The Silver Pool

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this was a genuinely beautiful little tale here, really painting a beautiful little picture and with at least by my interpretation showing a beautiful bittersweet little moment of this lost soul of a child gently being laid to rest by angels.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

The wind rushed through the trees, blowing back the girl's hair as she ran. She laughed and squealed with delight, running until she finally collapsed in the shade of a large tree. She looked around the forest, taking in the sights. Trees towered above her, blocking out the sun. Large, glowing flowers and luminescent mushrooms shined pink, blue, and gold light through the forest.

The girl suddenly heard voices above and looked around, trying to find the source. She spotted two unusual girls. The first had long, teal hair and glowing teal eyes. Glowing flowers formed a crown around her head. She wore a flowy tunic with long sleeves and black leggings tucked into navy boots. She held a basket full of various fluorescent fruits.

Ooh a very magical little start here, just setting a scene of a seemingly normal enough little forest here before adding just a couple of details that set it apart here before it then proceeds to cut right to the moment with these two girls really giving a magical touch to it.

The second girl had neon orange hair pulled into a braid and amber eyes. The most startling detail though, was that she had deer antlers sicking up from the top of her head. She was climbing in the trees, tossing fruit into her companions basket.

The girl listened to their conversation since neither had spotted her.

"I think we have enough, Fauna." The teal girl was saying, "We should head back soon. Everyone's waiting for us."

Oooh interesting, looks like instead of engaging right away, we're adopting a more cautious observational approach and it seems to be a fairly good call, the girls seem quite preoccupied by their own little mission here that they're trying to accomplish.

The orange girl, who must've been Fauna, called back, "Okay, just a few more, Flora. It's not quite sunset so we have another minute before we need to head back."

The girl watched as Fauna grabbed a few more fruits and tossed them to Flora. Then, the two climbed out of the trees and walked over to a pool of water in the ground. Flora hummed a quick song and the pool turned to liquid silver. Flora and Fauna grabbed hands, jumped into the pool, and vanished.

Ooooh well that looks like a very magical moment and that little bit of quiet observation has really paid off here. I was expecting a small little thing in the forest but this seems like its a whole entire gateway to a new world here.

The girl ran over and splashed her hands into the water, but the silver sheen had faded and her hands ran over the muddy bottom. She decided to camp out and wait for the girls' return. A few days later, they finally came back. The girl had been resting in the branches of a tree when the pool suddenly began to glow and Flora and Fauna came running out.

The girl was surprised and fell from the branch. She quickly jumped up and tried to hide but she had already been spotted. Fauna looked over at Filora and they seemed to have a silent exchange before Flora nodded to Fauna and gave the girl a sad smile.

Oooh interesting. Looks like she was careful at the start to not end up discovered but it seems coming back to it, things are not so lucky here and she's spotted despite those quick attempts to hide there. We'll see how exactly that's going to end up panning out.

Fauna looked up at the girl with watery eyes and held out her hand, "Come with us little one, we'll take care of you." The girl approached slowly and took Fauna's hand. Fauna led her over to the pool's edge and Flora leaned down and touched the water's surface.

She hummed a soft song and the pool glowed gold instead of silver. Fauna squeezed the girl's hand softly and Flora wrapped her arm across the girl's shoulders. They stepped forward into the pool and everything went black as they sank into the water.

Oooh interesting. The gold definitely adds quite a touch to it and now the girl waiting so long and the sad tone of them as they ask her to join them really adds an extra undertone that is making for some incredibly powerful little things right here.

The girl heard a steady beeping noise through the darkness. The beeping slowly grew faster before it turned into one long tone. A soft golden glow broke through the black until the girl found herself floating in the sky, bathed in golden light and looking out at a sunset.

A soft voice whispered, "Don't be afraid. You can rest now, brave one."

Ahh looks almost like the soul of a little one that is being carried into heaven at least it would be my guess trying to interpret it all. Either way a really adorable ending for what I wondered for a moment might get just a little bit scary there.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall a beautiful little tale, whether my interpretation here stands as true or not. It really captures quite beautifully this peaceful little forest and this neat little magical interaction within it. Its a story that leaves you with a little smile on your face, and what more can you really ask for?

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate

Hello fellow writer! Ley here to write a tortoise-y review on this amazing work you've published! This is a new review style that I'm using only for the month of June, in spirit of the Great Tortoise Race! Let's get started, 'shell' we? xD

Shell Start: This seems like an interesting take on Flora and Fauna (nature wise)! I'm not sure if you were trying to personify the two, and make them into girls, but if so-- you did a wonderful job!

