Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this is quite the piece here, a very peaceful work on one side of a family just living their life in what appears to be a rural village, a simple life but what appears to be a happy and fulfilling one. But then of course a powerful little showing of a truly horrifying scenario to end on there.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

I squinted my eyes as I peeked down the row of corn, watching the sky to the north for rain. Once a growl of thunder shattered above my head, I walked to the end of the line of corn and stood whistling with the wind, gently gazing around at the quiet, eerie feel of the storm. The dance of rainy shadows hopped along the grasses, and my flannels flew out from behind me, briskly catching on the closest stalk.

A blade of grass tickled the side of my foot, and the leaves of corn rustled together where their long stems attached. I peered around the corner and spoke softly with the wind, with casual empathy and admiration. My hand outstretched itself towards the field in front of me.

Oooh some interesting little description there to kick us off. I think that's a nice little, really touches quite nicely on what the atmosphere surrounding this person is like and what kind of area this person happens to be in at the moment.

I stepped forward and the dead grass crunched under my feet like crispy leaves slowly flattening from a shoe stepping on them. Once I reached the top of the hill, I threw my arms back and smiled as the wind blew my pants tighter around my legs, and my hair whispered behind me.

My world changed every day, as the seasons morphed one to the next, as critters hibernated in the winter and returned again in the summer, as leaves clothed the trees with beauty in spring and stripped them bare and naked in autumn. I evolved with this world. With every changing season and every golden tree alive or dead, I lived.

Well this little perspective here is getting more and more intriguing as we continue on here, dipping into some interesting notes here and there as we carry on quietly describing the land around this person and the way it changes.

I awakened to my thoughts pensively fluttering through my mind as I stood gracefully on the hill. Gently with care, I reached my hands up towards my face and brushed them through my hair, feeling the curls to the sides of my head. I smiled, reaching my hands towards the stormy skies overhead. As I looked down over the frontier village and softly rose my gaze upwards, connecting my eyes with forests, distant farms, and then mountains, with peaks unseen and covered with hazy blues, I sighed to myself and crossed my hands tightly over my heart.

“One day,” I promised quietly, “I will go there.”

For a few short moments, I gazed deeply at the horizon, following my eyes to the glassy pond to the north. It was like glass, perfect glass, without a crack or smudge, reflecting the trees and sky above it. Again, thunder cracked overhead.

Hmm well the longer we go on the more it seems this isn't the most human of perspectives and it really makes for a very interesting view here I think. You've done a lovely job putting all of that together.

Deep inside, a battle raged. Above me, thunder cracked, and lightning sizzled across the sky, but the rain had already begun to fall inside. All seemed content around me. But my thoughts were a contradiction. My heartstrings became taut and ached as the thunder reverberated in my soul. It was like furious waves that threw themselves against my chest. I battled to focus on the beauty and forget the pain.

Shadows deepened on the edges of the world, although it was only mid-morning. Watching the rain coming in from the north, I walked down the hill, away from the fields and towards the village.

Thoughts passed through my mind of my family, of my brother, my closest companion, my mother, the hardworking, gentle soul who cared daily for us, and my father, who constantly worked away in the city but was home visiting for a short while.

Hmm oh this is interesting, it seems we are gravitating back to a more human perspective with that grounding that you receive of the little description of a family forming there. I think that was quite neatly done.

As I approached our house, Henry popped out from the back door and walked towards me. He was wearing shorts but no shoes, and his feet were scratched from years of walking barefoot. I smiled at him and held out my arms, still shaking.

“What is it, brother,” I asked him, cocking me head slightly to see him but to also watch the incoming storm.

He looked at me for a moment, before opening his mouth to crack a smile at me. His weathered hair looked still quite untethered, and his face was tanned as the morning sun. A glimmer of light shone through the stubble lining the sides of his face, a bare sickle of light against the darkness.

Hmm this is an interesting little interaction here, its both comforting and warm and at the same time just ever so slightly inhuman too. Its hard to place exactly where this gesture is going here.

He placed his hand firmly on my shoulder and responded,

“I can tell you want to go see what’s out there, to the netherworld.” I nodded,

“You’re right.”

He walked over and slid his long arm over my shoulders as we walked up onto the porch together. The warmth and energy flowing from his body warmed me, despite the whirling wind and storm churning overhead.

