We returned from the park with the same silence. This time, at least I think it's not so uncomfortable. Strangely a part of me feels a great relief. We had five days without speaking. I never wanted to give my arm twisted because my pride prevented me, the typical'' if he wants, he looks''. But on the other hand I feel like a part of me has been torn at the park. I guess that's normal and it will eventually fade.
My subconscious warns me, but immediately dismiss the thought.
CHAPTER 1 OR GETTING TO KNOW AMANDA.
My internal clock wakes me as punctual as a Swiss. It is 7:00 am. I know I must go to work. Reluctantly, I get up and head straight to the bathroom, as usual. --Who does not? After urinating, eyes a little more apt to see, I look in the mirror. My hair completely with my clutter morning. I watch my features. In my twenty-four years, I think I'm average. I have not the appearance of Adriana Lima I guess. No, I guess not, I know. But I'm not the ugliest woman to ever walk this planet. Let's say my white skin and jet black hair never dyed gives me a heap.
What bad influence may be the mirror when you're a woman! I think as I frown and stare at the brown eyed girl I have in front of me. Women are complicated, we usually never conform with our appearance. I complain about being thin.
I take a shower, and after reviewing for the ninth time my closet I decide to use my usual wardrobe. My life a complete routine. A sand-colored pencil skirt, a black blouse with ruffled linen on the shoulders and black heels. Mascara, a little blush and some lip gloss enough. I gather my hair into a high ponytail. And now to breakfast.
Probably one of the things I miss living with my mother. Getting up completely carefree of all the responsibilities involved in live alone, breakfast served and someone to talk to in the morning. But no, Amanda wanted to live alone. Amanda wanted to grow and mature, my subconscious scolds me sarcastically. So the only thing that keeps me company is the sound of the morning news, but I never really pay attention. I prepare a chocolate milkshake with an egg, and a toast with a little butter. How boring is breakfast alone!
At 8:45 am I'm already in the parking lot of my building, tearing my lovely and always reliable Mini¹. Being the assistant of a major law firm is logical I could afford it... in payments, my wallet replica, but I did. Out of my bag, which completely unmatches with my selection of clothes--my iPhone. I look for some music to mitigate the silence, but my mind can not decide what she wants to hear, so I pulse random selection, fasten my seat belt and get out of my parking space. Ready for another day of work. Gee!
Traffic, at 9:03 am, is at a crawl. Luckily, I'm a prevented girl and I always head to the office fifteen minutes early. I applaud myself with a goofy smile while singing "Secrets" in sync with One Republic², my favorite of the band.
After leaving my car in the parking lot of the building where I work, I go into the hall at a rapid pace.
--Good morning Miss Robledo --the guard greets me with a big smile.
--Good day Efren --I answer him with the same joviality.
The hall is a large living room, cold, with completely executive look. Floors are of large and shiny black tiles contrasting with the walls covered with quarry. A large ''spider'' chandelier'' is vividly illuminating the entire room. In front of the entrance gate are erected two giant columns, which in the left and right, respectively, lead to the elevators. Among them is the reception. Gladys, the receptionist, is a woman who is in her forties, single... though I don't know why she never got married. She's short, brunette and very vivacious. I approach her.
--Hello Gladys, good morning.
--Amanda, always the first to arrive. How was your morning? --infecting me with her incredible sense of good humor.
--Oh, you know, the usual. I woke up next to our handsome husband, I prepared him breakfast and he brought me to work. I love him. He says tonight it's your turn --telling the joke we repeat every day, and we start to laugh.
--Well, I'd probably keep forever that husband of mine, so that you can get you a real one --mumbles.
--Oh for God sake Gladys, you know I don't have a big effect on men --I reply with a twinge of apathy.
--Young lady, of course you have it, you just don't give a chance to notice it --rolling her eyes.
-- With the executives in here? --I tell her with sardonic laughter.
--No Amanda. Leave those rascals to me --says smugly. --You are young and beautiful, but you prefer to live locked up crying, eating ice cream and watching uninterrupted romance novels.
Oh God is it really that pathetic?
--Gladys, I have to go, I have a meeting at 10:00 am, and I have to get ready... --ignoring her comment.
--I know what you're doing girl, don't think I'm done with you ... --she shouts as I walk away to the elevators.
I love Gladys. It is my only friend in this office, where I spend half of my day. But her frankness --which I appreciate--sometimes bothers me too. Poke in your life.
You know she's right, I replied to myself, but I don't pay attention to myself, I frown in disapproval and hope the elevator.
When the elevator doors opened, I start to think of the board that I have, remembering the points to be treated --so boring!-- and my concentration gets interrupted by the sound of my iPhone. It is a message.
Maria. Girl, don't forget that you have a date tonight.
I need an escape, now. But before I can devise some unreasonable and useless plan, I get another message. Crap.
Maria. I know what you're thinking and you can't escape. We organize details later because you're coming to my place to make-up, we have so MUCH to do... Emilio is dying to meet you... Kisses!
MUCH to do!? I'm not that screwed... I just don't spend that much time on make-up.
Me. Emilio will have to settle with this or continue dying to know me. Don't know what time I'll be out of work, but I'll text you. XOXO!
Doors open, automatically --I assume-- I pressed the number 6 because I don't remember. I leave the elevator as I put my phone into my purse.
Floor number 6 is completely white, floor and walls. It's sectioned by sliding glasses, except for the back office that is protected by a white wall with a black door. The office of Mr. Belmonte, head of law firm, of which I am assistant. The offices of the other lawyers are on the floor 4 and 5. The number 6 has one main office, my office, a boardroom and a small reception. There are only two paintings all over the floor, hanging of course to the sides of the large black door of Mr. Belmonte. I can only identify one. It is an excellent replica of a Salvador Dali¹: Three Sphinxes of Bikini. I think the other is a replica of an oil, is the scene of a kiss ... probably Picasso², though I'm not sure.
I go immediately to my office, past the reception desk still unoccupied. On top of this there is a sign pointing to the wall with large black letters: Belmonte, Venegas and Associates.
Rectified that my notes are in order sitting at my desk of titanium and glass. It takes me no more than five minutes.
--Good morning Amanda --greets me politely Mr. Belmonte.
--Good morning Sir.
--Is everything ready? --he asks distracted.
--Yes, sir. Everything is in order. Ready for the board. --Reassure him somewhat exaggerated.
--Why don't you have any photos of anyone on your desktop? --he asks as he gets me out of my work trance.
What?
--I actually never thought about that Sir --trying to sound distracted.
--Oh well! --sorry whispers, and I thank God he doesn't delve into the subject.
--Well, I'll be in my office. Let me know when the other associates arrive --he subtly orders me and leaves my office.
Mr. Belmonte. Adolfo Belmonte, is a man who is in his splendid 53 years. --And I say splendid, because he doesn't look in his fifties-- his chestnut brown hair with a few gray hairs, his slender and exercised body --I know from the monthly bills coming from a renowned fitness-- and his seemingly carefree attitude, makes him seem somewhat younger. I like my boss --just as boss!
Fifteen minutes later the other firm associates had arrived and begin to take their place in the boardroom. Well, I'll start to work.
I have a long day, I have a long day.
First I think its better if you put what they're saying in quotes.
Second
Isaac... I... I do not have lied. It was a serious misunderstanding --I say truthful sorry.
Issac... I... I did not lie. It was a serious misunderstanding. --I say truthfully sorry.
I was highly confused on this one sentence alone.
I have been a headache due to my usual tantrums.
I have a headache due to my usual tantrums.
Third
¹ Beetle: the Volkswagen Beetle is a compact car, introduced by Volkswagen in 1997.
² Motel: is a group of Mexican rock pop music created in 2003, made by William "Billy" Méndez, Rodrigo Dávila Chapoy, José Damián and Rubén Puente.
I believe you put this in the wrong spot and I don't think you need it. Let them figure it out on their own. That's the whole part of the story.
Okay love the story, but I'm kinda of confused and I'm not even at the end yet. How old is she and where does she work.
Okay so a lot of this mainly has to do with how your saying it. I can understand they way you're saying it, but some of the sentences are so confusing I have to urge to change half of them. But I really do like the story, it's different from the one's I read. Since it's a novel I'd really like to read the next chapter. Oh yeah and like Tragic said, the whole authors note is too long and maybe needs to be at the end.
From a novelist herself -- I hope you don't think my review is mean.
Hey SharraeWilson!
First of all I don't think at all that your review is mean, it's always nice to ''hear'' sincere opinions.
I thought about quotation marks, but like I said to tragicHearts I used the long dialogue scores but for some reason they can't be used in YWS. So I agree that they might not seem like a dialogue at all!
As for the grammar mistakes, I apologize, you see, my birth language is spanish so I translated what I wrote to english so... in future I would have to ask someonte to do a proper translation.
As for the references I thought that since it's not my work or my creation or whatever I thought it would be nice to make a reference to give them credit, but I think the idea of letting the reader figure that out it's nice!
At the beginning of Chapter 1 she says she's in her twenty-four and she says she works for some lawyers firm.
And the author note can always be moved haha it's just how I wrote in my book (but it would change it's format with time I assume).
Thanks for liking my story (which is the point of this post). Grammar, quotes and the author's note it's not something that can't be corrected.
Happy writing and onward!
Hello here to review the best I can. Note I'm not great at grammar myself so I will let someone else point grammar mistakes out. Instead I will just give my opinion on things like story flow and here we go.
First I don't think putting that long of an author note at the beginning is a good thing. It might turn some people away, maybe instead put that at the end.
Second you need quotation marks around what people are saying. That way you clearly show someone is talking. Also maybe when she reads a text message make the words in the message all bold. I have never done a text message yet in my book, but I think you would benefit from making the text message a different front then the rest of the words.
Third I think it would be best to cut your next chapter into two parts. I think It disturbed the flow when you cut it up in this one post. Also It might flow better if you have the getting to know Amanda part first.
Well that is all for this review I hope this is helpful to you. Keep writing and above all have fun doing it.
Hey tragicHearts!
The long author note at the beginning it's where I put it in the PDF because I'm assuming that the reader it's going to read the whole book and not just the first three pages of it.
As for the quotation marks I thought that they weren't needed because if I quote what people is saying it may sound like if it's a very very important quote instead I went for using scores (the long ones) but somehow they can't be used in here so I had to use this (--) and I agree with you that this gives no talking impression. Also I agree with you on the text messages all bold could be good, thanks!
Like I said before I'm giving my book format in PDF, given this it doesn't fit properly into this spaces because it lacks on pages order and all of the writer's extravaganza (like the note from the author, the synopsis and the introduction) instead here it gives the feeling like you have read a bible before actually starting to the read it's content. However chapter 1 it's the first chapter but here feels like it's the seventh or something and it's only the first three pages of the first chapter because the first chapter I wrote it's 20 pages.
Thanks for your reply and the advices! Happy writing to you too!
And onward!