No, the idea itself is absurd and ludicrous.
An empty, unperceivable illusion.

***

I rest my back against the lush hay with my knees comfortably bent. The vermillion sunset reflects upon my tenebrous, seemingly soulless Get rid of the "seemingly soulless. One, it sounds strange after reading the piece above, two, there is another use of two or more adjectives right after this describing his hair, and three, since he himself cannot judge his own eyes, "seemingly" is confusing. eyes as the gentle breeze whispers amidst Not the right word. my frayed, frayed black (no comma) black hair. It’ll be a full moon tonight, I can sense it.
The hill offers me a splendid viewpoint towards In all directions, not towards. all directions. Below me the meadows dance in the symphony of the wind, drifting within the unseen currents.

I rise up, and proceed to stride down the gently sloping hill with my eyes fixed on the dim light that vividly intensifies
along each step. I adjust my fingers between the black, knotted cord wraps and unsheathe my blade This sentence is very confusing. Rework it.. The city is straight ahead. I gaze at the heavens; the moon has finally revealed itself.

The nuclear war in 2037 had left a scar on the earth. With a handful of cities functioning, the outskirts were isolated and abandoned. The towering skyscrapers in ruins and without a government or military left to oversee the chaotic situation, every man fends for himself. It’s the only golden rule of urban civilization, a rule to acknowledge and accept. This is modern Japan, the forsaken and accursed Island.

I pass by the main street; a stretched road with a couple of bars situated each side of the road. These are the safe zones, rest areas that exchange water, narcotics and supplies in exchange for pre-war items. The quality, quantity and estimated age determined the amount of goods handed over in exchange.

My reputation has a tendency of sending people scattering in terror on the first sight of my shadow. Inarguably, it also tends to be their last. I don’t approve lightly of the fools who blindly challenge me. It’s their funeral.
I take a sharp turn to the right; the alleys are hoarded with debris, some filled with the repulsive stench of decaying matter. It’s atrocious.
Numerous shadows traverse within the surrounding darkness, cast by the pale moon that silently grins, as if aware of the events yet to come.

A pack of men step out of the embracing shadows, circling around their prey. Armed with chains, pipes and stained knives. Bloodlust has driven them mad; they tremble from various drugs and adrenaline.

“Pitiful.” I think to myself. Six men in total, six men about to repent their sins in the judging eyes of their maker.
Humans always create themselves reasons to exist. These men have none, therefore ceasing to exist constitutes as a
favor What? This sentence does not make sense.. It’s their sole reason to be in the first place. I’ll be granting them the honor.

My black trench coat swirls as the men leap forward. I dodge effortlessly sideways as my forged tamahagane blade splits through the hooded man’s torso, splintering various ribs and organs. The clean cut separates the torso from its lower half. The man crashes against the ground, lifeless.

I lick my dyed blade in hunger, as I let out a grin. This is what I came here for.

I turn around to face bellowing amateurs. The crimson droplets travel from the groove all the way to the point of the blade, dripping off the edge. The men back down; the blood is reflected in their unstable minds.

I twist and twirl, slicing between the startled men; it’s a beautiful sight, my form of art. The last thug lunges out, only to get his arm painfully twisted behind his back. I kick his knee joint, causing him to kneel down. He is immobilized. He knows that I’m his God now; I’ll decree the final judgment.

The blade slides down his back, sizing him up. He knows what’s coming, desperately pleading for mercy.

“FORGIVE M-“. His words were cut short as the tip of the blade protruded through his throat. I hold him by his hair, marveling the sight, listening as he blood gushes through his trembling nostrils and mouth. His heartbeat is racing, and veins pump across his forehead. It’s a sight to remember.

He glances up in despair, with the moon shoning Shoning? Shining.brightly before his eyes, ridiculing him as he gasps for his final breath.
His body lies still, eyes widened and throat gaping open.

This is the golden law of the wasteland.

Don't get the wrong end of the stick with all this critique. I absolutely loved reading this. Your writing style is incredible, and I am certain that writing will hold a bright future for you. I will definitely keep my eyes peeled for more of your work!