Published March 18, 2009
Bloom of the Rose
Thy soule the fixt foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if the’other doe.
Thou art a rose to me, a flower
Most serene, yet thy moments are
Thy own, and unto the fading hour
Thou art, my flower, alone.
For when honest love, sweet passion be
Bestowed upon thy tempered hearth,
No love is found returned from thee,
In words or touch, like honey sweet.
Three petals fall and thou sees death, yet
Our rose thrives true with life, crimson
Petals betray truth, the sweet duet
Of bloom and I are nearly spent.
Poor rose, see sad days of sun and rain,
Thine shadow at my side no more,
Thou art left to life, but to live in vain
As flesh to flush be gone again.
For thou would love only the sun, lest
Shadow darken thy dead roses,
Yet true love be both—a cycle blessed
With dawns to dusks in balance met.
And to its own my life is left, heart
Toiled, the skin sick, long loves set forth,
Bloom of innocence in love depart,
Yet hope retained, shelter in my heart.
In end, nature runs her course, dear Rose
Left lone in repose lives no life,
So seek I blossom, free of thine woes,
Lover of life and bloom of the rose.
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The poem has a little stylistic homage to John Donne, thus the Old English and such.
I've found poetry to be a way for me to express myself, a saving grace, unlike any other.
This poem is about a girl and the love she never let bloom.
I would appreciate any and all comments that would be made, I have some
issues with confidence I guess. She shattered my heart.
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140,914 Literary Works • 673,732 Reviews
truly, with my very limited lit background I cant find much fault with this poem at all! i am extremely impressed, especially at your level of writing at your age. My only critique would be to develop a more solid rhyme scheme.
Oh my, John Donne. I love his poem titled 'The Anniversary'.
Brilliant word usage. I don't know how you do it.
Sorry, this isn't a reivew but all I have to say is that I adore this poem. Utter brilliance.
This poem was... spectacular. It's entire aura was that of something that could have very much came from the Shakespeare, the master himself. Old English does seem to be a language lost, but you adapted it smoothly and precisely.
But, unfortunately, I can't see the similarities between the two. You may have to drop a hint.
I love the deepness of this. And though it seems somewhat straightforward, it is a bit esoteric. Good job.
Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody
Dam, it is amazing that anyone can write something in Old English like you can, not many people of today can write like this.
I must say it was really sad to me, in a beautiful way and it was expressed very well.
One thing, soule in the beginning is spelt wrong. But still, very well done!!
This poem was amazing....even though i didn't quite understand all of what you were saying. The whole Shakespearean theme was a good choice for this. This is a very complexly written poem. The rhyming scheme is everywhere though if you have one. Umm.....the stanzas are ok... There is a lot of heartbreak in this poem, but you didn't overplay it. The amount of it you used was perfect. This was overall an amazing poem
Holy mother of God!
This poem! It brought tears to my eyes all five times I read it.
You're obviously an amazing writer, and poetry I've got to say, is your calling for sure.
I agree with Rosey Unicorn that the Old English fits and the theme with the rose was perfect. Absolutely incredible!
Erhalten Sie die erstaunliche Arbeit aufrecht!
(Maintain the astonishing work!)
-Autumn Silence
Wow, did you really do this?
I cannot really find any fault with it. The language, the depth, the flow, the imagery...all were really good. It's really rare to have someone write in old English.
Very good job, you deserve a gold star.
Keep up the good work! ^^
Hola PaperMoon !
Now it's my turn to post something on yours
First of all, I like the way you used the old English language to portray the heartbroken emotion of the narrator. It gives the poem more depth, and meaning. And, like Rosey Unicorn said, I believe poetry is your dominion.
Second of all, some of the stanzas doesn't flow well. I don't really know about poetry, but when I read the poem, something doesn't fit. Or maybe it's just my lack of poetic knowledge.
Overall, this is a good piece ! I can't wait for your other works, and PM me if you post another one !
Hiya PaperMoon!
)
I have one thing to say about this poem: Wow.
Now, so this is an actual review, I must say a bit more on this.
Flow: A good chunk of this had really, really good flow. The first four-line stanza, however, is a bit choppy. I believe you were breaking those lines up for length, but, sometimes some length-flow must be sacrificed for word-flow.
Theme: Very touching here. You can see that the narrator (you, I'm sorry to say) is heartbroken, and the rose theme is so-- perfect. The rose of love, and the capitalization of rose at the end. Absolutely wonderful.
Word Choice: An amazing job. The old English fits. I don't think this would have been achievable with modern English.
*Gold stars work* (that means I really liked it.
This is very nice. I would agree that poetry is your niche. Please let me know when you've posted more!
~Rosey
okay i had a LOT of fun reading this poem, ill start with that. it was so fun to read like i read it in an english accent and everything, and like ballerina said, it totally sounded shakespearean or something. unfortunately it also seemed a bit shakespearean because i have no idea what the heck its talking about. (dont worryk, i recognize that could simply be my ignorance).
and now the part i didnt like: the rhyme scheme was like what the heck? personally anyways. i couldnt follow it if it existed at all. and then the rythm was hard to cope with too. it didtn really flow. like syllables and junk. yea, just didnt work.
overall though, good outweighs bad i liked it
This was extraordinary! It showed depth and emotion. I felt as if I was reading a poem by the great William Shakespeare. I did not find major errors but, the phrasing was...different. Just work on wording your stanza's and yo will be set! Great Job! I can not wait to read more. *Gold Star*