We sat down on the bench on the porch, and both looked ahead, beyond the few other houses scattered alongside ours, and out to the endless grasses westward and the ribbon of trees towards the south. I sighed wishfully, unable to process my emotions, and tucked my flannels securely around my legs, preventing them from blowing around in the wind.

Well despite the slight note of almost inhuman coldness you can sense a bit of a family connection too and something a little more approaching of a gentle presence that they draw comfort in each other from.

Henry leaned back beside me and playfully fingered my curls, his right hand still rested on my shoulders. I leaned in towards him to shelter from the wind, though he was not much larger than me, but definitely a father figure for most of my life.

“I finished the morning chores,” I said quietly, without looking over at him. His arm slid down my back and up again, congratulating me without a word. Then, I looked up at him, and looked across his rugged face and up into his beautiful hair. It was wavy, black, and sleekly handsome, from the wind blowing through it. It cascaded in a silky mass midway down his neck, then breaking into a ribbon of curls pointing outward. He looked straight ahead, flexed eyes locked on the horizon, emanating a strong masculine energy. My body tingled. He remained stoic, his figure resembling countless adventures.

Hmm definitely creating a really powerful sense of their relationship through all of these descriptions telling us both of how they view each other now and also a little of the past that they share.

“We should ask father to take us with him to the city when he leaves again,” Henry spoke, finally breaking his gaze and igniting a spark of further interest in my thoughts. His right arm slid down my back and he pulled me tighter to him, cradling my body powerfully. I hadn’t thought about it, at least I never considered asking him for any other favors.

“But brother,” I questioned him timidly, “I’m not sure if that would be too much to ask of him. He may not appreciate me asking him for anything else. You know, it’s already expensive for him to live in the city…”

“Well, we’ll see about it,” he answered.

Hmm this is an interesting little question to pose there about the two of them who clearly seem to both be interested in getting out into the world at this point. I love the way that it is discussed in this moment.

I stood up from the bench and walked off the porch, ruminating on his thoughts, and my greater doubts. Could that be too much to ask of him? But who could tell unless we did ask him?

I felt a raindrop pierce through my hair and land on my scalp, serenating me mentally awake again. On this opposite side of home, the land was always barren, no soul ever seen on the edge of the village. Our house symbolized the end of pockmarked homes scattered between grasses and sparse trees. Here, on the edge of my village and life, I saw the once glassy pond become dotted with pebbles of rain, and lightning flash across the sky with brilliant geometry.

There was no way Henry could persuade father to take us away with him, though it was a beautiful thought. I wishfully thought of what secrets might lie beyond the reach of those mountains, but on the inside, I wished to stay at home in the protection of my village too.

Well it looks like an interesting little thought to consider now of how this reaction is going to the potential success of that request and especially conflicting feelings there that maybe staying behind needs to happen too.

I turned the corner to the front of the house and passed over crushed rocks and stones which made a rough path from the dirt road running like a strip through the center of the village. Slowly, I walked up to the front porch, to escape from becoming too wet from the rain.

Inside, mother was dishing breakfast from the cookstove. Once she noticed me coming inside, she asked,

“Raven, go to the attic and bring a jar of honey for breakfast.”

I turned and walked around the corner separating the living room from the hallway and stopped once I reached the stairs. Stepping lightly on each one to prevent from straining them, I slowly made my way up to the top. I walked to the farthest wall and bent over to pick up a jar of honey from the basket.

Well this is all going rather swimmingly here for the moment, looks to be like we're dealing with a fairly cohesive little family unit that seems to get along well despite all these other dreams that they seem to share.

The smell of chamomile and vanilla rose heavily in the air, as mom poured cups of tea into separate mugs for us. Steam curled around her slender hands, her eyes watering from their contact with it.

Our wooden table was nicely set with a red tablecloth, whose colors were dim from the poor light coming from outside. Father and Henry sat together near the stove. I slipped into the seat nearest Henry and set the honey down in the middle of the table.

A loaf of homemade bread and freshly churned butter laid untouched in front of father, and mom slid a plate of sunny side up eggs onto the corner of the table. Candlelight shimmered over the room, dancing across the red tablecloth to the eggs and honey. Henry’s face peeked in and out of darkness, ebbing along with the candlelight’s dance.

