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Young Writers Society


16+ Violence Mature Content

Solar Draconic 4.0

by Oxara


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

Roland awoke on the ship, the Phoenix. It was quite a luxurious room, nearly a thirty by thirty in size. At first glance room was sparse, containing only a simple computer, a book shelf, and a queen's size bed. Upon closer inspection however, Roland found various towels, soaked with black blood, among them multiple bandages, as well as a bucket of water, mixed slightly with black blood.

Roland let out a sigh and sat up, and a shooting pain ran down his back, followed by a rather sharp pain in his arm, which proceeded to bleed profusely. A loud, and rather obnoxious alarm began to ring, and a tall, handsome, dark haired, man maybe in his early thirties entered. His eyes went a little wide at seeing Roland awake. His entire body had almost an entire suit on, which had stains of black bloods on, and somehow despite the dragon's blood, acidic properties it didn't burn through the suit.

The Man rushed to Roland, removing his bandages before carefully placing the bandage in the bucket, the water becoming more and more black, before returning to a more blueish-black. Roland almost instantly understood. The water was not a water at all, it was an incredibly high PH base, which counter-acted the acidic of his base! When the two interact their PH scale would balance out creating a near water in terms of the PH scale.

"Smart, you know, using a synthetic base, to counter my academic. Although if that bass can counter my blood, that means not even this ships shields could hold against it." The man seemed to be shocked to seem him speak

"No need to worry about that, this room was specifically designed to withstand anything you could produce, both your flames and your blood."

"I have no doubts, but a base like this, must be a military secret. That's the only reason for humans at war to make a base like this. Ever since acid dragons showed up, those government with acid dragons studies them and made weapons that destroyed our ships. As a result we made shields that could prevent the academic, even hold out temporary against dragon. But no nation has made defenses for the opposite."

"Your proving to me you haven't lost your sense of reason?"

"Something like that."

"I will admit, I've heard stories of your kind, without our skin."

"The beast behind the skin? You thought that when I burned my skin I would lose all sense and attack randomly, be uncontrolled, be inhuman?" Roland said, the last word coming out almost in an insult.

"I am afraid I did. I mean why else would you have to have skin regrown on you?"

"Because of the stories, people don't like seeing our scales. And I will tell you, I hate that skin, it doesn't fit well over scales."

The man seemed to catch Roland meaning and only gave a nod of apologies. Roland waved his apology away.

Roland returned to his arm, and at seeing its state, he took a deep breath and through the pain managed to shoot a small focused beam of flames, almost like a surgical laser, and despite the hissing of his blood, the pain began to ease. Roland let out a small sigh of relief , and tried to get up but only succeeded in causing another wave of pain down his back.

"How is Expo Darmia?" Roland asked the man

"I am not up to the current information, but last I heard she raged when she heard the damage you took, she tried to fight her way into this room, and managed to take down nearly a hundred men before we peacefully calmed her down. She has been housed with our dragon, and his rider, it appears his presence calmed her. But from what I heard that meant they engaged in mock battle, whenever she was worried about you. Trust me the entire ship felt it "

The man shook his head "Stop worrying about her, your in much worse shape than her, now tell me what did you do to your arm."

"I believe you're well aware of the theory of cauterizing a wound, in essence that is what I did. No science instrument could replicate what I did, that's why you couldn't do it. This wound was not caused by a dragon or a weapon, it was caused by me, by me overusing my fire. Ironically only my or Expodearmia flame can heal the wound, which of course could only be done out of battle. I rarely use it because of this."

"But you did so, to protect her."

"Exactly" Roland said, with a nod.

"I must thank you for teaching me of dragon riders, your nothing like what the stories say."

"I thank you for letting me educate you, and please do share the story of the intellectual dragon."

"I will." The man said with a bow and made to leave.

"Before you leave, can I get some pain relief for my back, I need to go to Expodearmia."

"In your condition your going nowhere. Stop bleeding, and we will move your bed."

"Very well, please tell Expodearmia that I am fine, and to rest and make sure she is fully healed."

The man whispered, supposedly unaware of Roland still improved healing "Two peas in a pod."

Roland let it go, it was true after all.

The days and weeks went by, various nurse, and a few doctors came by to check on Roland, they made little conversation beyond as to acquiring about his health. When the Man came in, there was much more conversation, and at some point the man began taking notes, which Roland noticed began to have handwriting beside the man's. The man also took notes form and to Expodearmia for Roland. One day the man entered with a book, leather bound, and when Roland inquired as to what it was, he simply responded "a book about the intelligent dragon." Roland couldn't help but smile at it, he had never thought to fight miscommunication this way, especially from an outsider's point of view. Regardless though a book by one person would not change society view of them, sure they were respected, and invited in as royal guests if they had human skin, but that didn't change their fear, didn't remove the stories told to them. Dragons and Dragon riders had little access to spread their own view, they were too busy fighting in the war. Regardless, Roland couldn't help but treasure the limited time he had to read to Expodearmia, and to record her own writing, especially her poems. Roland just would be glad when he was at last moved, even if he wasn't allowed to walk there and was moved in the bed as ancient royalty was. Roland almost scuffed at being seen as weak, other's just gave a scoff weather for being moved like ancient royalty or for his still visible scales he was not sure.

Roland bed was placed in a massive room, when he saw Expodearmia. Roland tried to get up, but one of the nurses that had moved his bed, pushed him back in the bed. Roland gave a nod, and waved them away. They gave a look, before deciding to leave, leaving him bedridden , in only around a 1/3 mile room, with two deadly dragons, and a trained deadly warrior.