Favorite Leaf:
I really enjoyed the initial setting: a vibrant forest, described as filled with towering trees and glowing flora. This created a whimsical and magical environment, enhancing the my sense of wonder as I read the piece! Wonderful job with that. The girl's experience of floating in the sky, accompanied by a comforting voice, suggests a transition from life to a peaceful afterlife. The story concludes on a soothing, reflective note, emphasizing themes of rest and peace. The ending made me smile, especially the last hint of dialogue. <3

Shell Fractures:
A suggestion:

The girl suddenly heard voices above and looked around, trying to find the source. She spotted two unusual girls. The first had long, teal hair and glowing teal eyes. Glowing flowers formed a crown around her head. She wore a flowy tunic with long sleeves and black leggings tucked into navy boots. She held a basket full of various fluorescent fruits.

I wasn't sure who you were talking about here in these bolded sentences. Is it the girl that was playing, or the two girls she ended up seeing? I think by adding more information, it'd make it easier for the reader to determine who is carrying the basket etc.

Tortoise Wisdom:
My favorite quote:

A soft voice whispered, "Don't be afraid. You can rest now, brave one."

Ahhh! What a wonderful ending this was! It was the perfect way to end this story story with a bang! Great job

Overall: This was a wonderful piece. It really emphasized the themes of fantasy, mystery, and emotional depth, creating a compelling story that captured my imagination while also conveying a sense of peace and closure. Thank you for sharing, and I hope to read more of your work in the future!

Thank you for taking the time to read this review! I hope to see you join the race, and keep being awesome! Happy Writing~

Hello, My Friend!

Pleasure to meet you, fellow fantasy writer! I am Raven, and I’d like to review this short story using my Familiar method today! It’s pretty much the YWS’more method with the touch of a fantasy-horror writer. Let’s dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh…

What The Black Eyes See...

Brilliant short story! Very whimsical on the surface with great descriptions, leading into a very mysterious twist, and finally a bittersweet yet touching ending. Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

Not much to put here! The story was absolutely lovely. I do have some very minor recommendations free to take or leave:

First is a very minor typo here:

The most startling detail though, was that she had deer antlers sicker up from the top of her head.

I think "sicker up" was meant to be "sticking up."

(...aaand I literally had to go back and edit because I spelled the correction wrong. *facepalms* Nice one Raven XD)

The second is more subjective and has to do with grammar, specifically in these parts:

"I think we have enough Fauna," The teal girl was saying,

The orange girl, who must've been Fauna called back, "Okay, just a few more Flora.

There's always discourse about where commas are appropriate, but I feel like these lines may read better if you put a comma before saying a name. Not only is it more traditional, but it's a bit easier to read, especially in fantasy settings.

Finally, you have such lovely descriptions of the scenery and the girls, props to you for that! I feel like they would especially "pop" with some sensory details, like a note about the feeling of a gentle breeze, the sound as it rustles the leaves, the aroma of mossy earth and flowers, etcetera. This is something I'm still working on in my own writing, thanks to YWS feedback lol

Now naturally, I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt. I mean nothing negative, I hope this helps, and the story is great as it is of course ~

Why The Grin Widened...

Ah, where to begin picking a favorite moment? Can I just say all of it? haha.

As I mentioned, your descriptions are absolutely incredible. They crafted an amazing visual of the forest, with its magical elements like glowing flowers and mushrooms. That immediately drew me in and gave the story a feeling of life, right off the bat.

I also very much enjoyed the character designs. The vibrant colors and distinct styles, and how they matched up with the characters' names (Fauna having deer antlers and Flora having a flower crown). That was a very nice touch ~

And my favorite part, despite its grim undertones, was that twist ending.

A soft golden glow broke through the black until the girl found herself floating in the sky, bathed in golden light and looking out at a sunset.

A soft voice whispered, "Don't be afraid. You can rest now, brave one."

(maybe I'm off, please correct me if so) This read as the girl dying from perhaps a terminal illness or injury. Flora and Fauna replace the role of Death as her guide to the afterlife, where she can finally rest, while also symbolizing a sort of "return to nature" through it all. I'm not 100% on this, but I assume the Silver Pool signifies that gateway between life and death as well.

Even if I am off, it was still a brilliant ending that was perfectly narrated and great to read.

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, you wrote an incredible piece of fantasy with so much meaning and so much to interpret from it, I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed; 10/10. Nicely done!