Published July 26, 2009
Trust and forgiveness together the key.
Our world’s foundations come down to thee:
Happiness, soul and the heart of me.
The key to a certain eternity.
Development on this is the way for me,
to work on those who do not agree.
He and She “We’re not to be.”
Disbelievers; will soon see.
Solutions don’t come easily,
but you to know: my priority.
Creatures together I’ll help them see,
that trust and forgiveness are the key.
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Hi
This poem had a nice and understandable message.The idea was also presented in simple words.
Stanza 1:
Happiness, soul and the heart of me.
This line seems a bit hard to understand.Did it mean some kind of goodness by any chance?If possible, try to make this line a little clearer.
Stanza 2:
Development on this is the way for me,
to work on those who do not agree.
He and She “We’re not to be.”
Disbelievers; will soon see.
A promoter of change right?Very nice and effective verse full of motivation and determination.Very well constructed stanza.
Stanza 3:
Solutions don’t come easily,
but you to know: my priority.
Creatures together I’ll help them see,
that trust and forgiveness are the key.
Again the very same message in the second stanza where the final message is delivered.The words were put together effectively and the message was crystal clear.
Overall:
A very meaningful poem.Though one thing not very clear was the title,which,for this poem seemed a little strange.Nothing really wrong with that anyways.
Good work.
Considering that the idea is a bit overused, (you yourself said it was "basic") this would make a very nice song, I believe. The words are nice, but, honestly, I think I must say that we've heard it all before.
If, in fact, you do make this into a song, this sentence needs one more syllable.