Patriotism is one of numerous subjects that can be looked at in a variety of ways. I think patriotism is a way to symbolize your respect of your country and the loyalty you have for it. Whether it be voting, serving in the army, or anything in between, you as a citizen of your country are expected to help out your country in some sort of way. It doesn't matter where you live, how you live, or what you do, you are a part of the country you are a citizen of and you are to represent that country in anyway possible. Your country provides you with things necessary for you to live, and you have to earn those things. Though it may not seem like it to some of us, we help our country on a daily basis. From recycling to protecting our nation, we help out by doing things we may think are absolutely useless, when in reality they do extraordinary things for our country. I think that we are able to change our country by doing things that we already do on a daily basis. This is because if we stand together to change the country we live in, we can accomplish things greater than we could ever imagine. On another note, myself being an American citizen, I understand that this may be hard to do. By this I mean that the circumstances in which you live or something of the sort may make it difficult to do these kinds of things. In the end, patriotism in my mind basically means that no matter what, you shall stay loyal to your country and have respect for the things about your country and all things involving your country, even if you personally don't really care for the things that are happening that involve your country or affect your country in some way. However, there are many more complex and difficult to understand things behind the term of 'patriotism'.
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PeanutPhoebe, here to review!! hey, so I also participated in this essay contest (not this particular topic, but my BFF did) and I know that the word limit is either 300-400 or 300-500, I can't remember which. I do think this needs paragraphs (even tho it's short) and could possibly be longer. This was interesting, but the beginning really needs something else to draw you in. Also, the middle seemed kind of off topic. Overall, tho, you did great, and I wish you luck!! Keep Writing!!
Lady Celestia, the Glorious Knight
First off: as an "essay" I feel this needs multiple paragraphs. However, with the word restriction I don't think that you can pull off a multiple paragraph essay.
So you start off in a nice broad way, but it doesn't draw my attention at all. Your first sentence is pretty boring and standard. these kinds of contests want uniqueness while still exhibiting all the skills it takes to write a clear essay. They want something different. This reads as "yawn."
I think you should scratch the "I think" in the second sentence. You should either say outright "Patriotism is" or say "to me." I'd say the first one though. It is more bold. They like those kinds of things. No one's going to argue with you, and you have to believe whole-heartedly that you. are. right.
Never mind about that first part. I think you do need paragraphs. your first two sentences would make a fine intro even though they're short. Then you need to do two body paragraphs: one about how patriotism symbolizes respect for the country, and one about how patriotism symbolizes the loyalty one has to it. (IMPORTANT: never ever ever speak in second person in an essay. Like, never ever ever in ANY circumstance except direct quotes use the word "you.")
You would need transitions on these paragraphs, and right after those transitions, you need to pretty much write "patriotism symbolizes respect for one's country" and the second body paragraph you write "second, (or other transition) patriotism symbolizes the loyalty one has to their country." Literally rewrite them even though you wrote them up in your thesis (you can use synonyms if you want to).
Then you stick all your wonderful examples behind which ever one they go behind. If you don't think they go behind either of those points, then get some other examples!
Your conclusion is also rather blah.
I really think the most important thing for you to do is remove that second person.
~fortis
... "use the word "you" or the word "we.""
and only in essays where you state your personal opinion or relate an experience can you use "I"
Not too sure about that last point...