E - Everyone Mature Content

The conflict of love

PreviousNext

Love is predictable,

But always a surprise.

Forever noticeable,

In dazzling eyes.

Love is infinite,

A well that never runs dry.

However highly inconsiderate,

Normal rules don’t apply.

The people change,

The love is never the same.

It’s quite strange,

Each person has the same aim.

Love is predictable,

Yet never boring.

Unconditional,

Forever forming.

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Random avatar
LadyOkra
Review

I think the poem is great!

I was expecting each line to be contradicted by the next. I noticed that there are some instances that do not conform to that idea. That may not necessarily be a bad thing. :)

Forever noticeable,

In dazzling eyes


Although I do see what you're trying to say, I feel that it doesn't fit after the opening line. Perhaps somewhere else in the poem.

The people change,

The love is never the same.

It’s quite strange,

Each person has the same aim.


I found these four little lines quite profound. I feel that adding a when to the final line can improve things a little: "It's quite strange when each person has the same aim."

Love does not really conform to any ideals and there are no rules to it! It's very strange that it should be so when all people want to do is fall in love. That is a common goal, which cannot always be achieved the same way! You put it very cleverly and succinctly in four little lines. Kudos!

Good job! Keep writing.

Cheers.

Thank you for the review and I will build on your feedback

User avatar
neptune
Review
neptune wrote a review · Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:08 am

Hey there! I'll be reviewing your poem today -- so let's hop right in! :D

I see you're trying to use rhyme throughout this whole poem, in an ABAB pattern, but some parts are really struggling. When we get to the third set/"stanza", I''m starting to notice lack of flow, from the not proportionate amount of syllables in each line. Not only that, but the last line of this stanza:

Each person has the same aim.

Does not make sense. What "aim"? You mean, everyone is looking for the same thing? You seemed to be focused more on rhyming rather than the content and words of the poem, to the point where it makes little sense. This line should be redone. After this poorly written stanza, though, the last four lines bring the poem back up with a quality written rhyming job!
I began to question another line, however --
Normal rules don’t apply.

I think you need to rephrase this. What are "normal rules"? What is "normal"?
I notice there are no similes or metaphors throughout this poem. The only thing is:
A well that never runs dry.

The strength of poetic writing in this is weak. I'm not saying the poem is bad; it just lacks standard poetry techniques and is simply a basic writing piece about love. Love is such a common topic in writing and lyric, that you have a lot to compete with. You're cracking the surface of love but you haven't exactly uncovered it and explored it. That being said, discover, explore, write more.
Your ending was definitely good, though! It could stay in here no matter if you edit the rest or not.
Forever forming.

When you use the word "forever" it makes the poem seem like it hasn't ended even after the reader has read it. It's essence is still in the air -- the phrase "forever forming" empowers this poem!
Also, clever title! I see how you mean "conflict of love" -- the two sides of love that make it, well, love. The definition of love is at war with itself. What a good idea! :)
I hope this review helped you and will assist you in improving in the future! Keep writing and if you have any questions please feel free to ask!

neptune

Thanks for the review



The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
— Alvin Toffler