Deleted by author.

Everyone had stood still completely shocked. "Well, well." Said Lance breaking the silence. "It's a good thing shadow wasn't around to hear this." Thought raiku. "Gahahahahahahahaha!" Shadow did his signature laugh. "What was that?" Thought raiku. Shadow suddenly appeared in front of them all. "Gahaha!" He laughed even more. "Speak of devil." Said raiku aloud. "I can't believe you fell for a human, it's so pathetic! Gahahaha!" Said shadow picking on raiku. "S-S-Shutup!" Ordered raiku while blushing. "Ahhh!" Screamed LiLi. "It's a Monster!" she said pointing at shadow. "Awww, now ya don't gone and hurt my feelings." Joked shadow. She picked up a golden cross off a wooden table and held it in his face. "Be gone!" She said. Shadow blinked and asked "Was that suppose to kill me?" she screamed again. While we cut to the outside of the house, you can hear raiku and lance trying to calm her down, whilst shadow was still laughing. Later, raiku and lili explained to lance and shadow how they met, over a campfire in the forest. "Well, you see it all started 8 years ago." Said raiku beginning the flashback story. 8 years ago, in the fire village at "Lee's School for gifted swordsman" Lee flamer is introducing a new student to the young and amateur swordsmen. "This is Lili walker. She will be training here for now on." Announced lee. "A girl? What a twist!" said the young boys. "Actually we already have a female here as well" said lee pointing at Olivia. "Oh we forgot" They all said. "I'll knock you all down." Said Olivia cracking her knuckles and glaring at them. All the boys got back and trembled in fear. "Wait a minute, I thought this was supposed to be training for swordsmen, not swordswomen!?" Said class clown badeek. Olivia picked the little boy up and began to shake him violently. "You think your funny don't you?" she said glaring at him. "Put me down you psycho!" Ordered badeek. She began to strangle him. "I'll show you a psycho; I've had it up to here with your stupid jokes!" Said Olivia about to snap. "Help, she's trying to kill ME!" cried badeek. While his sister was busy strangling badeek, and everyone else trying to get her off him, raiku looked at the girl and began to see her true beauty. "What is this strange feeling I'm getting towards her?" raiku asked himself in his thoughts. LiLi looked back at him and he turned away. She walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around slowly. "Y-Yes?" he asked. "Hi, my name's LiLi, what's yours?" she asked. "I'm R-R-Raiku Ryodan, nice to meet you" he said while holding out his hand. She shaked it and smiled. "Nice to meet you too" she said. *Flashback end* …And that's how we met. Said raiku finishing his flashback story. Lance and shadow looked at eachother and then back at raiku and LiLi. "The story would've been better if it had some action in it." Said shadow picking his nose. "Why you son of a…!" replied raiku getting angry. "Now, now why don't we all just calm down here and talk this over?" lance suggested. "Allright, then" said raiku turning to LiLi. She looked at him and waited for him to say something. "I love you with all my heart and soul, ever since the day I first laid eyes on you." Raiku finally said to her. She blushed and looked the other way. Both lance and shadow gasped. "Let's leave these two alone shall we?" Whispered lance getting up and leaving. "R-Right" said shadow getting up and following him. Raiku saw that they had left and continued talking to Lili. "So, do you feel the same way about me?" he asked her. "Yes I do she replied smiling. He turned her head towards his and gazed into her eyes. "I have one more question for you" He said. "What is it?" She asked with her face turning completely red. "Would you like to be my Soul mate?" He asked. There was a moment of silence and then. "Yes I would" She answered. Raiku gasped and then smiled. He then kissed her slowly. She closed her eyes and kissed him back. We cut to the moon as it glows ever so bright on this lovely night. "Well, isn't that cute? It seems those two have become a couple." Said lance looking down from a nearby tree while smiling. "Wouldn't you agree Mr.Tempist?" asked lance as he looked at shadow. Shadow did not answer; he just stared at the two. "Oh no this is REALLY bad." Shadow thought.

I suggest you separate your story with paragraphs when appropriate, people really don't like looking at a wall of text, especially when it's a story as long as this one. Also, I don't think that many capital words is necessary, and you only need one question mark per question. Not sure what made most of your quotation marks and apostrophes ???'s either.

One last thing: you've got random capitalization in a few places:

...*said *Raiku finishing his sentence and appearing behind Saki *and *beheading him. (names, places, organizations, words at the beginning of sentences, etc. should be capitalized, everything else is lower case)

Quite honestly, this needs a lot of work. Perhaps you should study other stories and try to learn styles of writing? Just reading books is how I learned a lot of the things I know about writing.

I apologize if I sound harsh.