The clouds wrap around me,
So I am unseen.
The things of nightmares,
Hide in my darkness.
The things of the best of dreams,
Sparkle within my light.
I move, I change,
I am never the same.
Limitless and powerful,
I hold the keys to your seas.
But I am as lonely as I can be,
Far away from my very own dreams.
But even I must meet my destiny,
And stray away from your reach.
Because I am the keeper of secrets unknown,
And that is what I must always be.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,281 Literary Works • 672,096 Reviews
I like it, though I feel it could be longer. Also, maybe you should break it into a couple of stanzas instead of just the one.
I love your writing style! This is very well written. Poems like these make me eager to read the last line, eager for the last revelation. And this satisified me! Brilliant ending. I adore the last lines. Poems have to lead up to something, to make a conclusion. And you did it! Good job.
The line, "The keys to your seas" is a bit awkward though. It rhymes and it does fit with the whole riddle-ness of the poem but it sounds a bit weird. It feels like it's supposed to be a well known phrase but you used it wrong. But maybe it's just me. I'm an odd person so this could make complete sense for normal people.
Lines 3-6, talking about "the things" seems like you only used those words because they rhymed. But then again, this also may just be me.
This is a great poem you have here! It really is good work. Keep writing!
HAPPY REVIEW DAY! : )
@ Katarina: Luna was supposed to be about the moon, but towards the end it kind of evolved into just about the night sky. I wasn't really trying to be vague, I personally didn't really know what I was writing about. I was just putting pen to paper, and I'm sure you could write an even better poem with a little practice.
i liked the poem .........its elegiac, profound......i guess you have wrote it with full of feelings ........but the lyrical flow broke towards the end.........the end could be a little better...............keep trying
Intriging poem!
It really has an air of mystery about it. Nice rythym, but it was thrown a little off towards the end, at least for me. It was flowing along nicely, but the clump of longer lines at the end slowed it down a little. I'm not very experienced in poetry, so I can't really give any helpful advice, but I did enjoy your piece! I especially liked how it ended.
From the title, I'm assuming your piece is told from the voice of the moon, but it was still a little unclear to me. But it lets the reader speculate, gives them something to think about. The description was nice, but still a little vauge. but maybe that's the kind of picture you wanted to portray, a more mellow tone rather than vivid?
I liked how you expressed the feeling of loneliness, distantness, even from dreams. Well, I just have to say, a much better piece of work than I could manage, so I admire it for that, also!
Anyway, good job and keep it up!
<..> Kat
Awesome poem, so ominous. Keep up the good work!!