LEADING THE FISH TO THE SEA
WILLING TO RELIE
PLAYFULNESS I DESIRE
TOLERANCE I ADMIRE
EASY TO POP AND EVAPORATE
HARD TO GET A HOLD OF, IF YOURS
SOLE BUT FAMILIAR AS ME
HALFWAY TO MY HEART FOREVER
YOU'RE ALL I NEED
YOU’RE ALL I NEED
YOU’LL STAY A MYSTERY AS LONG AS I LIVE
YOU’RE ALL MINE AS LONG AS I LIVE, I SAY AS I WATCH YOU FROM A DISTANCE
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,643 Literary Works • 672,638 Reviews
Hey there, friend! My name is Ellie and I am here to leave you a quick review on this poem of yours =D Let's jump right in to the review!
The first thing that stood out to me was that it was written in all capital letters. Is there a reason that you did it like that? Normally I associate that with shouting, so maybe this poem is supposed to come across as shouting or spoken very directly/loudly.
This poem seems to touch on the message of "you are all I need" and talks about things you desire and want to find. It seems that it might be about one specific person, but they dont know that you feel this way about then, for example, these lines here at the end:
So you are just watching them from a distance, but not actually close to them. I wonder what is keeping this person from engaging with them? I do love how you described them as being a mystery. As if they are this code you need to crack or this scavenger hunt you are on, on your own.
I found this poem to be very list-like, when you list things like playfulness and tolerance. It is made up of short lines, which seem to fall like a river. this makes me think that it is a stream of consciousness or thoughts you are having about this person, as you think about them. overall, it was short but pleasant to read. I will have to check out more of your poems
Your friend,
Ellie
Starting off, I really enjoyed your poem, on the surface it may seem like a simple little poem, but once you read it and think about it, there’s a deeper meaning. It seems like it’s being written by someone who may not get to see their lover often, or or could even be about a stalker who watches their crush. It can be interpreted in many ways which I think is sometimes difficult in writing. I don’t quite know what it is, but I honestly really love the lines “PLAYFULNESS I DESIRE
TOLERANCE I ADMIRE” something about them just really pops out at me.
Overall really great poem and keep writing!! I’d love to read more of your poems!
Starting off, I really enjoyed your poem, on the surface it may seem like a simple little poem, but once you read it and think about it, there’s a deeper meaning. It seems like it’s being written by someone who may not get to see their lover often, or or could even be about a stalker who watches their crush. It can be interpreted in many ways which I think is sometimes difficult in writing. I don’t quite know what it is, but I honestly really love the lines “PLAYFULNESS I DESIRE
TOLERANCE I ADMIRE” something about them just really pops out at me.
Overall really great poem and keep writing!! I’d love to read more of your poems!
Hii!!! Welcome to YWS.
Oh! YOU’RE ALL MINE AS LONG AS I LIVE, I SAY AS I WATCH YOU FROM A DISTANCE - This line took my heart! Being a distant lover once and knowing that pain is what I understand. The poem is filled with soul, and desire for the lover. The pain desires and feelings are so strongly conveyed. It leaves a pinch in the heart and leaves a footprint of relatability.
I liked this poem. Keep going!!!
Keep writing.
I would love to see more from you.
P.S. I don't know why you chose to keep it all in capitals. I would love to know the reason.