Expodearmia flew right over and let out a goat of flames, which swarmed over Roland and his bed, which to his surprise didn't catch fire, but just warmed Roland.

"I've been bed ridden for the past two weeks Exothermic." Roland teases

"And that is your punishment for being away for two weeks." Expodearmia returned

Roland let grin grow on his face to be back with Expodearmia.


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935 Reviews


Points: 2806
Reviews: 935

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Sun Jan 12, 2020 6:01 am
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Shady wrote a review...



Heya Ox,

Shady here with a quick review for you to save this chapter from the Green Room! I've reviewed for you in the past so you know my style, so let's get started...

A loud, and rather obnoxious alarm began to ring, and a tall, handsome, dark haired, man maybe in his early thirties entered.


I would like to have a bit more description here. "Handsome" is wildly subjective. I mean, when I talk with my friends, I find men attractive that they don't -- and vice versa. Plus it's not a very descriptive term. Is he a handsome black man? White man? Asian man? Native American man? Hispanic man? There are so many other variables that go into someone's appearance, and I'd like to have more descriptors to be able to envision this character properly.

~ ~ ~

Okay! I can't comment overall on how this chapter fits into your greater overarching storyline since I haven't read the other chapters, but I thought it was a nice little progression. I liked the insight into characterization we got with the two men's conversation here while Roland is recovering.

One thing I would like to see a bit more of is setting up the scene. I mentioned wanting to know more about this "handsome" man, but even just setting up their conversation a bit more descriptively. For a while we had some "talking heads" going on, so to speak, where it was just dialogue being shot back and forth at each other. It'd be good to have some actions interspersed. No conversation is just words. There are facial expressions, body language, movements around the area, etc. It would be great to break up the dialogue with a bit more of the non-verbal communication going on.

However, this is much improved from the last thing I reviewed for you! I can tell you've been working hard to improve your writing, so great job there! I can't wait to watch as you get even better and better!

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)




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Mon Oct 28, 2019 3:57 am
EverLight wrote a review...



EverLight here with a review. This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel seem bad. But be warned you may feel offended anyway.

First Impression
Okay...this is interesting. To be honest I wasn't exactly hooked...but then I wasn't exactly bored either. This was somewhere in-between. Then again...I am tired...

Grammar & Style.

You may want to consider changing your style some. Take this passage for example-

Roland awoke on the ship, the Phoenix. It was quite a luxurious room, nearly a thirty by thirty in size. At first glance room was sparse, containing only a simple computer, a book shelf, and a queen's size bed. Upon closer inspection however, Roland found various towels, soaked with black blood, among them multiple bandages, as well as a bucket of water, mixed slightly with black blood.

Roland let out a sigh and sat up, and a shooting pain ran down his back, followed by a rather sharp pain in his arm, which proceeded to bleed profusely. A loud, and rather obnoxious alarm began to ring, and a tall, handsome, dark haired, man maybe in his early thirties entered. His eyes went a little wide at seeing Roland awake. His entire body had almost an entire suit on, which had stains of black bloods on, and somehow despite the dragon's blood, acidic properties it didn't burn through the suit.


For starters you don't really need the words 'followed by a rather sharp pain in his arm, which proceeded to bleed....'' Just describe the pain and cut out those fancy rathers, proceededs and followeds.
For another your sentences in the last paragraph almost sound the same-

A loud, and rather obnoxious alarm began to ring, and a tall, handsome, dark haired, man maybe in his early thirties entered. His eyes went a little wide at seeing Roland awake. His entire body had almost an entire suit on, which had stains of black bloods on, and somehow despite the dragon's blood, acidic properties it didn't burn through the suit.


You use the word on, and suit twice in the same sentence-that should be changed, and again there's the issue with using the word rather unnecessarily, and you should find a better adjective then obnoxious to describe the sound of the alarm.

Okay, I'm done with style. I'll move on to the actual nitpicks.

You missed a comma in this sentence-
Upon closer inspection however, Roland found various towels, soaked with black blood, among them multiple bandages, as well as a bucket of water, mixed slightly with black blood.

the however needs a secant comma in front of it like this-
Upon closer inspection ,however, Roland found various....


Next up is this sentence-
The water was not a water at all, it was an incredibly high PH base, which counter-acted the acidic of his base!


You don't need the a by the word water. Let me show you-
Original Sentence
The water was not a water at all....

Edited Sentence
The water was not water at all...


Next off is this sentence-
"I have no doubts, but a base like this, must be a military secret.

The comma after doubts should be removed.

Finally, I think you wrote government when you meant goverments here-
Ever since acid dragons showed up, those government with acid dragons studies them and made weapons that destroyed our ships.


Also, you missed a comma here-
As a result we made shields that could prevent the academic, even hold out temporary against dragon. But no nation has made defenses for the opposite."

the word result needs a comma like this-
As a result, we made shields that could....


And those are all the errors I could find. I'll give this a closer look...when I'm not dropping of my feet.
Overall this was an interesting piece of work...one that with proper editing, will pop.
EverLight Out




Oxara says...


I mean to not being hooked, if you haven%u2019t read any of the previous chapters form this novel, then that makes sense. And for the grammar and that... well this is LMS so i can only edit it so much before posting, but I do appreciate the fees back.

Thank you,
Ox



StarLord says...


Your welcome.



EverLight says...


Huh? StarLord?
Anyway your welcome Oxara for the feed back.



StarLord says...


i mean yeah, (cough) this was great. your welcome for saying that.




It's unsettling to know how little separates each of us from another life altogether.
— Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore