Rewind Button

I think the message of wanting to go back and undo something that we've done wrong or chosen the wrong thing is something everyone can understand. I also agree with demoness that your writing is so strong and the emotions conveyed so well without need for the cursing.

Okay, so I feel like you do have something important to say but you're in a bit too much hurrey to do so! Your idea is great and some lines are really amazing but at other points it only seems awkward and dull. Also, the cursing and ugly words.. nuh-uh, take 'ehm away! I get that the narrator is upset and wants to express her emotions in every way possible but there are words that are just as powerful without making the piece seem slobby and awkward you know Also, the structure began very well, great flow and rythm and all. But then the stanzas started to differ in size and so did the length of the lines - try keeping to one pattern Also, please use punctuation, it's impossible to read a poem as long as this one without suffocating without the dots and commas ^^

Finally, I like where you're going but this needs alot of work, please notify me if you edit it and I'd love to look over it again (I'd love one of those rewinding buttons too)

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

This is why kids in highschool shouldn't have sex at all. So much misconceptions on love and romance..to which in most cases is all just based on lust. A lot of this girl in the poem is explaining...or should I say "complaining" about is everything that she allowed to happen.

Anyway, I thought that this was a pretty decent poem and I'm not sure if this is based on your real life or not. I sincerely doubt that this is based on real life, but if is, then you need to learn that highschool boys/girls rarely comprehend what true love is and get it confused with lust and infatuation.

There were a few mistakes that I noted below:

If life had a rewind button give me two ---------> two what?
To rewind until there was no me and you
I'd use the first one to take away those days of passion
Where your lips were everything I've ever dreamed of and more
Those hours of rolling around in the grass --------> Not really a mistake, just find it hard to believe that it took hours for sex
Your hands squeezing my tits and my ass
Bitting every bit of exposed skin I had
Damn I need to erase the past--------> Needs a comma after damn

Everytime I take a shower
I still see the bruises that you left
You were the first one to ever bite me anywhere
The only one to disappear without a care
So fuck you too man ------> You need a comma after "you" and after "too"
Disappear from my life
I'm not your common whore anymore
You want to get some random girl
Go on and find her somewhere else
Because I'm searching for that rewind button
To undo my ignorance and never meet you ---> Sounds odd, replace with "and erase when we met"

When I close my eyes I'm not showered with hopes and dreams ---> Comma after "eyes"
No instead of slammed with painful memories ----->Comma after "no"
And words left from you to me
"We aren't ready for a relationship right now" ---> They weren't ready for sex either
But your ready to ram you dick into me ----> ram "your" dick into me
Please you're ready for some other girl just not me ----> Comma after "please" and "girl"
"We shouldn't have done this"
Now you regret it ----> Comma after "Now"
But if I remember correctly
It was you calling me back to your place
It was you pulling me into you
And kissing my face
"I'm sorry"
Save your sorries for someone who wants them
Because I don't need your bullshit of a lie anymore
Go tell someone else those words
We both know the truth
You aren't sorry for what you did
You wanted to see how far you could push me
How naive I really was
You wanted another girl to be in your bed
How the hell did you get in my head

I need a rewind button
So I can erase the past
Stop myself from going back to your place
And hang from your every line of broken promises and ill-painted dreams
I wouldn't have come with you if I knew what was gonna happen ---> Girls who say this are dumb
I wouldn't have met up with you and clung to you so fervently
I wouldn't have responded to your false hopes and your dreams
I wouldn't have stripped down infront of you ---> Iditiots give themselves up so easily..lol
Opened my eyes for you
Yes just for you! --------> Comma after "Yes"

I'd get a rewind button
I need one so badly
Because everyday I wake up
And my heart is slammed with pain
You're the first person I think of in the morning
And the last that I think of as I go to sleep
Why does it have to be this way
Life needs a rewind button
So I could rewind my life back to the way it was
Before there was ever a thought of me and you

I loved it! It was so raw and real and full of feeling, way better than anything I've ever written. I noticed some errors in grammar, just little typos. For instance, there was a period in the middle of a sentence and a question mark missing at the end of another. The actual lines were amazing. The way you filtered memories in through and the bitter, regretful voice of the narrator are powerful and perfect. Other than the grammar, this is great!