Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
So I feel like the inconsistency with the capitalization for the I is going to go over people's heads unless you consistent capitalize 'You' until the end, or faith. Playing with capitals is tricky, but it is possible as long as you make it obvious you know what you're doing and you're doing it in purpose. So be consistent with it like when you're writing "no i'm sorry" make it no, I'm sorry so that we see the change.
As for the poem itself, I feel like it is two stanzas instead of one, breaking it up will give us a better feel for when the confidence has built enough for I instead of Faith. Also, consider adding in some more commas, like after me in the second line. This will help space out the poem more and make it easier to hear what pace you want. The pace is important in poetry and I feel like if we ignore it, it will be hard to read aloud. In this poem currently the pace is alright, but it could use some improvements.
Also consider that each line should have a unique quality to it and say something on it's own when it stands alone. I think that will help you figure out where to break up your sentences more consistently.
I could sort of relate to this poem because I too have questions about the Higher Being and religion and all that jazz. It's all a mystery to me really. I just don't know what to believe and who's right!! But the breaks in your stanzas were very awkward.. It didn't flow very nicely. I think you need to reword the lines and it will sound better.
Good job Pavel, keep writing. Yet, I won't speak to you about my faith, but if you ever want me to answer some of your "unanswered questions", I'll gladly give it a try. Also, I may have a lot of questions for YOU to answer as well (wink).
Hi there, PavelPig. My name is Scarlett and I'll be reviewing your poetry this evening. ^^
This is an interesting poem. But I feel it's lacking something. I also feel like your line breaks make the flow really awkward. I suggest reading it out loud to see if it sounds good. If it doesn't, you might want to fiddle to make it sound better. Other than that, I do like this.
And I really don't think I have anything more to say. It's good and with a few little fiddles, it'll be even better, but I like it so far, and that's a good thing. Sooo, that's it now. This is an interesting little poem. Thanks for the poetry! I hope this review helps, somehow. ^^
Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar. <3