Well looks like everyone's sitting down nicely to a family breakfast that's all prepared from the thing they get around the house. Its a really beautiful little vibe to get us started here on this conversation.

Father spoke, “Since it is raining, mom will churn butter today, and you two can help me on a project.” He reached his hand behind Henry’s chair and tapped the back of my shoulder. I leaned forward and looked at him, giving him an affirmative nod.

I continued looking at him, his soft movement, lined with compassionate explanation. He was telling Henry a story from town, yet he looked over and motioned for me to join. His eyes locked with mine, sending a rush of oxytocin through my body.

As mom sat down at the table, thunder growled outside, and the room became momentarily brighter from the flashing lightning. I took from the platter and began eating, both eating and listening to the wind howling outside the walls.

Well looks like a typical rainy day for the village and so they're planning out what to be doing in that, and it seems its creating for quite the little atmosphere around this house right now.

Rain peppered the sides of our house as the rest began dishing out their own food. Slowly, the candle shone brighter and brighter, signaling darkness falling heavier outside.

“You will help me repair leaks in the house,” father continued speaking of his plans, “since I will be leaving soon, I want to repair as many as possible.” I looked over at the floor behind the stove and a puddle was forming there, slowly becoming larger as the rain kept scouring the walls.

I thought of our neighbors, isolated in the rain. The blacksmith was probably forced to close his shop. And, most likely, no one was interested in getting clothes altered in the rain, so Murie Sewing was closed also.

Hmm well yeah that seems like quite a productive thing to be doing, although that's an interesting touch there to think of the village and how those little establishments must now be suffering because of the rain flowing through.

Father started talking to all of us about his life in the city, many miles away from here. I put down my fork and listened intently as he explained the bustle and day-to-day tasks that accompanied living in the city.

He spoke of waking early to catch the bus to work and living next-door to another family who often visited amusements in the city, although this lifestyle was too rich for father to lead.

I picked up my fork again. I was the only one who wasn’t finished eating.

Henry Anderson

“Enough,” Raven choked, “yours is better than mine.”

Hmm this is an interesting moment, I mean seeing these little stories and the comparisons of the gaps that exist between the people in the village and the people in the town with money is one thing but that sudden little statement came a little out of nowhere there.

His shiny, metal bicycle dripped in the wind, alongside the spigot nearest the front. I bent down, crunching my soles into gravel, crushing it more and more. Peppered leaves dotted the gravel path leading away from home, covered in slick water droplets falling ever slowly. Never, never was there enough rain.

My cloth spun once more, grazing the side of the bicycle with polish. I quickly glanced over it one more time to make sure no tarnish remained.

“Let’s go,” Raven called, lifting his right leg over the bar onto the pedal. He squeaked and crunched ahead, leaving me alone, polish still in hand. I stared at him, watching the enthusiasm.

“You coming?” he called out, turning back.

Hmm this is a bit of an interesting almost skip in the scene there, I feel like either something got deleted somewhere or there was a skip in the time that did not transfer over.

“Yes, just let me put this away.” I shuffled toward the porch and set the cloth and tub of polish down, then walked back towards my bicycle. I grabbed the handlebars and swung on, starting with a squeak myself.

Rain and wind pelted my face as I moved towards him, or rather, away from him. His wheels spun like fan blades, exercising out of speed until they become one moving piece. My legs cranked hard, but the gap widened. I noticed I was beginning to feel drops of water falling from my hair and trickling down my back, reminding me of the weather.

But my legs kept cranking ahead of me, and slowly I caught up with him, realizing he had already tired himself out.

Hmm well it looks like things are getting ready for a bit of a journey there. You can sense a lot of tension and anticipation coming up in that and its really creating itself a powerful point there.

I pulled beside him and looked at my speedometer. I pedaled faster, watching the red needle waver slightly, but settling to a docile seven.

“Raven,” I spoke over the wind, “this is what it’s like to leave home.” He remained quiet, lifting his arm to scratch the side of his head. “It’s work,” I spoke again.

“But why not do it,” he cracked over, “I thought you’d like this.”

“Sure, I do. But you haven’t seen anything yet.”

