So first of all, something quite troubling is that you never describe the Nyx, and never demonstrate any feeling from it. Except maybe (Nyx’s wanting, tainted fingers) and I just do not see what is a Nyx. If it is something personal.. okay.. but at least try describing it so that we have some kind of picture. Even though the rhyming scheme is irregular at first, it becomes more and more regular as we approach the end, which is absolutely beautiful. I am quite sure I never saw anything like (though my heart is-/ glass blown) which is probably a good example of the strong imagery you give. The mystery of the Nyx is not such a problem actually, since it gives us more freedom of interpretation.
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