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Psychotic or Psychotic?

by PenelopeHope

I write this at midnight because that's when most of my thoughts come out of hiding. At this time I'm realizing that because I'm so spacey and also hard of hearing, that I don't let myself trust my eyes and ears. If I see or hear something that's amazing or explanatory of other happenings in my life, I dismiss them as my imagination because I know I’m probably just fooling myself, in a daydream of false hope.

I find that if I don't want to respond to something, or if don’t hear something, I pretend not to have heard it. But I realize that i’m so good at pretending I don’t hear things, and it’s so believable to me and everyone around me that I don’t hear things, that I believe I really didn't hear it, or that I made it up, though what I've actually heard could help me prove to myself what's really going on around me. But I forget that I actually heard it for real because I'm pretending I didn't and I believe I didn't... I don't know what's real and what's my imagination. Do I make up everything or do I imagine that I make up everything!?

From across the room, he turns away from me. He whispers something in the ear of the kid on his left. The kid smiles and turns to him, I can't see the look on his face. But I didn't see any of that. He looks at me. He turns the the kid on his right. Whispers something to him. The kid smiles at him, says something: "I think she'll say yes," but I didn't hear that. They both turn to me. I'm still looking at them. They both put on guilty faces of surprise, I quickly move my eyes up the wall. I'm in space. I didn't see that. They glance at each other, relieved. I stay in space a while, and when I come back, I come back from nowhere. I don't analyze what happened because I wasn't supposed to see it, wasn't supposed to hear it... It didn't happen, So I imagined it... I imagined it because it would make sense of his actions before... But I can't count it as evidence... Because I don't remember it. I hadn’t, until now really.

If it happens again, I'll know I imagined it, because I imagined it before, right? It's just another peice of the story in my mind. Right?...

I feel like I’m psychotic but I can’t tell if I’m actually psychotic or if I’m imagining I’m psychotic - which would make me psychotic in either sense, right?

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Points: 240
Reviews: 0

Tue Feb 23, 2016 3:19 am
Izzy01 says...

Penelope, I like the work you've done here. You captured complicated thoughts and emotions and put them into words. This type of writing can be difficult and you have handled it well. You grabbed my attention and held it 'till the very last word. Great writing here! Hope to see more.

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93 Reviews

Points: 844
Reviews: 93

Sat Feb 20, 2016 10:09 pm
klennon14 wrote a review...

From the first line you had me.

Hi there, here for a quick review! :)

Dude, are you me and I am you? The entire first paragraph perfectly describes me. And probably 99.9% of writers or those with crazy, creative minds.

"The kid smiles at him, says something: "I think she'll say yes," but I didn't hear that."
"I'm in space. I didn't see that." This is comical, honest and genius all at the same time. I love how you tie together these beautifully erratic realizations you just made in these few lines.

The way you or your character (since this is categorized as 'narrative,' I'm going to assume it's you, but I don't want to jump to conclusions) is so inside their's intriguing. Very intriguing and entertaining.

The answer to the last (brilliant) line is no, if you're wondering. It just makes you human.

Amazing job, I love this.

Happy writing,

Kali L.

(P.S. If you're ever too stuck inside your own head, feel free to message or chat with me :))

User avatar
15 Reviews

Points: 646
Reviews: 15

Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:29 am
jedd wrote a review...

Wow. Wow. This is just amazing. I...I can't...

This is a whole new world for me. The uniqueness is so good it clawed into my heart, the special - paradigm of seeing things opened up new possibilities. I have to admit, I want more of this. More of- I don't know how you come up with a concept as beautiful as this- but I want more of your writes.

Almost perfection for a start-off. The way you used the second paragraph as a way of - coping, I guess, as a springboard for the...ferocious feelings delivered in the third is spot-on.

The confusion was so...precisely delivered in the last two paragraphs. I could even feel it myself. I want it, more of it.

There are things to improve on, though. There could be some adverbs to make things more vivid, but still, the picture is still quite clear though.

Overall, this is a concept so mysterious and magical at the same time. I love mysterious. And magical. Well done.

PenelopeHope says...

Heeeyo! thanks for the wonderful comments! They make me so happy! Since you liked this piece so much, I thought I would let you know that I just published another similar, thoughtful piece! It is titled: Equal Rights for Chimpanzees. Please check it out!!

Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
— Ellen DeGeneres