His bicycle began to spin out of rhythm with mine again, spinning ahead like a tumbleweed barreling beyond reach. I flexed my legs, white knuckling on the handlebars.

Well this is getting a little bit tense there, looks like a slight overestimation of ability or underestimation of the challenge but either way the perseverance is going in quite good.

I continued along the road, without varying my constant speed. He fluctuated considerably, but I would catch up with him again. He would eventually be tired.

Sure enough, I found myself in sync with him once more, matching his speed and rhythm, without ever changing mine. Steadily, I kept up. How did this happen? My speed never varied. I looked down at the speedometer which still showed a seven.

I slapped his shoulder, curving in almost too much. He swerved, avoiding a crash.

“Listen, Raven,” I told him seriously, “how long are you planning on going for?” The dirt road of the village had become tall grasses what felt like hours ago. I angled my wheels against the grass, looking back from where we came, but saw nothing.

Well it certainly looks like Raven here is just not about to start believing in the concept of giving up anytime soon which is great for them but you do have to hope they'll be a bit careful how this goes down given the weather steadily worsening.

Lightning shot through the sky, illuminating it for a brief instant, followed by a loud crack that echoed across the prairie. My hair was dripping heavily, and my clothes were soaked to the skin.

I spun back into path with him, waiting for a response.

“I’d like to see what is on the other side of that mountain. You know…”

I interrupt, “Which one? The one over there? No… it’s too dangerous….”

He nodded, ignoring what I was about to say, and, without waiting for any approval, pedaled ahead. I coughed into the misty rain, choking on my saliva, my throat burning inside my chest. He disappeared down a hill ahead of me, urging me to follow closely behind. I pedaled faster, much faster, throttling the speedometer to fifteen. The grasses became thinner, and the ground gently began sloping downward. I gazed up at the mountain ahead. But my heart started beating against itself, sending signals of danger. It was getting darker, fast. I didn’t like what I felt.

Oh that is not good, that is not good. The second you ignore the signs of danger in a scenario like this and then go for the glory moment is when it all starts to rapidly fall apart.

I leaned forward and pedaled down the gentle slope, moving ahead as the wind whistled against my sides. The wind was intense; murder lined its breath. I felt zombified, leaning against the wind, fighting insanity that flooded my mind all of a sudden, Then, something made me look up westwards, and I saw a finger poking downwards, reaching towards the ground. Purple, green, and orange clouds swirled against it, curling up against the spinning mass. I froze, a loss of feeling sinking to my feet.

My feet dropped over the bicycle, and my heart grew cold, literally. The sun became totally obscured and darkness settled over the prairie. I watched as the finger touched the ground, spewing a fountain of weeds and dust upwards.

That is not looking too great, we're getting a little almost abstract here and we're also about to be in what looks to be quite a serious collision, things are destined for some pain here.

I looked back straight ahead, feeling suspiciously pre-heart attack. I could barely see anything, but one voice echoed loudly in my head—my little brother’s.

I gripped the handlebars, forcing myself to pedal ahead, knowing that I couldn’t see anything. Numbness settled in my arms, creeping up to my shoulders and back. My feet went around and around in a circular motion, visions of death plaguing my thoughts.

I glanced over in the darkness, looking for the twister. Through the haze, I saw it twisting, rolling, moving towards me. I leaned against the handlebar, and pedaled, faster, faster. I couldn’t turn back now, or I’d be a dead man, for sure.

Well it seems we've gotten ourselves into something of a pedal for one's life situation here which given the previous couple of paragraphs is not surprising with the weather only getting worse and worse too.

The wind blew intensely, whistling in and out of my ears, and then I heard a scream, a scream I could tell coming from ahead. It was muffled, but I was sure it was loud. My heart raced; I knew what it was.

For mid-morning, the sky was almost black, thunderclouds rolled overhead, suppressing the wind on all sides. My heart had dropped to my feet. Sickened, I rode ahead.

The ground beneath me had begun to feel rocky, making it more difficult to pedal. But I pushed on. Images of my parents, my little brother, and our collie flashed through my head. Would I ever see them again? I turned my head and looked to the west. The tornado was close, frighteningly close.

Well that's never the greatest moment, when things are getting so bad that you're starting to have your life quite literally flash before you eyes. I must say you're doing a wonderful job of building up this here tension.

