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The Suicidal Encounter That Saved (Chpt 3)

by PerfectWeapon


I feel warm arms wrapped around my waist. I am in a bed that is a little bit to small for two people to be in at the same time. My head is hurting like I have hit in my head, and my arms are sore. I can’t remember anything from last night, except that kiss. I touch my lips and I remember falling off the swings after Ashley said that he loved me. I recalled my horrible childhood, I had a terrible time and I can't be loved by anyone. I tried to stand up but the arms pull me back. I’m now facing him, Ashley. His eyes look deeply into my eyes, and a frown appears. “Eva, I’m so sorry for yesterday. I know I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m really sorry.” Ashley eyes start to turn red, and glossy. “Ashley, you really don’t need to be sorry, it’s okay.” I say towards him. “I do need to get up though.” I smile at him. “Oh yeah, sorry”

I get up, I see that I’m in a house that is huge. I wander around for a few minutes before I find the bathroom. I open the door and a huge bathroom appears. On the counter is a pair of ripped skinny jeans, and an Asking Alexandria shirt. Then on the clothes is a note. This is what it reads- “ I used your phone to call a girl named Tamara, she was the last one you had called. I asked her to bring you some clothes. There are pants, and on the bottom are your ‘unspeakable’ I don’t know why they are called that but whatever.” A smile appears on my face as I read the line again. “You can take a shower and use about anything in that bathroom. Just please don't use all my hairspray, flat iron will be on the counter. :) -Ashley”

I shower, and flatten my hair. I use a comb sitting on the shelf and tease it. I wander around the house a bit, until I find a set of stairs. At the foot of the stairs there are a few pairs of shoes. Once again a note on top. “I thought you would like some new shoes. There are some Converse and Vans. I hope they fit :) -Ashley ” I put on the black Converse and look around the bottom of the huge house. I find the kitchen and a half naked Andy is drinking milk in the kitchen. “Um, Andy?” I laugh. “Huh? ARGH!” He screams, “What are you doing?” he starts to laugh. He walks around and I see he at least had pants on. He hugs me against his bare chest, and he smiles while looking at me. “You look great Eva! Are those the clothes the girl Tamara dropped off?” He asked with a small smile. “Yeah, they are nice aren’t they?” I laugh and hug him back. “Yeah, but where is a Black Veil Brides shirt?” He asks smiling. “I don't know, ask Tamara.” I reply with a small chuckle. “Maybe I will!” He laughs

“I’m gonna go get dressed now, so I’ll talk to you later.” Andy smiles and walks up the stairs. “EVA!” I hear my being called from I guess the bathroom. I start to walk up the stairs and Ashley jumps out and grabs my arms, pulling me into another hug. “Jeez! You guys hug way to much!” I laugh and try to pry myself from the hug. “I don’t know, do you like it?” He smiles and kisses my head like Andy just did only few moments ago.

“We are going out today, you wanna come with us?” Ashley smiles with a mischievous look on his face. “Sure, what time are we leaving?” I ask. “Uh, probably about 12:00.” “Oh, what time is it now?” I ask looking for a clock. “It’s about 11:30.” He smiles coming up behind me. “Okay, thank you.” I reply.

Ashley! Come up here!” I hear Andy yell from up stairs. “I’ve got to go, Andy probably can’t find something again.” He chuckles and starts up the stairs. I’m left to wander around the house again. I find the living room, and a hungover CC is asleep on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel laying on the ground next to him. I look around for some pain medication, because I knew his head will hurt horribly today. I find the Advil and walk out to where he was. He was now awake, and he looks horrible. “ Do you wasn't some Advil CC?” I ask quietly knowing his head will be hurting. “Huh? Yeah sure.” He smiles which surprises me considering the fact that his head must be splitting. He outstretches his arm and opens his hand. I place the Advil in his hand but he tosses them and says, “Give me your hand.” I’m unsure about it considering the fact that two other guys were already flirting with me. I nervously place my small hand in his and he pulls me next to him. “Doesn’t your head hurt?” I whisper. “It does a little, but I’m use to this feeling.” He says pointing to his head. I curl up next to him and I hear his breath start to steady out, signaling he is asleep. I ease out from his grip and walk up to the bathroom. I fix my hair looking at my phone. It’s already 11:55. “Eva are you ready?” “ALMOST! GIVE ME 5 MORE MINUTES!” I scream down the stairs. I change into a corset dress that is black with red stripes, under neath it had shorts so that I didn’t show anything off. I throw on a pair of the shoes that Ashley got me that were knee high Converse. I hear Ashley shout from downstairs, “I’M GONNA LEAVE WITHOUT YOU!”

I run down the stairs jumping the last three. “COME ON EVA!” I hear Ashley shout very loudly in a playful manor. He smiles and he walks towards his brand new shiny black Harley Davidson with new flames on one side. On the other side it had the Black Veil Brides symbol that was mixed with batwings. Andy’s suggestion for the bike of course.

