There slept a man fast asleep, snoring sonorously to his blissful dreams,
In a dark room nearing midnight, the street lamps outside glowed no light.
The man eyes jumped open at the sound of hard thumping coming from above his head,
His eyes darted left and right looking for what caused such fright,
Eyes darting looking for what cause such fright.
But nothing showed its face.
The man closed his eyes returning to his slumber, blaming the sound on mice,
Returning to his idyllic dream, where in a foreign land he was named king,
But what he forgot is that every king has their demise.
The sound return, but this time in a horrible scream shaking the walls above his head,
An unbearable scream shaking the walls above his head,
But nothing showed its face.
This time the man was scared, and his mind was jumping from the sound above his head,
He grabbed his glasses from his drawer, slid into slippers and headed towards his door,
But there it came again, a loud scream belonging to a woman,
The man stopped, frozen in his tracks, standing listening for the sound of feet,
But there were no sound, only execrable screams,
No sound, only fiendish screams,
But no evil showed its face.
The man now feed up, with the howling that kept his from his sleep,
Started to yell, “Keep it down! Keep it down! Do you not know the hour is twelve,
And some of us most work in the morning, so please must you clam yourself.”
But the man was only answered with eerie silence,
Answered with uncanny silence.
But no evil showed its face.
Within seconds of his scream, the man returned to bed for a rest peacefully,
Only hours of more pleasure filled dreams, he was awoken once more by a scream,
This time the scream louder, coming from his door, he opened his eyes staring at a banshee.
This banshee white as powder, and transparent as glass. Looking harmless as a fly,
But this banshee wasn’t alone, she came with a hideous thing by her side.
She came with a foul thing by her side.
Was this the face of evil?
This thing had fur like a bear, and eyes hungry like a lion, he petrified souls with only one glare.
This monster had squid arms with cat claws at their ends, atrocious roars his only diction.
That looked as if it came off of the pages of fiction, this thing only stared standing solemnly,
Watching as the fear built in his prey,
Watching the fear build in his prey.
This was the face of evil.
The man yelled, o’ did he yell, for help to come and save his life from this horrible thing
From the abyss of hell, this thing that stood be forth him having nothing but hunger
That could only be tamed through the plundering of blood, preferably human.
The man knew he was going to die to the hands of this thing,
The claws of this thing,
Which was the face of evil.
Attacking with swiftness it was frightening, and movements that only compared to lighting,
The thing lunged towards the man scratching the skin off of his face,
Blood stained the floors, and the man screamed louder than ever before,
The banshee only stood in the back and laughed,
A dark, shrill of a laugh,
As she watched evil.
Nothing compared to this agonizing pain that the man felt, claws piercing through his skin
Tearing holes through his soul. He no longer scream as the loss of blood made him numb,
The thing pulled organs from out of the rip in his stomach, chewing on them like dog treats,
The man longed to return to his bed to his dream of him being king,
Return to his dream where he was king,
Instead of dying to the hands of evil.
Hi there, Paris ^-^ Happy review day btw
I say this to everybody, but feel free to ask me to review anything at any time ^-^ I genuinely don’t mind. I also help with editing, it’s sort of my forte, so if you’re ever uncertain about your work or have over read a piece, you can have me examine it and I’ll do my best to give advice and whatnot.
Very nice piece! very haunting almost lol I loved the style. You have beautiful descriptive sentences and structure. Consistent, well-written, vibrant. What else can I say? Well done. There’s no advice that I can give you on how to improve this piece (sorry lol) I can't tell you anything that the other reviewers haven't lol
All I can do is encourage you to keep writing and do your best.
Catnip~
this was so incredible I loved reading it I think you did a great job and it's sort of terrifying at first wondering what the screaming was but I loved how you talked about his pain and his fear I said you did a great job with this it was truly a pleasure to read
Thank you, I an glad you enjoyed my poem so much.
Hey!
OK, I really loved the line :the street lamps outside glowed no light
It makes me think of lamps making things darker instead of lighter, which adds to the eerie atmosphere!! Also, I love the way you described 'the face of evil' it was creepy and gave me goosbumps!
Also, the idea of the banshee just standing there, laughing gives me the creeps! In a good way though!
However, I just don't get why the banshee attacked that man. Maybe you could've added more, like maybe the banshee telling the man why she has come for him, or even if the banshee just said that "you were the first victim of a long line of them" or somthing like that maybe??
Really good though, it's been a long time since I got goose bumps when reading!! I'm glad it finally happened, thanks for that and for writing a great story!!
Hi!
This is a really good, creepy, story. It's long, and you describe the setting really well. The man was described good, too, as well. Also, there were a couple of moments where you misspelled or had wrong grammar, but all, in all, it was great! I also, really enjoy horror, or spooky anything. I'll laugh at my friends when they scream.
Hey there!
The poem as a whole is quite well, but it needs just a little bit of fixing.


The first thing I'd like to say is: "Wow!!". I loved the spooky sense of it.
"There slept a man fast asleep". The repetition here kind of bothered me. Our Prof. would always say: "Don't state the obvious." Therefore, I'd recommend you change the word "slept" to something else, like "was" or anything else you find better. Of course this is only my opinion, so don't bother yourself if you think it's good the way it is.
"The man eyes jumped open" I don't think the word "jumped" goes with eyes, maybe you should check that. There's also an apostrophe missing after "man".
"But there were no sound, only execrable screams,
No sound, only fiendish screams,
But no evil showed its face."
The word "sound" takes a singular verb, so it'd be like this: "But there [was] no sound, only execrable screams," I also think the second "But" would fit better if you changed it to "And".
I quite like the motif you chose, which I believe is "the face of evil", but to be honest I'm not really sure what a motif is. xD
Finally, I'd like to say: "Watch out for grammar and miniature mistakes, and keep up the good work!" I'm a fan of horror stories, poems, movies, you name it!