Join me,
Where the sky—
Crimson, lilac, gold—
Meets the sea—
Midnight blue,
Caressed by
Nyx’s wanting, tainted fingers—
And wait.
Wait with me
On the precipice of change.
Take my hand.
Do not mourn my defeat.
Think of me—
Though my heart is
Glass blown,
And my mind turned to
Stone.
Remember me.
Even when all of me
Disappears into Nyx’s sea of
Tears,
Drowning,
Just to feel something again.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
So first of all, something quite troubling is that you never describe the Nyx, and never demonstrate any feeling from it. Except maybe (Nyx’s wanting, tainted fingers) and I just do not see what is a Nyx. If it is something personal.. okay.. but at least try describing it so that we have some kind of picture. Even though the rhyming scheme is irregular at first, it becomes more and more regular as we approach the end, which is absolutely beautiful. I am quite sure I never saw anything like (though my heart is-/ glass blown) which is probably a good example of the strong imagery you give. The mystery of the Nyx is not such a problem actually, since it gives us more freedom of interpretation.
You know, to be honest, I initially didn't intend for it to rhyme at all. The rhymes you see were entirely by accident. But I probably should've explained who Nyx is%u2014and why I referenced her.
She's the goddess of the night in Greek mythology. I didn't describe her more, because an air of mystery was what I thought would be necessary, but perhaps I'll explain who she is in the description.
Thank you so much for reading and offering an input. It means a lot.
Thanks for explaining who Nyx is ^^
Thanks for explaining who Nyx is ^^
Wow - this is beautiful. Though I can't say I understand the meaning behind it, this piece is very touching and moving. I noticed you said in the intro something about 3 am blues. If you are meditating at 3 am - I am impressed. And concerned.
Thank you for reading. I'm glad it moved you so much%u2014I didn't think it would have that much power, to be honest.
I wrote this at around 3 AM when I was in a low emotional place. I'm better now, just to let you know%u2014no need for concern, though I thank you for it.
First things first, what is a NYX? Maybe you should use something that people can relate with, something familiar, like a cat or a dog. That's just my opinion. Other than that I enjoyed this quite a bit. I was captivated from beginning to end. Well done!
Nyx is the Greek goddess of the night. I mentioned her because I wrote this at a time where a lot of people (not everyone of course) might get emotional%u2014that being, late at night/very early in the morning (as in, before 5 in the morning). Thank you for reading.
Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room.
Okay let's start.
So form what I can see I couldn't see anything wrong with your work, I thought it was written out really well, and if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to change anything to make it better.
I also loved the story you were telling us, it was really well done, I could feel all the deep emotion you had put into your words. I could feel everything, and that was one of the best parts of the poem.
I thought all the punctuation was put int the right place to bring across the emotion and to give it the right flow, so it sounds sad. That was really well done.
I just loved the choice of words, they were like the last peace of the puzzle. All the emotion and the flow mashed really well this the words you picked so amazing job.
This also felt like a love letter to me in a funny way.
Anyway that's all form me for now. I'm glad i had the chance to come read and review your work, I hope I will see more things form you soon, because I am hooked to your writing. Post again on YWS soon, and have a great day or night ether one.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Thank you so, so much for reading. It means the world to me. I'm glad it captivated you so.
May I ask how/why it felt like a love letter? I'm just asking out of curiosity.
To me it felt like a love letter, because of some of the words you used, and the emotion.