Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayyy, this was a really cool first chapter here, it certainly manages to tick pretty much all the boxes that you expect from one of these and I'm definitely very intrigued by this stories premise. Mysteries like this are one of my favorite things to read about.
Anyway let's get right to it,
I screamed in surprise as the bullet grazed my arm, I was in relief for a moment but it was short lived. The next projectile came with a ferocity as it shot through the air and into my shoulder, it almost seemed to go in slow motion. A screech of agonizing pain left my lips as tears sprung from my eyes and trickled down my cheeks, similar to the red liquid on my now pierced arm. I heard blurred voices in background call my name, the criminal stiffened, a bullet aimed in my direction, then they fled. This would be the start of a long rivalry between my nemesis, my sworn enemy. I fell to the ground, all went black.
Well judging by the italics I'm assuming this is some form of flashback or nightmare here to get things started...and well, it certainly does make for quite an epic start there...you've certainly got something that'll get a reader's attention right off the bat with that description of the feeling of being shot at, if anyone's reading this half asleep, that'll certainly wake you up. And the way this memory/ nightmare is described certainly rings pretty true with how the adrenaline and shock of a situation like this would make you feel. And the description of how its the start of a rivalry is certainly another point that makes this a pretty awesome way to start off a story.
I sat in my office chair, contemplating what to do with my life, and this unusual free time. You see I'm a P.I. Private Eye, as cheesy and cliché as it sounds. My work revolves around, or at least used to revolve round, cases full of criminals and mysteries galore! Now that that new black haired kid with the big eyes moved into the business though, I was sunk at thirty-six years old, absolutely pathetic.
Oh dear, well that's a fun but also a little sad introduction to our main character there, certainly seems like a person that would be quite a cool character, and this is a great little introduction to just give the reader a basic rundown of who they are and what they do, but the way that it ends, you can tell this person is going through some potentially rather tough times and this other person might just actually be some form of nemesis which connects beautifully to that earlier part to introduce lots of mystery. I do wonder why that part is not acknowledged at all though. The transition is a bit awkward without it being acknowledged as a memory or dream or whatever it was.
My fingers travelled under the collar of my gray cotton shirt to my shoulder where that memory, that faded scar lay that I ran my digits across. It was an odd habit really, but it reminded me of the good old days. With all the adrenalin and the constant anxiety that death could be lurking around any corner. You miss that life style after awhile, as crazy as it sounds. It's like a drug, it feels so exciting but yet it's deadly and once you've had a little taste, you can't get enough. I was about to pick up the phone and call my mother to see if our weekly Taco Tuesday was still on, when the phone rang out in its shrill way. This would be the call that changed my perspective on life, and would eventually lead to demise.
Well, finally we have an acknowledgment of the earlier memory. I would still say that having it earlier than this would be a good idea rather than having it be stuffed in at the end here. At any rate, this is a very intriguing ending which I love...the way that there's this very mysterious phone call that is outright said to be the one leading to some sort of potential demise is certainly quite exciting.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a solid start this one, just a couple of minor nitpicky things that I had to point out up there. This is definitely a story that I would follow along with. Aaand that's about all I've gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Anyway, yeah I hoping to be able to sort out the point of views using first and third person later on and going from there with it. The second part of the story is out too if you're interested!
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