Published August 10, 2007
Every Slash Counts
Scars of you
reduced to ribbons
Touch the pain
Put a bandaid where it hurts the most.
She tries to cry.
He takes the tears.
Touch the wrist.
Loves her more than himself, or so it seems.
Rain is red.
It's flooding blood
Thunderstorm
Lift your eyes up to the crimson.
One more gone
Nearly two.
Save the pills
For a neverending "next time".
Just a poem I wrote for a friend who's going through hard times. Really hard times.
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141,453 Literary Works • 674,467 Reviews
Okay. Thank you!
Emotional poems are always difficult.
This is navel gazing. Some of your sentences are fragments, or they aren't properly punctuated. You don't need all the spaces between each lines.
This article might help you out: Emotional Poetry.
My only suggestions is, if you really want to write a poem for your friend, rewrite this. There isn't much salvageable in the current draft. Rewrite it so the reader can experience. You just tell us things, but we really don't know what is happening, other than someone is cutting or maybe killing themselves.
Also, read more poetry.