*Later*

“What are we going to do?” I question Ashley as we pull into a parking space. “You’ll see.” He smiles and helps me off the bike. He intertwines our fingers, and walk towards the entrance to a building. This place was called CoffinRace. I didn’t exactly know what it was, all I knew was it was crazy expensive and you get to eat, play in an arcade, and drive these crazy fast karts that are insanely dangerous. If you hit one of turns wrong, I’m pretty sure your kart would fly and you could..well die.

We walk in the building and immediately you see a bright orange-red-headed guy standing next to my friend Tamara. His arm is draped over her and she does not seem to mind. “Tamara! What are you doing here! I thought you were moving?” I almost scream in excitement. “Ed here is letting me stay with him for a few weeks until my parents can get ahold of their best friend.” She explains. “So you don’t have to move?” I almost jump on the last words. “No, my parents thought I shouldn't leave my friends behind. I told them I had a friend to stay with until they could make plans.” She gestures over to the guy who was not any older than Andy, but has insanely bright reddish-orange-hair.

“I’m Ed as Tam (her nickname) just said. He stretches out his hand to shake my hand. I take it in mine and he smiles a really weird toothy grin. I start to laugh and so does everyone else. “ah! So your the one she is obsessing over?” I say knowing it will most definitely embarrass her. Her face turns red and she smiles slightly at this. Afterwards Ashley wraps his arm around me and we walk up to a counter where a lady is standing. She has on a low cut dress that shows off a lot of her chest. I see Ashley look at her in disgust and I laugh to myself. Ed steps forward and he says he needs for all access passes for arcade, dining, and driving. He hands the lady a red card with a skull on the front and a coffin next to it. She smiles and says it’s $99.00! I’m sure my eyes almost popped out of my head. It was really expensive, more so than I thought. He hands her the cash and walks forward towards a booth. We sit down and a man comes over who is really skinny with gross greasy hair and really bad breath and says, “Hello I am Jack, I will be your waiter for today. Would you like the buffet or the meal menu?” He puts emphasis on the h pushes his breath out. “Um, I think we want the buffet. Thank you.” I hear Ashley say. I look over and he is holding his breath.

“Dude! Why aren’t you eating anything?” I hear Ashley look at me. His face is clearly surprised. “Uh, I don’t really want anything.” I say messing with my rings. He looks at me and he asks if I can talk to him alone. We stand up and walk towards the back. We places his hands on my shoulders and he moves them so they are now on my hips. “Eva, listen you can’t just now eat, you are perfectly fine!” He smiles at me and pulls me into a hug. “Listen Ashley, I’m happy you don’t think that I’m fat,” I pause and point to my stomach, “Have you seen this belly?” He lets out a short laugh, “Eva! You are not fat! You are curvy, besides what kind of man doesn't want to be able to grab his women?” He lets out another laugh and wraps his arms back around my waist and pulls me close to him.

We walk back to where Tam was and sit down with a small plate of food. “Hey! That’s my girl! Look! She Eats! Muhahaha!” I hear Tam laugh like a witch. After we eat Tam and I race towards Pac-Man. She beats me and she and set up a bet that I will win, she thinks she will win. Ha! I am the master. “Hold on! Lets put some money on this I laugh. I pull out a twenty and she also lays out twenty. By my third round, a small group had gathered and I was on my last chance. Someone in the crowd shouts out “Come one! You can do this.” This distracts me for the slightest second and the little ghost tailing me gets me. “Dang it!” I screech with a laugh. I look over at Tamara and she is putting my twenty in her pocket. After an three hours of us four playing in the arcade, we go out to the track for racing. Immediately we run to a cart and we wait for others to get ready. We race around the track nearly getting hurt way to many times.

After we have been there for several hours, it’s almost 9:00 and we haven’t had dinner. We leave and go back to Ash’s place also known as the rest of Black Veil Brides’ place. We order 3 huge pizzas and I introduce Tam and Ed to the other members of Black Veil Brides. We wait for the pizzas while arguing over who can scream louder. After 20 minutes of screaming and two visits from the neighbors, our pizza finally arrives. We all get pizza and we sit down and watch a movie called The Purge. Tam and I are literally covering our eyes every ten seconds, only so the guys will hold us. After the movie Tam decides to crash on the love-seat, Ed sleeps on the couch. Ash walks with me up to the bed and almost kisses me again! He was about to kiss me when Andy came in.

“What the heck are you guys doing?” I hear Andy almost yell. “What do you mean?” I ask him taking a step forward. “You guys were about to freaking kiss! I kissed you Eva! You can’t just go around kissing other guys!” He starts to reach for my hand. “Eva, I know we aren’t together but you are different. You aren’t like any fan I’ve met.” At the last bit Tam and Ed walk in saying they will be going. “No, Tam you can stay. Please!” I look at her with the stupidest face I could and she just laughs and walks down the stairs. about 35 seconds later you here Tam shout, “GOODNIGHT HOUSE!”

I look over at Andy and his eyes are looking everywhere but at me. “Andy, please just listen,” I step closer to him and I hug him. “I like you both, but I can’t make up my mind about you two. That doesn’t mean it will never happen, but it may take a while.” I look at him and a small smile forms across his lips. Ash walks down the stairs so he can go tell Tam and Ed that they can sleep in one of the extra rooms. “I can’t just destroy your friendship with Ash, please understand.” When I say that his eyes look sorrowful like he is crushed.

I lean close to his chest, I hear the song Done For You start to play. I turn around and Tam had left her iPod playing the song. I start to feel butterflies in my stomach and I feel his arms pull me closer to him. When he does this, he eliminates all the space between us as he has done so many times before. He starts to sing the song and I hum along. He smiles at me and tilts my chin up so I’m looking at him. He smiles and just dances to the rhythm with me.

Ok So I don't really like this chapter. Let me know what you think. HAI TAM IF YOU ARE READING THIS, EXPECT TO BE IN HERE OFTEN! OH AND HAI ED!


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Thu Apr 30, 2015 5:50 am
kevin25a wrote a review...



Okay so this chapter was really good, and very eventful. It started out normally, went into a date and time with friends, then home for a movie, then drama. Very eventful, which is a really good aspect to have in any story. I think that it's unfair for two people to try and hook up with her at one time since it's just going to mix up her emotions and thoughts and confuse her. I still believe that it's too soon, and that one trying too hook up with her is bad enough two just messes things up worse. Although Andy's argument also was extremely hypocritical. He got mad because Eva was about to kiss Ashley, but also mentioned how they aren't dating. Andy acted way too soon, and shouldn't have kissed her anyway. And as he said they aren't dating, since she is single she has a right to kiss or not kiss anyone she wants anytime she wants, he has no right to be mad. Despite how I don't believe either or them should be kissing her, Ashley is at least more subtle and not as impulsive.

I noticed only one mistake which was here.

"Eva, listen you can’t just now eat, you are perfectly fine!” He smiles at me and pulls me into a hug.

Now should be not "Eva listen you can't just 'not' eat, you are perfectly fine!"




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Wed Apr 29, 2015 10:19 pm
cleverclogs wrote a review...



Hello there! cleverclogs here to review!

Ok So I don't really like this chapter.


I'll just be up front with you and say that I didn't like it either. Here are some reasons why, and some suggestions:

1) Poor grammar
This was very poorly edited. There were lots of grammatical errors that were just plain sloppy. Believe me, I know how it feels to want to get your work up here as soon as you're done writing it, but it's worth the extra time to proofread thoroughly. It reads so much better and makes you look better, too! If you're having trouble with this, then there are endless resources all over the internet you can use to help improve. Please, fix these.

2) Rushed plot (and relationships)
I'll be the first to admit that I only sort of skimmed the first two chapters (and more importantly, its reviews), but the plot is very rushed. It's only chapter three and there's been a love confession already? Don't you need to give your characters' relationships more time to develop? While love-at-first-sight may or may not happen in real life (I read a scientific explanation for it once), it's a very overused trope that takes the easy way out of relationships. I recommend letting us see their relationship blossom over time. It's much more rewarding that way.

3) Big ol' chunks of text
These are very unappealing to the eye and can intimidate some readers. You could easily break them up by starting a new paragraph every time there's a new speaker. Different people talking within the same paragraph can be confusing and make your work come off as muddled.

4) Real Person Fic
Okay, this isn't strictly a problem with your story, it's just my personal taste. I said I'd give you reasons I dislike this, so here it is. Real person fics are weird to me. Not much you can do about this one, I just thought I'd make sure you know that's a factor, too.

That about covers the things I didn't like. This wouldn't really be a good review if I spent the whole thing pointing out the not-so-good, so now I'll point out some aspects that I liked.

1) Descriptions
These were very good, for the most part. For example,

I feel warm arms wrapped around my waist. I am in a bed that is a little bit to small for two people to be in at the same time. My head is hurting like I have hit in my head, and my arms are sore. I can’t remember anything from last night, except that kiss.


These first few sentences are great. They say so much without flat-out telling us. You seem to have a good handle on the age-old rule of "show, don't tell." Good job on those descriptions!

Yeah, that was about it. Please remember that it's nothing personal, and I'm sorry for being so harsh. I wouldn't be helpful if I just told you I loved it, though, so here I am. :)

Overall... well, I think you're able to tell my overall opinion on this. I think that if you fixed all the typos, broke up the paragraphs, and developed the relationships more, then this would be quite a good story. It's just not there yet. Keep on writing! :)




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Wed Apr 29, 2015 10:00 pm
rainbowslol12 says...



OMG I LOVE THIS CHAPTER!!! Not because I am in it and dating my most favorite singer in the world!! And Okay I don't mind if I am in here a lot , oh and BTW can I kiss Ed, I am just giving suggesting thing for the next chapter.
-rainbowslol12 <3's Ed, peace





We know what we are, but know not what we may be.
— William Shakespeare