The Rest of My Days

This poem just described everything I felt when I was with my exboyfriend. I feel that way with a certain crush I have now. I mean we all have those feelings about being with someone and spending the rest of our lives together, don't we? Marriage. Kids and what their names would be and how many we would have. Growing old. It's all there. I mean some people might not think this now, but we do because it's a dream. American dreams don't have to be extreme. It could just be simple in life. That is life, you know. I adored this poem greatly, and I can't wait to read more. Please keep writing.

It has short, strong stanza's and a great topic. This had my interest as soon as I started to read. I like the that you have a life planned for you. This is a true case of love that won't die out. I think that this it is an interesting perspective on your future. It had great imagery, I could see the two of you in 40 years. It was fun to read.
Keep up the writing!

Hi there, Pan.

This is nice. It's romantic. It's honest, I feel.

But it doesn't make me feel anything. I can feel the honesty, but it's not executed in a way that makes me connect with the narrator in a very deep way.

Let's talk about Ed Sheeran.
Now, I know that lyrics are different than poetry, and that he's a professional song writer, blah blah blah, but he writes about the same subject that you do in his song, "Thinking Out Loud." But he does it in a different way.

Instead of beginning in the present, with the seed of love, he jumps right into when the love has had time to mature. I'm not saying that you should do this, but I'm saying that his emotions right off the bat are stronger.

"when your legs don't work like they used to before" is the first line of the song. Yours is "sometimes I look into your eyes." That's nice, but it doesn't grab my attention because it doesn't give any indication of anything. Of age, of gender, of love. It just is. And as a poet, you should probably start with more emotion. Don't sneak up on the subject. Just get it out there, and say it beautifully.

One way to say it beautifully is to use detailed imagery. Instead of saying "I think of how we'll graduate," you could say, "I think of seeing you across the auditorium,
in solemn robes with a grin on your face
as I cross the platform, shake hands, and descend to your arms." Or something like that.

Altogether, this has nice potential, but it's not quite there yet. I hope you find this useful in some way. Happy YWSing!

Hey, Chris!

I really loved the concept of this, and I adore how you didn't get off track. You kept the rhythm going, you had the correct amount of lines in each stanza, and you didn't let it get dull. It stayed alive throughout the whole poem.

I'd have to say that my favorite part was:

"I imagine my bent form, and your shriveled face

and I think about how our lives will be

and I want to spend the rest of my time with you."

You're talking about your future with this boy, about when you're old together. Your bent form, his shriveled face, I love the imagery playing here. (That is, if you'd count that as imagery.) I really enjoyed the time periods- from when you look at him today, to when you graduate and move in together and get married, to how you'd ever wanted kids but want them now because you're with him, then to when you've grown old together, and finally to when you die with each other (by that, I mean you're still a couple, not literally dying together.)

It's such a touching piece, and even though I'm not capable of crying because I have no soul or emotions, according to you, I still felt like I could cry. I love the story, I love the style, I love everything about this. You did such a great job interpreting two people in love, and I find that admirable.

Amazing job, I'd give it a 1243543456976685/10.

Can't wait to read more of your works! <3

Wow! This poem is so sweet! I love i!

My favorite part:

"I know that I say that I don't want children now,
And I don't think you do either, but I think of you
And I want to spend all of my days with you"

Yes, even if you plan to have children but you don't need to be in a rush cause you want to spend more of your time with your partner

I find the last stanza special because you really love that person and you want to use your last time with that person until death. Its very romantic. I hope I can read more of your work Great job!

hi pan.prithamrittika here for a review.the poem is really very nice.i like the starting:

"Sometimes I look into your eyes

and I think about how you make me feel

and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

these line is nice. the lines are loving and so much romantic.i like the ending of each line of the poem specially the last line "and i want to spend my last day with you". i also like the name of the poem "the rest of my days". the thought of the poem is really very nice.in this poem every line contains a beautiful and nice meaning.so overall i like the poem. keep writing poems like this......

Heya, Pan! I'm here to write a helpful review (hopefully you'll find it helpful).

When I read the first stanza, I was going to correct you on starting two lines with and. However, as I read on I realised that obviously you had done that on purpose (duh, Dracula) and once I picked up on the repetition I actually thought it worked well. It makes the poem seem like a speech that was so important it came out in one breath.

The repetition in wanting to spend the rest of my days with you was clever. I just realised that repetition (how many times have I typed that?) was your main technique. I think you should write more in the same style! It flowed really well and you're just naturally talented at it.

You took me on quite an emotional journey by going through a whole lifetime. You've done a brilliant job.

Personally, I found this poem exceptionally admirable. I for one am not a big poetry fan, but this one is written simply enough that I don't feel as if I need to get out a literature guide to understand it which is the what I enjoy.

I actually applaud the repetition of the lines at the end, it makes it flow a lot better and gives a sense of steady continuing which helps further add to the point you're trying to convey about wanting to spend the rest of your life with this person.

I also enjoyed the length of the poem, it wasn't too short or too long which helped keep my attention but also didn't make me want to read more when there wasn't anything else. I liked the way you make time pass throughout and start with a sort of younger version of yourselves and then end with the passing into death, it makes the poem well rounded and the ending in my opinion is a suitable conclusion which I found very endearing considering what the poem is about.

I feel that the title really suits the poem and your language usage supports the emotions and feelings I think you're trying to evoke in the reader.

Thank you for giving me something positive and enjoyable to start out my usually mediocre, average and rather boring morning with. It was nice to find a poem I actually liked for a change which, after reading the first stanza, MADE me want to read it instead of giving it a skip and finding something else to read.

The poem is really sweet, whoever you may be addressing or were thinking of when you wrote this is very lucky indeed and should treasure what they have.

Personally, I found this poem exceptionally admirable. I for one am not a big poetry fan, but this one is written simply enough that I don't feel as if I need to get out a literature guide to understand it which is the what I enjoy.

I actually applaud the repetition of the lines at the end, it makes it flow a lot better and gives a sense of steady continuing which helps further add to the point you're trying to convey about wanting to spend the rest of your life with this person.

I also enjoyed the length of the poem, it wasn't too short or too long which helped keep my attention but also didn't make me want to read more when there wasn't anything else. I liked the way you make time pass throughout and start with a sort of younger version of yourselves and then end with the passing into death, it makes the poem well rounded and the ending in my opinion is a suitable conclusion which I found very endearing considering what the poem is about.

I feel that the title really suits the poem and your language usage supports the emotions and feelings I think you're trying to evoke in the reader.

Thank you for giving me something positive and enjoyable to start out my usually mediocre, average and rather boring morning with. It was nice to find a poem I actually liked for a change which, after reading the first stanza, MADE me want to read it instead of giving it a skip and finding something else to read.

The poem is really sweet, whoever you may be addressing or were thinking of when you wrote this is very lucky indeed and should treasure what they have.

Aha! This is cute. Want a review? Well, I am here for one!
So, let's start!

This was a really cute poem and I somewhat liked it. I do have some issues which I am gonna address now but please note that everything, I am about to say, is just what I think (and nobody cares what I think. lol) so please don't take it too personally.

1) The repetition of the sentence "and I want to spend the rest of my days with you". Although this sentence, at the end of every stanza, made the poem sound really good and also gave it a cute rhyme but it still is repeated way too many times! You should try changing the words or something - keep it rhyming but with different words to sound/look more professional.

2) The words, starting every sentence, aren't capitalized. I see why you didn't do it but still, it should have been capitalized. That way, it would have look nicer!
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/a-fairy-song/
Have a look at how beatifully William Shakespeare capitalized every starting word of his poem. Try following him sometimes.

3) In the third stanza, if I am not mistaken, you didn't want children but in the fourth stanza, you were talking about having children and even matching their physical appearance with your lover! I mean, think about it. Do you really want children or not?

Overall, I would give it a rating of 7/10. Well written and nicely implemented the idea of how you wanna live and die with your lover! I loved reading it and it was a really good attempt. I liked writing about stuff like these a while ago too so I can relate. haha
Keep writing and I hope to read more of your amazing poems.