Hello! Peanut critic to the rescue!
The moon; a joyous glint of light,
playing peak-a-boo
with the metropolitan night.
This seems to be the only part that rhymes... I don't know if it is a coincidental word choice, or if you decided not to rhyme the other ones, but I would think about changing it. It doesn't go along, really, with the rest if it doesn't fit the same context... or, I think that's what it's called xD
A beautiful thing happened this night—
the storm clouds moved in.
This is the poem, right? You are just telling us that storm clouds moved in... try showing us!
![Wink ;)](./images/smilies/icon_wink.gif)
The moon; a joyous glint of light,
playing peak-a-boo
with the metropolitan night.
Love... it...
Wrapped in a blanket of water
the city finally slumbers.
Great ending!
OK, this was a really good poem... you touched a topic I love very much! Storms are just about my favorite thing in the world! Have you thought about adding some of the more powerful elements of storm in there, like lightning, thunder, tornado, etc.? OR! Since you were so good at this one, you could make a separate poem about hose! OR! I could! OR... oops
![Embarassed :oops:](./images/smilies/icon_redface.gif)
![Embarassed :oops:](./images/smilies/icon_redface.gif)
[spoiler]9/10 ... minor mistakes, but very fixable. Aw-some po-em![/spoiler]
Points: 5388
Reviews: 196
Donate