I jolted upwards, stuck on a rock outcropping ledge. My back wheels spun over and over, forbidding me to move ahead. Frustrated, I yanked the handlebars towards my face, and the bike jumped upwards, almost throwing me from the seat. I held tight, and rode along a few more yards, shaking in fear.

I hit a bump in the rock, and fell off the bicycle, landing on my right thigh. I winced in pain, but the tornado was closer than ever before. I grimaced and pulled myself to my feet, sliding on a face of disgust.

The wind blew stronger now, strong enough to knock me off my feet. I tried to jump on my bike, but the wind knocked it out from under me. Tears of anger sprung in my eyes, but I hit myself. I watched it billowing towards me, maniacally thinking of flirting with death. This was madness. Then, instinct forced a wave through my body…

Oooh this is not going well, getting knocked off the bike on to of all that feels like maybe a sort of good thing to not have the danger of getting flung off but then moving on foot through a storm isn't exactly a cakewalk.

I started running, throwing my arms ahead of me. At least the wind was moving with me. I couldn’t tell what I was about to step on, but I didn’t even care. All I could think about was my brother.

All of a sudden, my feet landed on air. I pitched forward, headfirst, flipping down into darkness. The world went black, totally black. I catapulted headfirst downwards, who knew how deep. My heart lodged in my throat, preventing me from breathing, and thousands of pricks ached my head.

I hit another ledge and my feet came back under me momentarily. I gagged, wondering if I was dying. I belted out a scream, choreographing the disheartening sound of a haunted echo. My body slammed against a stone, landing in a heap on my side.

Yup well, there we go. The only logical action going to run and try and look for the brother but naturally that really isn't about to just happen not in the middle of a tornado of all things.

I hurt. I was barely conscious, I heard nothing. It was eerily quiet. I moaned, and I heard myself repeated many times back to me. I saw angels, maybe in heaven. Who could tell? Was I even alive?

As I lay there in that dark abyss, pain coursing through my body, I couldn’t help but reflect on the events that had led me to this terrifying moment. The decision to follow my brother, the storm that had descended upon us, and now this treacherous fall into the unknown depths below. Was this the end of my journey, or the beginning of a new, unforeseen chapter? Only time would tell.

The world beyond the storm was an enigma, and I found myself in the heart of it, fighting for survival, and hoping against hope that I would live to see another day. The darkness pressed in around me, but I clung to the dim flicker of hope that burned deep within my heart.

You can see all the disorientation kicking in there as Raven starts to now just accept the fact that his fate really is no longer within his control, it all at the mercy of this storm and what it deems fit to do.

As my consciousness teetered on the edge of oblivion, I whispered a silent prayer for my family, for Raven, and for the strength to endure whatever challenges lay ahead. And then, with a final, desperate breath, I surrendered to the darkness, ready to face whatever awaited me in this new and uncertain world.

Raven Anderson

I rolled over on my side, enveloped in darkness. Inky jets of black dye oozed through my pupils, dilating them until colors seemed to be everywhere. I moved my head in all directions and saw nothing but darkness pressing heavily on my eyeballs. I never knew that eyeballs could hurt so much.

Ahh you're describing this pain and disorientation really well here, just the suffocating feeling of helplessness coming in there and really showcasing how little he can do in this situation.

That’s when I realized something else was hurting too. My lower back was aching, sending buzzes of pain throughout my body. I tried to move my legs upwards, but they remained pinned, held down tightly by the bicycle wheel. Any strength I had to fight it vanished from my body.

Thoughts began flipping through my head, reminding me of my unacknowledged truth: that no one knew where I was. I didn’t even know where I was. Where was my brother? I thought of my parents at home, and prayed they were safe. But they were worried sick, I was sure of it.

AHh the next stage of it all once the acceptance that nothing can be done is reached just reaching back and thinking on those memories and the people who are going to be waiting for you.

I reached down and touched the ground beneath me, running my hand across the coarse surface until my fingers could explore no further. The texture reminded me of gravel but on a much finer scale than the gravel back home. I scooped up a handful, allowing it to trickle through the gaps between my fingers.

