Hey Peregrine,
First off, great work. This piece was interesting and fast paced so I didn't get bored at all. I like Katherine's character a lot. Although I am wondering how old she is. she seems like a younger girl but them some of the things she say's makes me wonder if she's older, like 19. But for not that doesn't matter. It is just the first chapter, you can tell more about the characters later. I did think that it was a little unrealistic how the wolf automatically agreed to meet the girl at the pit every night. It seems like he should be a little more hesitant to help the girl, after all she is supposed to me his nemesis right?
There were a few grammatical mistakes but nothing a quick read through couldn't fix.Now while being fast paced is also a good thing, there were a few parts of the story that seemed rushed, like you didn't give them enough time to really develop. Well other than that the piece was great and I can't wait to read more! Good luck and keep writing!

Awesome story! However, it does have a few grammar problems.
First of all, leant should be lean.
Segond, I noticed that you used the words, "I got".

“There's something else too. I got told we would be hunted. I got told that we would have to flee together and protect each other, as soon as we become prey.” she murmured.
Instead of, "I got" use, "I was" The second time you used, "I got" should be, "I was also"
That's all for now. Keep writing! I want to read the whole thing!

Hey there,

What a lovely start to a novel, if that is what you hope to write. For a first chapter, I found this caught my attention very quickly. The read was easy. In a good way! I say this because there are little edits to make, much less than I have to make whenever I post a work. The description went into just the right amount of detail, and not so much that it made a boring read but gave me a clear picture of what was occurring.

My first critique would be to make sure your paragraphs are a bit shorter. Most of your paragraphs are fine, but there are two that need to downsize or split up. I know Mark Twain loved to go into detail and drone on in on in paragraphs four pages long, but it makes a much more difficult for the reader to well, read.

In the first paragraph you can split it in half here:

"Growling, he moved to the undergrowth, waiting for the threat to pass.
After a short while,..."

In the second paragraph and the last one you could make shorter would be here:

" On the fourth day of being in the pit, the wolf was near death, his tongue dry and cracking like leather,"

Or another new paragraph here:

"Time passed quickly for the wolf. He knew that in a matter of days, he would be dead and that Man would collect him for a prize."

Either spot you choose would be an excellent place for a new paragraph.


One more edit I just found here:

“Every night, meet me here.” he hissed. “We shall share what we know, so we can flee at the correct time together. I shall howl to let you know I'm here.”

Should be this:

“Every night, meet me here,” he hissed, “we shall share what we know, so we can flee at the correct time together. I shall howl to let you know I'm here.”

I believe that is the correct grammar.

Overall, fantastic. I enjoyed the idea and it drew me in right away. Another thing was that it caught me off guard that Katherine suddenly tells Sirius that she can understand him. It took me by surprise because you hadn't put any dialog of Sirius until that point. Again, this was a very strong first chapter and I'll be looking to see more.

-Jadefox

Even though this is the very first chapter, I have to say, I already made a judgement that it is the most fascinating of the few wolf tales i read. It was gripping from the beginning. I love how you added a psychic female in who had came to his aid when he was being trapped in a pit. Now i didnt see any mistakes. I just felt this story deserved a great review and i cant wait to read more.