Young Writers Society

Hi there Page! Glad to review today.

I loved the very first question, and frankly, I thought most of what you went onto was great too, in fact, I just wanted a little more! With that said here are my corrections.

(I'm not sure how this works with the new website so I am just going to put corrections in [brackets]... No colors )


At first I thought they flowed down a stream[,]
[w]ith everyone else's dream[.]
But then I thought[I like an elipsis here... Could just be me]
That would be silly[!]
How would they keep them apart[?]
For all the dreams would merge into one.

So then I figured[,]
[m]aybe they just fall to the floor[.]
And when it's opened[,] they fly out the door[;]
With a wiz and a whoosh[,]
[n]ever to be dreamt again[.]

So yeah.... The biggest thing is just punctuation. Just remember that poems need punctuation too! Line breaks are not meant to be act like a comma, so put the comma in. I loved how lighthearted and fun this was, even though it still managed to propose a fairly serious question. It makes people think and that is awesome. I do think it needs more but it is a great start!

~HostofHorus