Eerily, my body remained calm, among other anomalies of my situation. Yet, in rhythm with my heart, thuds beat against my skull loudly, almost erecting it from position. A surge of anger and frustration washed over me, insanity billowing as heat from my ears. Then I became hot all over, maddened at my situation. I wasn’t born to live in a dark hole.

Oh dear well this is interesting, going a little bit past that stage of being simply accepting of the fate and worrying about others and having almost a vengeful nature against well nature that is doing this.

I couldn’t hear if Henry come to this pit too, for I was unconscious. I would have to wait around to see what happened. My mind pitched back to getting caught in the funnel triangle, edging the bridge of a new life, mourning the death of another, and abducting my ties to both, finding the common.

These crossroads intersected too many times. I felt around me, at the synchronicity happening again. My mind’s eye flooded with triangles. And a new wave of triangle, encapsulating my feelings once more. What would I do?

Five, four, three, two, one… I silently counted down in my mind, the numbers barely escaping as a whisper. My knees scraped against the gravel, resulting in torn pants. They folded beneath me, providing support for me to rise. The bicycle landed on the rocky ground with a metallic scrape, resonating with a rattling echo.

Looks like that's maybe that adrenaline kicking in a little as he gains some degree of strength to try and fight back and try to go somewhere with this despite how horrible and hopeless this situation feels at the moment.

I wobbled to my feet, holding my hand out to reach for support. My hand landed on a rough surface, one that I deciphered to be chiseled rock. I stood still for a moment, sliding my hand across the surface as far as I could without moving my feet. There was a small rivet in the rock, and I could tell a bend followed it closely ahead. I closed my eyes to block out the darkness. I couldn’t see anything, anyway.

Soft shards of gravel folded around my shoes as I walked towards the bend in the wall. There was absolutely nothing I could see ahead of me, except that a sliver of light emerged above. Captivated, I left the wall and walked blindly outward, hoping to see more light. My walking was slow, for I knew not what I might run into.

Once again really love this description here, its doing an amazing job of really selling how desperate and dangerous this situation is and what this person must go through to try and overcome it.

I peered up and saw more light, except it failed to reach down to me. I leaned as far as I could without slipping into the puddle that was forming around my feet. Faintly overhead, I could hear the sounds of rain talking. In an eerie voice, the wind crested around my body, tingling me with chilly sensations.

I could hardly hear anything except my breathing, pulsing in and out of my chest and exiting through my open mouth. My heart beat inside my chest, sending aching throbs up to my ears and neck.

I wondered how to get out. Could I get out?

Ahh the desperation and now just that pain in the voice is really telling there, things just not working out good for him as he's trying his best to find some sort of salvation here.

My father always told me I was safe in the country. Safe from most things, but what about this? Wasn’t this a danger? I couldn’t have planned for this, no matter how wild my imagination had been.

Raindrops began pelting the right side of my face. For a moment, I remained standing still, allowing the rain to slide down my cheek onto the collar. I stood there in a trance, forgetting my surroundings for a moment, traveling back through time in my thoughts.

I realized the right side of my shirt had become wet, and my shoes alike. I decided to move away and head back into the darkness.

Hmm well the sheer shock again is just really well done, I'm kind of running out of things to say this part to be honest, we're just having that same feeling come across through each movement that's made here.

I reached both hands out in front of me, hoping to feel any obstacles before I ran into them. My arms shook and I gulped a breath of chilly air. Gravel crunched beneath my feet. I had no idea where my bicycle or bags were because I didn’t see where I left them.

I realized my mouth had become quite dry, and I had no water to drink. Yet, I was more concerned about finding my brother. I turned and began walking in another direction, I couldn’t tell which. I tried to ignore my throbbing headache, my painful back, and dry mouth and focus on finding him.

Love the way that finding the brother is the main driving force behind it all and that's what's generating most of this adrenaline fueled need to do something and get somewhere, really shows the love there.

Time seemed to lose all meaning as I pressed forward, one hesitant step at a time. The weight of the darkness pressed upon me, and I couldn’t help but feel a growing sense of isolation. I was alone, lost in an underground labyrinth, with no way of knowing which direction would lead me to safety.

My dry mouth and parched throat served as a constant distraction. I longed for a sip of water to quench my thirst, but there was none to be found in this desolate place. The sensation of thirst gnawed at me, a physical discomfort that mirrored the emotional turmoil I was experiencing.

