Published June 24, 2010
We are all so different.
Yet we are all so the same.
We live in this world.
And we all feel the pain.
We see things differently.
Through our own eyes.
Some see rainbows and butterflies.
And then there are the people like me.
That are just plain scared and terrified.
That don't know what to do and don't know when.
Sometimes i wish i could be more like them.
I need to stop sulking and feeling bad for myself.
And just keep my head up, look on the brightside,
and look at the good things in this life.
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141,357 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
I dont plan to do much with my writing, I joined because my friend told me to.
I really dont like to write, really at all. But my friend says i could do better with practice.
I really dont think i could. i know nothing about poetry, or writing.
But thanks for reviewing and the help,, i will work on my skills more.
- Paige
I think that this could be better... I like the theme. I think that you should write the second stanza differantly, I had trouble getting it when I was reading it. You should also CAP the "i"s. In some places that you put pireods you should put camus, like after "world" in the third stanza and after "differently" in the fourth. I hope this helps... I'm not really that good at reviews, so...
Ok I really love this poem, but there are a few things you should work on.
The first thing I noticed is that you used the word "so" twice in the first two lines. And those lines could be one sentance like this,
"We are all so different,
yet we're all the same."
Same with the next two lines. Mabye,
"We all live in this world,
we all feel the pain."
The next two lines are ok but they could be worked with a bit, but I don't have a suggestion for them.
"Some see rainbows and butterflies.
And then there are the people like me."
Acceptible? Yes, but it could flow much better.
"That don't know what to do and don't know when."
When what?
"Sometimes i wish i could be more like them."
Capitilize the I's.
Just work with it a bit, read it aloud and listen to the pauses. I love this poem, and it's a great first post. Welcome to YWS!
Hey. This is a good poem. It has a good story and meaning to it, and it is not too long. I like how you talk about the butterflies, then say that you aren't like that. It has a good effect when on the reader. What I do want to say though, is that you don't have much of a rhythm. It makes the poem seem a bit choppy instead of smooth and flowing. But it is a good effort. PM me if you have any questions, or just want me to review something else. I'll be happy to have a look at it.
To PaigeAteYourCookie, my name is CaptianRandom, there are a few things I don't like about this poem.
First it seems like a chunk of writing, I think it needs more space between writing. Also there are full stops at the end of each line. But most of all you need to stop talking and start taking action, don't just say you should, say you WILL!!!
-CaptianRandom