Young Writers Society

This is a project I have to do for school. I have to "craft a scene". I was just hoping I could get some sort of feedback before I turn it in because I've never done something like this before.

(The stage is riddled with unidentifiable debris, with two men crouched over by it with injuries.)

FELIX (frantically): Oliver! Oliver! Wake up, man? Are you okay?

OLIVER (in a voice weak and quivering from pain): What has happened?

FELIX: She went down. You ran her into the dirt. What were you thinking? I mean, you could’ve killed us both. (with growing anger) You almost did wipe yourself off the census. Look at you now.

OLIVER: I have no idea what you speak of.

FELIX (now with contempt): Look around us, you fool.

(The light goes down on the two men and comes up on an anonymous person sitting in the back-center of the stage. This is the narrator, who speaks only to provide the approximate time.)

NARRATOR (in a rough, gentle voice): Three hours earlier.

(The men move downstage where there are two chairs facing toward the audience, mimicking the cockpit of a small, private airplane.)

(The two men stand near the chairs having conversation when a third party enters.)

OLIVER: It’s a beautiful day to take it to the sky.

FELIX: It sure is. Few clouds, no storms. It’s truly a gift. We can only hope the birds will stay out of the way.

ELEANOR (enthusiastically): Good morning, gentleman! I hear you’re taking the Model A to the sky. It’s a stunning aircraft, if I do say so myself, so I figured I’d bring you a hot cup of Joe to keep you both alert up there. You don’t want anything going wrong 6,000 feet off the ground.

(She hands the men the cups and begins to recede into the background.)

FELIX: Thank you, Eleanor. I don’t drink coffee, but your thoughtfulness is always appreciated.

ELEANOR: Anytime! Bye now, boys.

FELIX and OLIVER (in unison): Goodbye.

NARRATOR (echoingly): Present time.

(The stage is changed back to the debris ridden arrangement with the men in pain.)

FELIX (loud and scornfully): What were you thinking? Just falling asleep at the wheel now, are we? Who cares what happens to the rest of us?

OLIVER (tremblingly): I can’t feel my legs. And I didn’t fall asleep. You punched me, you dope. I saw it before I blacked out.

FELIX (with a voice fueled by rage): Seriously now? This is your story? How could I have even punched you? You were 6 feet away from me. I would have needed to walk over to you, which I couldn’t have because we were both buckled up.

OLIVER (growing frustrated with Felix): This wasn’t my fault. I didn’t fall asleep. (reluctantly) Did you call a doctor?

FELIX: I was able to get to them over the radio. But how can you seriously deny what I saw with my own eyes?

OLIVER: I didn’t fall asleep.

NARRATOR (reminiscently): Two hours earlier.

(The stage is reset with the chairs at the front acting as the cockpit. The two men are sitting in them, reaching forward as if they’re grabbing a steering wheel.)

OLIVER (dragging and slow): My hands are numb.

FELIX (yelling): WHAT? You’ll have to speak up; I can’t hear you over the wind.

(Silence.)

FELIX: Oliver, what’d you say?

(Still silence.)

(Felix is growing concerned for his companion when Oliver’s head begins to drop.)

FELIX (yelling frantically): What are you doing, man? You’re the captain of this plane; I’ve only got a few controls.

(Speakers on the stage begin projecting loud beeping sounds as the chairs begin to shake.)

FELIX (practically screaming): WAKE UP! WE’RE GOING TO HIT THE GROUND!

(With no response from Oliver, Felix rushes urgently, fighting the shaking plane to try and grab the wheel before they hit the ground. He fails and the stage drops dark and the beeping stops.)

NARRATOR (the voice reverberates in the room): Present moment.

OLIVER: I swear it wasn’t me, gent. It felt like something punched me—like I was drugged.

FELIX: Your excuses are insane. Who would’ve drugged you? We’ve been together all day, done all the same things, and eaten all the same food. Who was it? Did you drug yourself?

OLIVER: Eleanor.

FELIX: What do you mean, “Eleanor”?

(A pause from both men.)

FELIX and OLIVER (a whisper of surprise, in unison): The coffee.

END SCENE.