Chapter 2
I finally woke up to a poke at my tail. When my eyes opened I saw on my jaw was something clamping it shut, and I couldn’t move.
Then a face appeared out of no where, a human, remembering what they did to my mother I let out a deep and dangerous growl. If I could I would bite his head off.
The human said something in the human language, I couldn’t understand it and they did what I thought was human laughter. Then the human said something like, “Kay ti hanga re.” He then said to his friends, “Mesa lok je’c hif,” and they roared out in what I thought was human laughter again, it was strange and he stalked off.
“Le goy fed nes kih Kagan, hec medo de Kesa,” he said, punched me in the nose, which was already hurting because of the deer.
My nose is now not my only problem now, I thought. Now I had bigger problems, escaping and staying away from Kesa.
You know I have no joy in killing Dragons, said a mysterious voice, it turned out to be the magician, I think you are fascinating creatures, but to bad the Emperor wants you dead.
What happened to my mother, did you kill her? I asked forcefully.
Me, no I have no benefit in killing Dragons. The Spotter that punched you in the muzzle was the one that stabbed her. She put up an impressive fight
“Si ken nea di Gagon!”yelled a Spotter that was to my left but I couldn’t see him.
“Ta, ta, jes kendo,” the magician called over.
Sorry Dragon, the Spotters are getting suspicious of me. It is not my choice to be here. If I could I’d set you free, but as long as the Spotters are watching I can’t. And with that the magician walked away.
The sky darkened as the day went by and I could smell the meat the Spotters were eating, I realized how hungry I was. My stomach gave a big rumble and I guessed a guard heard it because he came to the front holding the cooked leg of some animal. He rubbed it in my face saying, “Gi, goy le gar, le thi Gagon.”
“Ye va Gagon ne,” said what I hopped was the magician, “je ec ym sib, mesa’li def ti.”
The magician stepped into my view and said something in the strange human language to the guard, who stalked off leaving the meat with the magician. Sorry about that, but those guards have no respect for Dragons.
Why, I asked, what have we done to you humans.
Absolutely nothing, was the magician’s simple answer, they capture and put you in Kesa just because of the fact of looking like wild animals with no self intellectual thought.
But we do, can’t they see that. You can, why can’t you tell them.
I might have magical powers, but I’m basically servant in the emperor’s eye. If I don’t do what he says I shall be hanged. Besides old beliefs are hard to break. Here eat this, he said and took off the thing around my jaw and put the meat into my opened jaw.
Thank you, I said, are you still sure there is nothing you can do to get me out.
I’m sorry Dragon, but I can’t. I have no wish to keep you in here, I think you are astounding creatures, the magician said, and left my line of sight.
We followed, what I guessed was, a human trail. I was pulled by two ox, and the nights were uncomfortable because of the no movement. The magician every night when we stopped came back to talk to me and give me a small meal, I was still starving after everyone. And it went like that for days until one night.
Arrows shot out of the trees, but strangely they didn’t look like the humans arrows. Some impaled the unsuspecting Spotters, but once they were alerted they got near me like I was to protect them. When they did the arrows ceased, however was attacking wanted me alive.
Then out of the forest sprang creatures that looked like humans, but because of their grace and beauty, I knew them to be Elves. Elves are the guardians of the Dragons, protecting them from humans.
They came in with the same strange sticks as the humans, and the humans drew their sticks. The Elves were more agile than the humans though and those who stood in an Elf’s way was quickly cut down. In the panic I didn’t realize someone was cutting me out of my prison. It was the magician.
Keep quite Dragon, I’m getting you out of here, the magician said urgently.
[i]But I thought there was nothing you could do to get me out?[/i] I asked.
The Elf attack was unsuspected, they’ll get you out of here.
I got up and stretched out my sore limbs from days and I spread my very cramped wings. The battle was still going on around me, but I didn’t care I was finally free.
“Step away from the Dragon magician,” commanded a majestic voice from behind me, “and you’ll live to see another day.” I turned around and saw a male Elf with perfectly lined face, no wrinkles, and the finest red clothes that were rimmed in gold leaf and oddly enough I could understand his human-like speech. “I’ll say it again if you’re hard of hearing magician; step away from the Dragon and I’ll let you live.”
No, I begged, don’t harm, he is the reason I’m am free now.
“As you wish Dragon,” weird they obeyed me, “but I don’t suggest him as a friend, he will lead you wrong.”
Where ever you take me I wish this magician to be wish us, I tried, I wondered if it would work.
“As you wish Dragon, but as I said before, he will lead you wrong.”
Thank you, I said, and please my name is Draconan.
“Your wish is my command Lord Draconan,” the Elf said. And what is a lord.
Strange name, Draconan, said the magician.
Oh, if my name is strange then I ask; what is your name?
He hesitated, Uh, Hesano.
Strange name, Hesano, I repeated sarcastically.
“If I may ask Lord Draconan, where is you mother aren’t you a little young to be on your own already?” asked the Elf sounding deeply wooried.
My mother I forgot about her in my captivity. Oh, she was....killed by the Spotters.
“Then the survivors lives are in your claws, do with them what you wish my lord.”
I had to think about that, they were my mother’s killers, I could avenge her or show mercy and let them live. Let them all go, but strip them of their weapons and armor.
Draconan, are the sure you want to do that? asked the magician. They are the ones killed your mother.
You’re the reason I’m captured, but I’m still letting you come with me and the Elves, who strangely think I’m their leader or something. “We shall do as you wish Lord Draconan,” said the Elf. “Take away the survivors weapons and armor and set them free!” And when the Elf said that the other elves released the tied up prisoners who I haven’t spotted yet. They didn’t seem to understand what the Elf said, but once the other Elves released them from their bonds they went from scared to overjoyed.
“Please magician, I know you understand our language, please tell them they have been released and are free to go, but if they harm any other Dragon they will be killed on the spot.”
“O-ok,” said Hesano in the Elf’s language and said in the human’s language, “Le goy re nes og, tu fi le’oy poot yb he Felves ramin aton Gagon le’li id.” When he said that the humans looked at each other and ran off down the human trail.
“Your command has been down my lord,” said the Elf.
Thank you, I said, but will you please stop calling me lord and Lord Draconan, just call me your friend or Draconan. “If it pleases you my lo...,” he stopped I knew this will take awhile, “my friend,” he finally said. “And my name is Leando, and I’m the leader of the Elves, and I wish to bring you to the Elven city of Oraco, but only if it pleases you, my lo- (jeez this will take awhile) Draconan.”
I would like that, thank you, I said. I turned to Hesano and asked, Do you wish to come with us or go back home.
“Go home, forget it!” he exclaimed. “It would be an honor if I came with you and the Elves, Lord Draconan,” he teased.
“We’ll come with us my...my friend, To the City of Oraco.” And he started into the forest with me and Hesano behind him and the other Elves bringing up the rear.
Stuff is happening fast in this story and eventually try to slow it down and get more things into it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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It's getting better and insteresting. Your characters are developing, Draconan, the magician, the Elves, the humans, and so forth. Also, taking your plot along. Well, the grammars and stuff have already been mentioned, so I don't need to. The story is coming along. Good work.
I decided not to end the chapter here I'm adding onto it and will have more on this chapter posted.
Overall, it's a good storyline and the characters are coming into place. I'm just wondering if there'll be any more elves... Anyway--I just found some gramatical errors here and there, but nothing that needs more than a second of fixing.
It just doesn't flow right to me. If you still like the sentence, then don't listen to me and keep in it. I'm probably just being a nag.
Comma after left.
What? I read this four times before I understood that you wanted to say whoever. Change the comma to a semi-colon. Add a coma after did.
Comma after Dragon. *I'm a comma spaz, if you haven't noticed*
Perhaps you wanted the dragon to say this, I'm not sure. It just seemed odd the way it was put in at the end there.
Either put some type of punctuation after my mother or say "I forgot about my mother..."
Don't start it with and. This is a runon sentence. Cut it into two sentences or something like that. Also, the parentensis don't really work in quotes. You have to end the quote, put the parenthensis in, then start it again. Otherwise, it looks like the elf is saying it.
New paragraph at the beginning. will --> would. Semi-colon or period after stopped.
I like the story. It keeps moving, which is always a nice change from those ones that drone on in detail. Keep posting and i'll keep reading =]
There were a few typos that could be fixed easily with spell check and a proofread.
This didn't seem to fit. Perhaps 'If I could have, I would have bitten his head off.' would sound better.
You could delete the first two.
'no movement' sounds strange to me. Maybe it could be, '...because I couldn't move or because I hadn't moved all day.' Just some suggestions. 'Every night when we stopped the magician...' would flow better. I don't really understand the last part of that sentence. Did you forget something? Also, I think ox plural is oxen.
Overall, very good story.