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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This peice is awsome it show emotions and soul and just everything you need in poem.
Your a better writer than me,everything about is excellent.
Great detail ,love the topic I hope one day I be able to write like that. keep writing
So I like where you're going with this! Like dolwright said, you've got a great outlay - you just need to create some order! Keep a pattern, like, sama sized stanzas and a certain length to your lines. This help the flows and the overall impression. Also, I see you've got some commas at places but I still think this work needs some more concrete punctuation
There were a few grammatic errors but it didn't ruin it too much for me. I love the neding though, it's very satisfying as it's both mysterious and hopeful and sad all at ones 
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Good outlay of poem, it just needs some reconstructing; "Music laves her days"; i checked up the word 'laves' in the dictionary and could not find any meaning to it; and the line,"only if there's an sleepless city" should be corrected to "only if there's a sleepless city". Good Finish. Keep Writing.
WHOA that was really good. haha i wish i could write like tat
I love this part:
music laves her days
like a horizon laves another horizon,
as it's always
just a tide in the middle of nowhere
to someone, somewhere else
Though, i'm not sure if there is a comma there... I look at it when it's not 12:45 am hah
The only thing is that i would change the line breaks in the middle, because it's very short and abrupt compared to the rest, but if you fix that the whole thing actually flows REALLY well.
another part i like:
the watercolor moment when the sun goes down
aches like fatigue or heartbreak…
or the music that is both and also
saying and meaning “I understand”
when a close friend says she’ll have to kill herself
if, by mo(u)rning (life),
the man she loves is dead…
or saying and trying to mean “Yes”,
because, being so in love, he has to acquiesce
when his beloved says,
thinking of her death,
“I want you to be the happiest
you’ve ever been.”
wow.
haha i ALSO like this line:
the ends--
suppose the ends are the after image of sight
ANDDD the ending is really satisfactory, too.
So good, keep it up!