Ahh these words just get better and better here as the situation gets more and more desperate and I am loving it so far xD. I think you're doing a wonderful job steadily making it slip worser and worser.

I kept walking ahead, my arms reached out ahead of me, feeling nothing for some time. My thoughts floated back to earlier this morning, sitting on the porch with Henry, eating breakfast with the family, and the bike ride. I thought of the years I wanted to go to the city with father, and the tales he told when he came back home for a visit.

Suddenly, my hands touched on a jagged rock ahead, and my heart jumped. I saw a light ahead, I blinked, and it vanished. I stared into the darkness until it became violet, and I closed my eyes again. Then I saw black.

The rock went up farther than I could reach, and I slowly followed it around a corner. The gravel became uneven, and I began to fall backwards, but I threw myself forward to break the fall. My hand landed on a rock that sliced my forefinger, and blood began trickling down onto my hand. I pinched the wound with my other fingers, hesitantly moving forward. I continued with open eyes ahead hoping to see the light again. But as I continued, I wondered if what I had seen wasn’t real.

Well our boy is really pushing past the limits now, just reaching absolute limits as blood starts to get involved as well in the pure desperation of just wanting nothing more than to get out.

I began feeling a trickle of water surrounding my feet, which soon became a foot or more of water swirling around. I stepped back quickly to avoid getting soaked.

I knelt down by the water, cupped my hands, and took a sip. It was the most refreshing drink I had ever tasted, and it rejuvenated my weary body and spirit. As I drank, I offered a silent prayer in gratitude.

With newfound energy, I stood up and moved around. The pond extended far beyond what I could feel, its dimensions shrouded in the darkness. But I knew that I couldn’t stay here indefinitely. I had to continue my journey, in the hopes of finding an exit from this underground labyrinth, and hopefully, my brother.

Well looks like there's a small tiny spark of hope here in the fight to try and get out of this, although of course given how painful it all sounds I wonder if maybe its already a little too late, thinking of course of that title as well.

Taking a deep breath, I whispered words of encouragement to myself and stepped away from the pond. The darkness still enveloped me, but now I had a glimmer of hope to guide me. I would keep moving forward, one step at a time, driven by the indomitable spirit of survival and the unwavering love for my family.

My feet sprung ahead, moved by the flicker of hope inside. One thought echoed in my deepest core: I’m only a teen: I can’t die now. My step lighted, and I forged ahead, facing all my fear.

I moved ahead, quickening my pace yet more until I realized this pit may not be as large as I had perceived. I slowed it down, and listened closely. Suddenly, I heard the sound of rustling skirts from behind me. I gasped, and listened closely, folding me ear towards it. Paused in position, I sat down, shaken.

Oooh that's an interesting bit of a noise to hear there, I wonder what that could possibly mean. Its going further and further from being a landscape we can fully understand and process now really showcasing how far he's slipping away here.

My body trembled, and I fought my instincts. I remained still, listening. I wanted to run, but I couldn’t see, so either way would be as good as remaining still.

I glanced behind me, terrified. But nothing was back there, at least that I could see. But unless it glowed, of course I wouldn’t see it. My eyes couldn’t comfort me at all.

I folded my arms around my body, contracting into the fetal position. Afraid of making any audible noises, my breath subconsciously became shortened, forbidding most oxygen from entering my mouth. My lips pressed together and I swallowed dramatically, suddenly feeling a hot flush set me on fire. Blood sizzled in my head, and steam seemed to flow from my ears.

AHh well here it is I think, once its all come to a head there, just the final moment to relax and just accept what's going to happen as things are finally a little too far gone.

The world outside, the familiarity of my family, and the comforts of home felt like distant memories. I huddled in the oppressive darkness, my senses overwhelmed by the journey I had undertaken. I grappled with emotions and sensations. The very essence of my existence seemed to teeter on the edge of despair and hope. In this abyss, where reality and delusion had blurred together, I was confronted with torment of physical and emotional distress.

Ahhh a very powerful paragraph to lay the finishing touches there as things run their course fully, embracing the fact that its all a bit too much to navigate going too much further.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall its a lovely piece here, both in terms of the more peaceful and happy start and also the true horror and desperation and fear and hopelessness that you manage to capture there at the very end.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate